A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This Is probably a question that gets asked alot but I figured it wouldn't hurt asking. I've never had a proper boyfriend in my life and when I talk to people about it they tend to say things like you havnt met the right guy yet. But lately I've been wondering if it's something about the way I look or act. I'm just curious if there is something about me that puts guys off. I wouldn't say I'm super model gorgeous but I'm certainly not ugly, I work out so I'm pretty slim however I don't have great boobs and my ass could use some work. I'm not particulary shy and I've been told I have a good sense if humour however at times I can be a little distant and sometimes my sarcasm gets the better of me.I get set up on alot of dates and meet plenty of guys but it never goes past one date or buying me a drink. I have plenty of guy friends who say sometimes that I look pretty hot or that I'm a great laugh. But they can't seem to understand why I have never had a proper relationship. Does anyone have any clue what might be putting guys off or if I'm doing anything majorly wrong.
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 People have a very hard time assessing their own attractiveness, even down by individual traits. I'll try to comment on what you've listed, and on whatever I can extrapolate from that, but if any of it sounds grossly off-base, just discard it as the product of incomplete information."I'm pretty slim however I don't have great boobs and my ass could use some work."Slim is good. If by "great" boobs you mean "big," that isn't necessary (a bonus for most guys, but not necessary), they just need to sit high on your chest. Carefully adjusted your gym routine can give you the ass you want. Legs are also good, the gym should be helping with that. Check your posture in a mirror; good posture can create real improvements in all theses areas.Your primary physical asset for getting flings is your body, but your primary physical asset for getting a boyfriend is your face. Take care of it."I'm not particulary shy and I've been told I have a good sense if humour..."Don't worry too much about being shy or not. A lot of guys think shyness is cute; the tradeoff is that it's harder to make an impression in the first place. Strike the balance that feels most natural to you. Sense of humor is good, *if* it includes laughing at others' jokes, as well as making your own. If you can genuinely enjoy some guy's bad jokes, that's a big help."...at times I can be a little distant and sometimes my sarcasm gets the better of me."These can be problems. If you catch yourself being distant in person, force yourself to look at the guy you like and smile a little. He'll chalk it up to shyness, or you playing hard-to-get. If you're being distant elsewhere, force yourself to call or text a guy. Better to say something quick and stupid than to say nothing at all.Sarcasm should be used sparingly, if at all. It's unfeminine, and a big turn-off for most guys. This is doubly true for sarcasm directed at the guy you're interested in.Distant behavior and sarcasm tend to be signs that you're unwilling to take big risks, or to get hurt. You might benefit from taking a few calculated risks here and there. Be willing to make the first move, and to get shot down. Most girls approach only very rarely, and as a result get devastated by the idea of rejection. If you are willing to risk occasional rejection, you'll have a huge competitive advantage. It also means you can approach a guy as soon as you notice him, rather than having to wait and hope he notices you before noticing any other girl."...it never goes past one date or buying me a drink."If it's because you never meet any guys good enough, you need to fix your standards; so I'm assuming that at least some of the time, you wish it would go past the first date.Getting to know a new person is tough. It's twice as tough if the other person isn't helping. So, be prepared to do it without help. Ask open-ended questions, ones that can't be answered with "yes" or "no." Eliminate boring questions from your usual dating/job interview. "What do you do?" is bad. Try, "What do you like to do?" Ask about hobbies and interests, not jobs. And when he asks you a question, relate the answer to something else, hopefully something he can talk about, rather than just answering and shutting up.If things are really quiet, but you want the date to go well, just grab his hand and smile at him. Don't have to say a word, just enjoy the moment. Works best when you're walking, but sitting down soemwhere is alright. People underestimate the good feelings you can get from simple touch."...guy friends who say sometimes that I look pretty hot or that I'm a great laugh."Rather than going with the majority, pick out the most burtally honest guy in the group and offer him free ice cream if he'll help you properly assess your attractiveness. Most people are averse to saying negative things to their friends, so the group's opinion is worthless - maybe you're hot, maybe not, they won't say.A good laugh is specific enough that it's probably true, though.Hope all that helps. Best of luck.
A
male
reader, $izZle  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 hi, you probably are not doing anything wrong ... it just could be that you have been dating the wrong guys... or maybe I'm not the right person to talk to about this :S well I have not been on a date and I never had a gf to make matters worse I'm going to be 29 in another month :S I soooo wish I had a date with a girl who likes me :( anyways I'm sure you are gorgeous it has nothing to do with your bOObs or @ss :P hehe don't worry you will meet some1 just keep in mind not to rush into things : lots of girls rush into things these days and end up with 10 bf in 1 year and get nowhere just take your time and get to know a guy ... rather than trying to find a guy just to have a b/f why not try to find a guy you like some1 you enjoy being with :) trust me it will work ;) whatever happens at the end i'm sure about 1 thing you will enjoy being with him...
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Maybe there is an insecurity that is coming across in a subtle way. Be aware when you're around men of what you say and what your body language is saying. Not that it would be a turn off for all guys, but there might be a hint in there that says "Not available to love"Watch yourself, listen to your self, take notes.
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