A
male
age
36-40,
*arkelly
writes:I have a problem that I'm trying to figure out and I hope that I can get some help on here. I appreciate any and all advice.Ok, so I've been in a relationship for a little over 3 months now. It's been amazing every second. I really think that she's the one. I'm very serious about her and she feels the same about me. The problem is something I've done.So the other day I was at my girlfriend's apartment. I had just taken her to work and was getting ready for bed. For whatever reason (stupidity to be honest) I initiated a text conversation with an ex. We talked for over an hour and it got to the point that I asked for pictures of her... Nude pictures. I know, extremely idiotic. Very shortly after I realized that it was very stupid so I ended the conversation. I don't know what I was even thinking. A lack of thought is the case apparently. I honestly feel horrible for doing this and I still cannot understand why I would go against my better judgement to do something like this.Is what I've done considered cheating? I didn't get any pictures but I still asked for them.Sould I tell my girlfriend? I feel like I should and I want to. I don't want to be dishonest with her, I want our relationship to be open and honest.I'm just so worried that I've screwed up the best thing to happen to me. I really hate myself at this point in my life.Thank you for your help.
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male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (26 January 2011):
It's not cheating. It's incredibly boneheaded, but it's not cheating. Some things are better left unsaid. Just let it go, and don't do it again.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 It's not cheating. It's not appropriate, and it's over the line of what most would accept, but I wouldn't go as far as to call it cheating.
If you want to tell your girlfriend thats up to you. If you tell her what you told us on here, that you have no idea why you asked you just suddenly did without thinking, but that you realized it was wrong and ended the conversation shortly after, and are now being eaten up by guilt... then I think she'd be upset at you for a little but then forgive you.
People make mistakes. You learn from them. You realized that this was outside of your comfort zone, you yourself was not ok with what you did. That is the most important thing here. You now know that this was something YOU didn't feel was right.
Like I said it is up to you if you want to tell your girlfriend this. It's ok if you don't, but that depends on what type of communication you have. If you think it's best that she knows then tell her. If you only want to tell her because your guilt is eating you up then think twice... telling her should be because you want honesty in your relationship, and not so you can feel less guilty. The point is that you do not do this again, the point is not that you make mistakes and then everything is ok as long as you tell your girlfriend. Also be wary of causing her concern, you don't want to make her doubt you or worry over this, especially as you know you will not do it again. However it is easy for these things to be misunderstood, she might think this is something you've done all along up to this point... So be careful if you do tell her. Make sure she understands everything.
If she's a normal logically functioning human this will not be enough to screw up anything. If she's a random loony drama queen however this could be a mess.
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A
female
reader, wornoutmommy +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Um... How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Would you feel cheated on? To some this does not count as cheating, to others it does. I would recommend not confessing but never doing this again. Reason? The relationship is only 3 months old- if my bf of 3 months told me that he did that it would be immediately over. This is a huge red flag for women that is usually not tolerated by anyone with self-confidence. No, you did not get pics, but... You had an hour long conversation that must have included sexual discussion leading up to asking for pics. Also, I would recommend not beating yourself up over it. You obviously feel very guilty and realize that it was really stupid, so that lessons the likelihood of you 'actually' cheating. But seriously, find a hobby to do other than talking to your ex late at night :)
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A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (26 January 2011):
I think that you are being WAY too hard on yourself. Granted, not sure why you felt the need to strike up a conversation with your ex in the first place but did you cheat...No.
The next time you want to get kinky make sure it is with your present girlfriend, not an ex and you'll be ok.
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