A
male
age
51-59,
*irius70
writes:I am a 41 year-old virgin, suffering from social anxiety and isolation disorders and I feel like less of a man and human being because of my total lack of intimacy. How can one regain their sense of self dignity and live a more fulfilling life? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sirius70 +, writes (4 August 2011):
Sirius70 is verified as being by the original poster of the question
The pep talks were nice and I can reassure myself that I am a man and such but there are some underlining issues as well that I should have included in the original question.
By my age of 41, women will expect the guy to have some sexual experience, I can't imagine how I can pass my lack of experience by her and she will accept it. I am not saving myself for marriage and I am not convinced watching porn and faking experience will pass either, the awkwardness will be too hard to disguise.
Lack of sexual history, while some might say it is none of the woman's business what my past is about, won't she wonder if I ever had a past in intimacy and would most women be freaked out by this? I don't know how to make this presentable.
A
female
reader, silverlining  +, writes (17 July 2011):
 This sounds like your struggling with your self esteem and you need to do somthing to help with this! I think that before you look for a woman you need to go and find some intrests that will give you chances to meet people and build freinships and hopefully the rest will follow. You have not mentioned if your working or anyting like that so im unsure as to how many opertunities you have to meet people. If your in a job you dont like or do not have one, you should maybe consider doing a course as this would build your self esteem and feeling of self worth and achievement. Also you should maybe talk to a trusted mate that you know will not judge you, you may find they will help get you out there to meet somone you like and if you dont have anyone then enrol into some clubs in the local area find a intrest such as walking, photography, art, cooking, dance, book club, martial arts, boxing and once your out and about you will meet people. Also you will find that by getting some hobbies that people can relate to it will be a good conversation starter.I would also talk to your doctor about these problems as you may find this helps.
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A
female
reader, Juliet  +, writes (17 July 2011):
Hi you.I wish I knew your actually name so that you wouldnt be just '41 year old virgin, suffering from social anxiety and isolation disorders'... because thats not the complete picture of who you actually are is it? No, its not. There is more to you!Im sure you have some interests or even some unique quirky things about you that also make up who you actually are. So thats basically my point... to reiterate... you are not just what you've listed yourself to be Sirius70, you are more than that, so try to stop seeing yourself in this way.Im sure you are feeling isolated, considering you suffer from social anxiety and that this in turn does influence whether you have sex or not. But,You are a man. Forget the 'extent' of manliness you would like to embody, and just remember you ARE a man! End of. You are also a human. You are both. Embrace this! Keep saying it to yourself - You are a man! You are a human being. You deserve love and affection and attention and care. You deserve joy and laughter and to experience life.So, what comes next?Interact.Get some help with your social anxiety and stop yourself from being in a state of isolation.Don't focus on making a deep connection with just one or two people, try form a bond with several people - at a pace that suits them and you.Try teach yourself some of the relaxation techniques described online for coping with social anxiety and then slowly expose yourself to situations in which you generally feel fear. At a cafe or in a shop, ask the person how long they have worked there etc... start small. Perhaps try to have a longer chat with someone. Volunteer somewhere if you have the time. I know it may seem like I am trying to say it is easy to overcome what you are feeling and going through but I want you to know it is achieveable, and that there are people ready to listen and help.Please update me or feel free to email me to talk more.I really hope you are doing well.Take Care.
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