A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am sleeping with my husband's best friend.It started a year and a half ago. Every time we spend together is just amazing. He says all the right things and makes love to me in ways I cannot describe. Trouble is, I love my husband very much and I have no intention of leaving him. Lately I have become emotionally attached to my extramarital partner. He now has a girlfriend that he is serious about but I wonder sometimes if he compares us and find myself trying so hard to please him that I push him away.I don't want this to end but at the same time I feel I am losing my connection with him. He says we are ok and he could never leave me. This more than just sex, we connect on so many levels and I really don't want to lose that. Please help...I'm kinda getting desperate.
View related questions:
best friend, has a girlfriend, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2010): Hi Dirtball, 2 things went through my mind, either you were using an analogy (??) ( You were giving a hbs POV) or it was the truth. I searched your entire profile and could not find anything about your supposedly cheating wife. Normally I am a very sharp cookie but I guess the Xmas stuffing was in my eyes and thoughts. Boy I am so glad you are not a wimp. It may have changed my opinion of you (lol)
To the OP, my response was blocked by the over cautious and tactful Mods.
I am guessing it was their Xmas pressie to you.very tactfully, if you can sleep at night, then you know you are beyond redemption. If you can swallow your food without a lump in your throat, then who am I to tell you what u are doing is wrong. To each her own. I'd like to suggest you look up the meaning of : trustworthiness, honesty, integrity, dignity, morals. Wife. Best friend. Betrayal.divorce. Maybe once you realise the meaning of each word can you make an informed choice about your wrongdoing.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, MrsTetzlaff  +, writes (24 December 2010):
I am not reading others comments before I post this...
You have no choice but to stay with your husband in Gods eyes. But, if you don't care about your vows, then I suggest you tell your husband and you get a divorce.
If I were you, I never would have done what you have done. Unless your husband has that much bearing over you that you cannot leave, you should have told your husband that you no longer want to be with him and that you want to be with someone else and you should have left.
I am not saying this to make you feel that you are a bad person... you are seeking advice, advice - no matter what kind - is still better than nothing.
I think you are looking for people to justify what it is that you have been doing these past 18 months and that is just sick.
There is no goodness in what you have done. You have broken a vow that you made with a man that you apparently love. If you truly loved your husband, your cheating days would have never happened. I know this, I've been a cheater. I would never go back, not in a million years. There is no such thing as, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." It's a line of crap.
If you feel truly sorry, stop the cheating and don't tell your husband. If you want to stay with both, then I don't have an answer for you - you're nasty.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 December 2010):
 Sorry Lovegirl, thewalkindude nailed my intent there. If I were the OP's husband she would have divorce papers in front of her before she could blink and my "friend" would be lucky I have enough self control not to cut his nuts off. As I definitely have both the tools and skills to make it happen.
Guess I still need some practice using Tisha's technique. Thanks for the kind words though. I appreciate it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): Lovegirl, dirtball wasn't talking about himself he was trying to let the OP see things from her husbands point of view.
...............................
A
female
reader, CuteBabe +, writes (24 December 2010):
 Hey honey,
dirtball isn't nagging about his life and his wife and best friend's affair.. he is picturing what your husband might be thinking, it has nothing to do with him nor his life, it's about you..
He is trying to tell you that your husband trusts you and your sex babe, and that it's going to kill him when he finds out...
...............................
A
female
reader, JustAGirl.x  +, writes (24 December 2010):
 "I love my husband very much and I have no intention of leaving him."
are you being serious? you love your husband but you have a quickie everytime you and his best friend get a chance alone! also you have no intention of leaving him? that is just selfish! your ruining his life, he could be out there finding a woman who wouldnt do the dirty on him like you are, also you say your 'lover' has a girlfriend, so as if he's serious about you too, you need to get a grip on life, tell your husband the truth, this guy is probably using you, if you meant something to him he would be with you, and if he really really meant something to you, you wouldnt care about the pain your husband would be in if you left him because you know you would be happy with this bloke, its just a stupid affair that means nothing, nothing at all and you think it does, shame on you!
