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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm really worried. My 18 year old sister has a 17 year old boyfriend who i really love. I'm more compatable with him than she is and lately we seemed to be getting on really well (i'm 14) and we're great friends. The thing is a while ago when he was round at my house my sister had to pop to the shop quickly to get some drinks for us leaving me and the boy alone in the house. We started talking and he reached out to kiss me. I let him and then he took of my clothes and started fingering me. I did it back and he understands i'm too young for sex but we still do oral stuff. We meet up after school and at the park and stuff but my sister is still going out with him and knows nothing about our realtionship, i want to tell her but i don't know how! She's obsessed with this boy but he's mine now even though he's still technicaly her boyfrirnd. He's said he loves me and i don't want to lose him. Please help me!
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male
reader, yoyouyont +, writes (27 April 2006):
stop this now. you are being used for your naivety and jailbait attraction. you are not in a loving relationship and this will cause all sorts of problems for you and your family. your only excuse is your lack of worldly knowlegde. look out for your wellbeing not your hormones and youthfull lust.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2006): You say that you haven't had sex with him? Well, would you do the same things (you've done with him) with your father, grandfather, greatuncle? Please quit deceiving yourself.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (16 April 2006):
 I have read everything you have said and also all the comments of the other agony aunts/uncles and I do feel for you.
You are 14, the same age as one of my nieces, old aren't I. 40 honest!! Anyway, everything seems huge to you right now and if my sister had a hot boyfriend when I was your age I think I would have felt the same as you have done.
Do you love your sister, that's the big quetion?
My sister is 3 years older than me and when we were your age we fought like cat and dog and sometimes I really didn't like her at all but through loads of arguments over the years, and the fact that we are different, she is always there for me and I am there for her. She is the only sister I have got and I never forget that. You may not think of that right now but like the others have said this boy and possibly many others will come and go over the years but your family do matter a hundred fold.
This guy obviously thinks he has hit the big time, 2 sisters in one household, he approached you when your sister was out and you let him. Don't let yourself be used by him, fingering is just the start and like the others have said if he truly loves you why is he still seeing your sister and probably getting the sex he can't get with you right now.
I would test him though and say to him that you feel that you realise that what you have been doing is wrong and it is time to tell your sister and perhaps you could do it together, if he is genuine he will agree but I doubt it.
Don't let yourself be used or continue to be used, you are worth a lot more than this and you could be having a full non sexual relationship with a boy of your own age who will respect you and spend more time than the odd stolen moment in the park or after school. It will get to a point of sex with you possibly and then it could be an unwanted pregnancy, just value yourself a bit more and now you need to find inner strength as it will make you grow a lot.
Good luck and we are all here to help you know, so you can come back to us all as we are only looking out for you and hopefully the advice you get will help you.
BFN
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (15 April 2006):
 Im not going to tell you to stop seeing this bloke because you clearly have no intentions of doing so.
You know what you are doing is wrong and that what ever happens your sister is going to get really hurt and not even that bothers you, you just dont care about her, just you and this bloke who you say is yours, well is he, if he is yours why then is he still seeing and possibly sleeping with your sister.
Open your eyes and grow up, he is using you and her, he likes the fact that he has the two of you on the go and lets face it what an ego boost that is for him, bet his mates get a good laugh about that.
You say you have not had sex well how long do you think it will be before he starts asking, he is telling you he loves you and you are doing everything except that so very soon he will tell you that if you loved him as much as he loves you you will let him make love to you, but remember he is still having sex with your sister!!
Why not put his love for you to the test, tell him that you are going to tell your sister of your relationship and see what he does, if he loves you like he says then he will tell your sister himself and finish with her and stay with you and not pressurise you into sex as it is illegal for you to have sex with him due to your age.
Go on, put him to the test and let me know how wrong I was about him!!
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A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (15 April 2006):
 this guy is realluy no good.. I would as the others put it.. forget about him and stop being with him that way. He's a cheating scum of a boyfriend..
