A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 6 months. We've been having frequent fights lately and two nights ago we had a big fight. We then attempted to sort it out but because we were in a group, we sort of just brushed it off and went about as we both had different views. Later on that night, we had a few drinks and went for a walk. He was being mean to me and started ignoring me for his friends so i told him i was tired and wanted to walk back to the house. I told him to give me his keys and he was hesitant but eventually gave them to me and i walked off in the dark at 4am by myself. This is his holiday house so it's not an area i'm familiar with. I know he was angry at me from the fight before but it hurt a lot that he didn't care about me enough to come after me. He ended up following me but only because his friend wanted to come after me (he admitted this to me after). We then had another fight because i was extremely upset that he had made me walk home for 40 minutes by myself with no money or phone in an unknown area. I called my bestfriend to come pick me up as i didnt feel comfortable staying the night there with him. Before she came i turned to him and asked him if he loved me. He looked at me for a long time and answered no and started tearing up/crying. We attempted to talk about it the next day but i really thought about it and i don't know how to take what he said.He is caring, loving and respectful and treats me well. Aside from the fighting in the last 3 weeks, we have great chemistry and we both make eachother happy.I've met his family and parents and he's met mine.At the end of the day, all relationships have problems and i will stay and try and make things work if i can. But i don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me. If he let me walk by myself and didnt even want to come after me, i take it as an action that he doesn't care enough or love me. I don't understand why he teared up as he answered no to whether he loves me, and whether the fact that he was angry and upset and drunk had anything to do with it, or whether the fact that he had to think about. Should it matter? Is he playing a game? Why does he still want to be with me if he doesn't love me?I don't understandThe next day when he was sober, he bought it up and told me he almost loves me and was getting there but after his actions of making me walk home alone he's realized that he mustn't love me after all. He did apologize for making me walk home alone and not coming after me. He was the one to initiate contact the next day with a kiss. And to keep proceeding with the relationship but take things a bit slower if we need to.So tonight, i decided i needed some time out, a break. I asked him to go on a break, and he seemed hurt and taken back. He asked me what i meant by a break and i defined it as not breaking up but just not seeing or talking to eachother for a while. I suggested a week as we have family plans with both our families for easter.He seemed really hurt by my suggestion so i asked if he thought it was okay and re-confirmed how i feel about him and that i still wanted to be with him but just needed space. He said he thought a week was too long and we should just take a few days but i stuck with a week. I told him that i don't know if i can be with a guy who doesn't love me and that i think i deserve better. He said he thinks we have two different views of what 'love' is and that he thinks it takes longer than 6 months or even a year to truly love someone, and that he didnt think i loved him either. I know how i feel though, and although i do have some doubts, i'm pretty sure i love him. It's just a feeling and i don't want to give up on him.Am i doing the right thing or was a break a bad idea?And should i just end it or stick in there?
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male
reader, yankit  +, writes (17 April 2011):
He's probably not lying so catch a clue and find someone that will say he loves you(and mean it).
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 A break is a good idea. I think you should trust him when he says he just isn't quite in love with you yet. He teared up because he isn't in love with you but he loves you enough to feel the pain he must be causing you. Empathy. That is the glimmer of hope you are holding on to. Whatever he said about there being a specific amount of time to fall in love, that is incorrect. There are no time limits, it just happens, you either feel it now or later or never, he just has to be sure that he can feel something growing in his pulsating heart. There is something strong there, whether or not he wants to call it love, it is there and it keeps him with you and I think this break is exactly what he needs to sort this out, to scratch at this feeling and figure out what it is exactly.I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (17 April 2011):
Girl, your week long break idea is GOOD. Thumbs up for you for being an adult about it and sticking to your guns. Now lookie here, some people do have different views on what love is. For some people it takes longer to develop into "love" than others. Personally, I feel like you two don't have good communication, am I right? Do you two not really discuss things in depth? I think if you work on your communication that might be a lot of the problem solved there. To me, just off handed, it sounds like your BF might have some insecurities within himself and perhaps he is the type who deals these by hurting their loved one or pushing them away to protect himself. These are things you probably need to ask him about. I think you need to take this week and do some serious thinking. When the week is over you two should definately sit and talk this out. When you do, you both need to agree that you are going to put ALL cards on the table. You are going to say how you feel regardless of whether it hurts or not because you need to get the real deal of what is going on. Oh, and one more thing. You need to have a word of prayer with him about letting you walk home at 4 am with no money, phone, and in a strange place. That is VERY ungentlemanly and in my opinion is UNACCEPTABLE. It doesn't matter if he is mad at your not, he should have opened up a can of man and dealt with it. If you wanted to leave and go back to where you were staying he should have seen to it that you returned safely; that is his duty as man.
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