A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.Me and my girlfriend up until recently, about a month or so, were madly in love. Then she decided she was holding be back and that by being with her I wasn't achieving my life's potential or my dreams and wasn't truly happy with my life and would therefore in the long run not be happy with her. In some ways she was kind of right and her telling me this was the kick I needed to the rear to get up off my rear and start doing something about my life.However, I also realized that I would never be truly happy either if I didn't have her in my life and therefore decided that I would have to make a plan for my own self-improvement and achievement that would involve her and have being with her as one of the main goals and objectives.I tell her all this and try to explain to her that this is what I want and need. She remains skeptical and I try to tell her that despite what she may think I am not making any sacrifices or coming to compromises or basing all my life around her. But rather that she is such a big part of my life and my happiness that I couldn't make any plans without including her in them.At this point she tells me that she's done some soul searching of her own and realized that she just doesn't want to be with anyone right now. Just wants to be single and focus on her own life. She also tells me that she loves me more than anything and that I'm like no one else. That she'll never forget me and she hopes that one day we'll find each other again but for now we need to go our separate paths to find our happiness but that she wants us to remain friends and keep contact.No matter how much I try to convince her that I think we can work our plans together and that we should be helping each other out and making our lives together she just keeps pushing back. I'm so scared of losing her forever... somehow she doesn't seem to be as scared and just says "whatever is meant to be will be".I tell her that her words and actions lead me to believe that she really doesn't love me anymore. I tell her that it would be less hurtful if she was just honest with me and came out and said it. She, however, insists that it's not the case and I think she would tell me at that point if it really was the case as she's a very honest outspoken person. Her brother and her father, whom I've both spoken to as well, have also told me that she's been quite heartbroken over the whole situation and they don't really understand it either. So I believe that she still really has feelings for me.I'm just so confused that she says she loves me at the same time as she pushes me away and on top of everything else pulls the "Lets be friends" line. I mean, I find it hard enough just being "friends" as it is but it also makes me think and ask, is there any coming back from that? Do people seriously take a break, remain friends and then back together? I have every intention of remaining loyal as long as I see reason to and I have faith in her being honest about claiming to not want anyone right now. But still, how do people get back together after playing "friends"? Doesn't that eventually just phase the feelings out... I'm so confused and crying...Please, anyone, what is going on here and what am I to do!?!?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Well, the problem is, I know the love is there and that's the only reason I'm so confused. If she told me or I thought the love wasn't there anymore that she simply wanted to be done with it forever it'd be the easiest thing in the world for me to move one. I've had a lot of rejection in my life and I've become quite skilled at turning my back and never looking back. I've also had a very traumatic relationship before that had me scarred for a long time afterwards and the lesson learned from there was that I couldn't and wouldn't let that happen to me again and know just what to do if faced with that sort of situation. The thing is though that I am a romantic and I have a lot of hope, I'm generally optimistic. I get the feeling here that if I move on with my life she'll come round and want me back. But I'm also very scared that even though she might want me back that she wouldn't try or ask for it. Also I think it's a complete waste, we have something now and until a month ago it was very good. Both parties agreed that the three months we lived together prior had been some of the happiest times either had had. And I don't get why this can't be worked out and why we would have to start from scratch later down the line. I was close to asking this girl to marry me and I wanted that for us...I also hold the believe that anything worth anything is worth a good fight and all you got... funnily enough some people seem to see that as being naive...I don't know... maybe I am too good for this... time to move on I guess...
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 You don't say how long you were together but it sounds to me as if she is using you wanting to better yourself and her holding you back as an excuse to break things off. She might have an alterior motive here but she definitely wants some space to herself at the moment. It could be she wants to test her feelings for you, she could have someone else she's seeing and doesn't want to hurt you or it could be she's bored in the relationship and feels it's ran it's course. She may like you but the spark just isn't there? There could be lots of reasons...
The main thing here is to respect how she feels and give her the time out she needs to be alone and decide exactly what she wants from life. You obviously are more in love with her as no matter what you want to do with your life, you want to include her in it but she doesn't feel the same way for some reason. Remain focussed and think what you really want from life. Here's a link that might help you there.
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
I know it's hard for you but you do need to move on in the meantime. Don't sit around and mope, use this time to really think what you want to do with your life and go for it! It may be that she'll wait for a week or two and realise she's made the biggest mistake of her life and if that's the case then she'll be in touch. If not, then you just have to accept the fact that she wasn't right for you. If it's to be it WILL be, in the meantime keep busy, focussed and go for your dreams!
Eve
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A
female
reader, Darlene +, writes (16 March 2007):
 Sounds like she either has something to hide or she just doesn't love you anymore. maybe she never really did. you sound as if she has turned cold. love doesn't just turn into friendship not real love anyway. i think you should just pull yourself together and move on.
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