But I would caution you some on telling your sister directly unless you feel she won't be stupid to stick by him and believe him over you. perhaps just allude that he doesn't appear to be one that is faithful may just do it.. hopefully she'll ask you why..you can just say you have this feeling.. until she drags it out of you.. but well It's a hard situation and only you can really decide what you want to do with this.
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A
male
reader, Alexamanoo +, writes (14 April 2006):
I see how hard this must be for you. Don't do it again! In my opinion, he is just intersted in sex with you. Even if it is only oral. Again, he's bad enough fooling around with his girlfriends 14 year old sister. I think you should end this with this sex-obsessed guy and in the interest of protecting the relationship between you and your sister, don't tell her. At least for now. However, the choice is yours on these things. He may genuinely love you, maybe telling your sister won't be too bad. These are my thoughts. Follow your heart. In matters of love, thinking with the mind won't get you far.
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A
male
reader, CaptainPicard +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Honey, that guy is total scum and had no morals.
Kissing your girfriend's minor sister when she went out to buy some stuff is totally wrong.
You should do the right thing and tell yours sister and never see him again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006): He's using you. If he was really serious about going out with you, he'd have honourably broken things off with your sister first and then asked you out. Hell, if he were halfway decent he wouldn't be going after a 14 year old at all. Since he is the older party, the onus is on him to act more mature, which he's failed to do. He is in fact really jeopardizing your relationship with your sister, which can be much more damaging in the long run - boys come and go, but you'll need to see your sister at intervals for the rest of your life. All of his great qualities aside, he seems entirely willing to play the two of you against each other and lie to both of you, do you really want to date someone like that?
In future, it may be best to stick with a boy closer to your own age. It's also time to tell him that he doesn't confess what's been going on, you will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2006): Get ths guy out of your life, RIGHT NOW!
He obviously has no respect for either you, or your sister. If he is gonna carry on with you behind your sister's back, what kind of guy does that make him?!
It makes him a liar and a cheat who thinks he can get away with it, and make you believe him by telling you he loves you. He dosen't love either of you, both you and your sister deserve much better.
If your sister found out, no doubt she would be deeply upset but she would see him for the liar and the cheat he really is.
Don't carry on fooling around with this guy, it's all just gonna end in tears and you and your sister will be the ones that are hurt.
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A
female
reader, Seratuki +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Okay..you're 14, which IMHO is way to young to be messing with guys...also, you and your sister are FAMILY! boys come and go..but are you really willing to alienate your sister over a boy who will most likely be gone eventually anyway?
You really need to think this through here, and you DO need to tell her, but so does he, you're both wrong on this one..
I know whaen you're 14 you think it will last forever, but 9 times out of 10 it doesn't hon...sorry to say.
You need to take a step back and see where your loyalties lie here...
HTH..
Sera
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A
female
reader, eï? Sophie eï? +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Well, this is a bit of a dodgy situation!!!! Now if your sister left you inside the house with her b/f alone together, she obviously trusted you and assumed that you wouldn't do anything...but unfortunately you did! :-/
Now your both seeing each other behind your sisters back, do you think that’s the good thing to do? Like you said your sister is absolutely mad in love with him, and if she finds out about you two, she’s going to be extremely upset and that isn't fair on her. I know you really like this boy and he likes you too from what you have told me, but for the time being however hard it will be, it may be sensible to stop meeting him elsewhere for awhile. Once you have done that so give it a few days-week and then confront your sister about u and her b/f, however you want to do that; maybe write a letter, email her, or just simply talk to her about what’s been going on (this may be tricky). Lastly i can’t guarantee that she's going to be aright with that and i doubt it very much, but at least then you would of been truthful with her and done the right thing in the end. If her and her b/f break up or patch things up, give it time for things to settle down because of aggro etc. You don't want to destroy any sisterly bond you may have, over a boy that is kind of playing you both, even though he may feel differently about you and your sis.
I know at times we cannot control out feelings! :) GOOD LUCK BBZ XXX
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