A
male
age
30-35,
*obro
writes:I have posted questions previously about how I worry about how my appearance will affect my relationships in the future.Quick reminder - I am nineteen years old, six foot dark hair blue eyes. My close female friends say I'm sweet and kind and lovely. I'm also considerate, compassionate and intelligent. Also, I am a passionate musician and the dedication and passion I put into music is something that I would be willing to put into a relationship with the right young lady.Again, I remind you of the problem. I am (very) overweight. I'm good at hiding how overweight I actually am and being quite tall helps somewhat as well. I am far from bad looking (facial features) for my size. But none of this disguises the fact I am overweight. I have been trying to lose weight quite successfully recently, but the rate has slowed a little lately with poor weather and not being able to go out walking.I'm starting university soon, and I hope that will give me the opportunity to find someone. There is a worry that I will put on weight while in uni, but I found a nice young lady who will help me on the health front, and maybe she can give me relationship advice if needed (I am not interested in her in that way I should mention).Sometimes I do feel that at 19 never having had a relationship is a bit unfortunate. I also have trouble understanding my feelings as on ocassion I have come to believe I am attracted to a close female friend. Also, I have trouble with communicating - I either wait too long and make an effort to give no indication and by the time I do it is too late for various reasons, or I inadvertantly give my intentions away too early.I AM feeling more confident in myself lately. But what more can I do? Also, I am worried that the desire for a relationship is starting to make me start becoming attracted to nearly any girl my age. Any advice on how to help that?I know I can love someone and I would be able to have a great relationship - sex isn't a motivating factor for me I should mention.I just wish I could do more to increase my chances.Finally, talking hypothetically, looking at my positives and negatives, would any of you girls here consider a relationship if you ever met me, despite my weight? I really want to know so I can a better idea of how someone might react if I did ask them out or whatever.My need for companionship and love is strong. I wish everyone could be as understanding as you people.
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lose weight, overweight, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, xtwinklex  +, writes (22 December 2009):
Somewhat like you I've always worried about how my appearance will affect relationships due to being overweight - although I think that's more due to my being stubborn that no one likes a fat girl lol
However, I don't believe there is ANYONE who hasn't worried about there appearance at some point or another..we're a bit useless like that :P
From the other side though, I have yet to fancy/date someone because of their appearance. No one I've dated has been what average Joe would call conventionally "attractive" but I think that a great personality in someone makes them the most attractive person ever :P
As a side note, if you feel that to get someone to go for you, you have to change... chances are, they're not worth it :)
Twinkle x
A
male
reader, jerblaine +, writes (26 April 2009):
 Find the guys who like big girls. Also find some big guys. There are personals websites for big people and those who like them. There ARE guys out there who will prefer you over the smaller girls.
You must remain confident no matter what though. Confidence and personality can shine right through overweightness.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (16 September 2008):
 I think you have great answers to your questions already. I would like to add that you probably think that your weight has more to do with finding someone than it actually does.
The most attractive thing about a man has more to do with confidence and personality. Even the most attractive man could not stand a chance in a relationship if he was a complete jerk. So continue to work out and take care of yourself and concentrate on the mental part too. You need to be more confident in yourself and show people you are a good person, not that you should pour your heart out to anyone that comes along, but I think you can get what I mean. Be proud of who you are!
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (16 September 2008):
 Howdy
First, good luck going to Uni.
Secondly, I would recommend that you socialise as much as possible with people at Uni; be they your flatmates (if applicable) or people on your course.
If you have a bit of trouble communicating with people then socialising as often as possible is really the best thing you can do. Nobody becomes a good communicator over night; people here can tell you how to talk, but the reality is that you just to go out there and do it yourself. Practice makes permanent.
Socialising doesn't have to mean going the pub and getting smashed every night (a favourite among students I can tell you...); people at Uni are generally more friendly and more outgoing and are up for doing different things; ideal if you want to carry on with your weight loss.
Plus why not join a gym? A lot of students go to the gym together -- me and my friends did -- and it's great to work out when talking/laughing with your friends.
However, the issue of your weight is not really an issue. It's only an issue if you make it one. You should be proud of who you are; whether your big, small, thick or thin.
It should be the same philosophy if you meet a partner. It will only be an issue if they make it an issue -- and if they do, then that isn't really the sort of person you want to have a close companionship with.
I can only finish by saying that there are many girls out there who would want to go out with you. You just have to put yourself out there and find them.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, CNKlives +, writes (16 September 2008):
I think unconditional love it just that..unconditional. I am worried however for your health. Have you been to a doctor about being overweight? I am sure it will all work out for you but right now you need to focus on getting healthy and maybe some exams to see why you are overweight. Good luck! :)
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