oh and by the way, dont put your husband through this, it really is selfish, he deserves someone better than you, you dont deserve to know what love is, and you never will, and if you ever do i hope you get walked all over like a doormat!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): To Dirtball, I just ready your response and then read your entire profile, rants and all. All I can say is wow.(Well not really all I can say). You are an intelligent, no nonsense, tells it like it is Man, yet if I read what you wrote below I am confused. Why seem so unsure, so much in pain and so much in limbo. If what u have written is true ( this 'affair' bet your best friend and wife) why are u not doing anything about it. You have a good head on your shoulders. You give excellent advice (most of the times) yet something so blatantly wrong is not handled by you. Why? Why have u not done what is expected of you, take the bull by the horns and address the problem? Sorry I am sticking my nose where it doesn't belong but I just am more than curious.
I value your thoughts and words and hey I believe u are a good guy. Come on, get a handle on things,man. You deserve so much better. Take charge of your life and your circumstances and do not ever settle as someone's second best. I just want to wish you peace and love on Xmas day and beyond.
Apologies to the OP, I just needed to send Dirtball a message.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
male
reader, erickgomez +, writes (24 December 2010):
I been on the extramarital partner's shoes many times so I'm going to give you a male perspective. First of all you need to understand that if he has a girlfriend is because on his mind everything is very clear and he knows that with you he could never have anything serious. Now that does not mean that he doesn't love you, but you need to be realistic you are married. You can't be selfish especially if it's someone that you cared about. Your probably just jealous because maybe things have changed and now he is not devoting all of his time to you like he probably was before, and in the end that is probably why your cheating on your husband. I know this might sound wrong to a lot of people but my advice to you would be to take things by the day without stressing it too much at the end of the day you still have your husband in case the extramarital affair ends. Evaluate the kind of connection that you have with your husband's best friend and compared it to the one you have with your husband. Put it all in a scale and see which one truly makes you happy and if you think that this guy is really worth it talk to him and let him know how you feel. Worst case scenario try to work everything out with the hubby. But just keep satisfying both needs until you figured everything out. t is a
Anyway good luck! Hope everything works out for the best of your interest because at the end that is what is all about!
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 December 2010):
Dear Cupid,
I'm at the end of my rope. I think my wife is stepping out on me. She's been spending a lot of time with my best friend lately. While I trust them both, it just seems odd how much time they are spending together. He's like a brother to me, so I don't think he'd hurt me like that, but this just keeps nagging at me.
The thing is, I think I treat my wife well. I do my best to help out with things around the house. I talk to my wife and I make sure she knows I love her. She just seems distant. She tells me she loves me, but there's little feeling behind her words.
I don't have any proof that she's cheating on me, but this gut feeling is killing me. It's even worse that I suspect my best friend of being the one she's cheating with. I don't know what to do anymore! What do I do if the two people I care about most are actually having this affair? Do I get a divorce? Can I salvage my friendship? Is it even worth it anymore? Why is this happening to me?
...............................
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (24 December 2010):
 You are being extremely selfish. Thinking about only your needs and not those around you. You have committed the ultimate betrayal and you don't even care. I feel so bad for your husband if he ever knew that his best friend AND his wife did this. this is two people in his life that he trust the most and for them to do this, it shows that you do NOT CARE about him.
You are using your husband for stability and having sex with his BF to satify for desire, lust, sexual drive.
I don't know what kind of help you want us to give?
You lover has a girlfriend now, and that shows that you are just a sex thing to him. He does not love you.
You desparately want this man to love you to fullfill something that is missing within you.
i bet if you ever won this guy over, then one day you will be bored and eventually find another lover to replace him.
so if you are looking for help. I say go to a therapist to work out your issues. This has nothing to do with your lover or husband but everything to do with you. Figure out why you are doing this to your husband without any remorse.
...............................
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (24 December 2010):
You are a mess. Let me get this straight...you're married, but cheating on your husband with his best friend who's cheating on his girlfriend with you. I feel sorry for your husband. And you want advice from the Aunts as to how you can keep your train-wreck of a life at status quo? I suggest you go and see a mental health professional. I'm not being facetious. The nonchalant tone of your question is truly disturbing, given its content.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 December 2010):
 You don't love your husband if you are sleeping with his best friend.
I doubt you even know what LOVE is.
Good luck with your life......
...............................
|
