A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for 7 months now we have a very secure relationship. I see him every weekend as we live so far away i am very surprised that it has worked so well really but we make time for each other and chat, text and im all the time. I speak to him about everything and we are quite alike anyways!although he has a dark side to him! I am the first girl he has ever cared and loved and i know he is learning but he is a bit of a phycho! He can turn nasty on me or be harsh to me about the smallest things it can happen twice in a week or maybe once in a couple of months he is a very complex person and he is very smart. I say i am too light on him so he tells me i have to tell him how it is, i have recently tried this and he just tells me i should just finish with him if im not happy. I really don't understand him! We can't finish with each other-we are too in love. I just need to sort his dark side...help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): I was in the exact same position as you a year ago. i thought i could 'fix' him, get rid of his psychotic side, make him happy. But i'm telling you, you cannot fix him, if he wants to fix himself, great, maybe he will change, otherwise you are just going to end up huting yourself. i'm still with him,still dealing with his irrational aggro, i feel like i'm too deep into this (almost 2 years) to leave. if i leave i feel like i would abandon him, but staying makes me feel like i have lost myself. it is exhausting dealing with some1 like that, i screwed up my 2nd year of uni trying to deal with him. I do love him, and i know he loves me, but sometimes its not enough....i'm only beginning to learn that now. PLEASE dont put yourself in my position, get out before you get sucked into the situation even more, tell him to get help...but step away from the situation...for your own sanity
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (16 March 2007):
 You need to assert yourself more with him. Don't let him tell you what to do and push you around. Stick up for yourself more, I'm sure that's what he wants you to do. He doesn't have a dark side lol he's just more confident that you are. Like I said, don't allow him to control you though, if he gets away with it then he'll continue to treat you like a doormat which will lead to disrespecting you.
Let him see that YOU have a confident side too and he next tiime he is nasty to you, give him a taste of his own medicine!
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): You can't finish with him because you are so in love?
Good lawd, girl, he sounds N A S T Y. As in "inconsiderate"; arrogant and rude. A jerk; a jackass.
You do not need to put up with someone who can turn nasty over small matters. He evidently cannot tolerate even the slightest criticism from you, and as others have said, he seems to be abusive. A "bit of a psycho" is someone you DEFINITELY should get rid of, pronto!
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A
female
reader, Darlene  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 it sounds like he can be harsh and nasty to others but he
can't take the same from others.love doesn't mean being hurtful to each other.sounds like you don't have very much love.you need to find someone to love you for who you are.
if it bothers you that he is nasty and harsh at times you can't be that much alike.you don't want to hurt him you may be in love but it doesn't sound like he knows what
real love is.move on he doesn't deserve you.lol
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A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (16 March 2007):
 I dont think you two are in love at all. Sorry to say, but anyone who turns nasty on you is just that NASTY. Why would anyone who loves you be nasty to you ??? Get real and never deal with anyone who shows any sort of dark side ! You're just boosting his ego and he's being horrible - get rid !
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A
female
reader, kawaii +, writes (16 March 2007):
im not going to pretend to be an expert on the subject but to be honest (going from your description) he is showing some of the classic signs of an abusive personality. it might be a good thing that you only see each other on the weekends, because him lashing out at you verbally, like you described, could advance into him lashing out physically/mentally or sexually. please dont be fooled by his nice side... you cant change a person, and if you try this will most likely only serve to make him angry. my advice to you is to dump him as soon as you get the chance,and try to get over him. sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you dont want to end up a victim. :)
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