A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help with a difficult situation. I met a girl about three months ago through a work friend and we hit it off. We have been dating since then and I feel as if the relationship is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Unfortunately, she was only temporarily living in my area of the country until this week and has to move back. I need advice on how to make a long distance relationship work until we can both figure out what our futures hold and how we can end up together again.But that is not the only problem. My feelings are also a little mingled about her at the moment. As I said I felt as if the relationship was incredible until she left. To start, I have always worried about the size of my penis, it is way too small. My girlfriend however, always complemented me on my abilities which made me feel great and confident. Unfortunately I found evidence to the contrary. After she left my house for the last time to move back across the country I saw that she left her social networking profile open and still logged in. I shouldn't have gone snooping as I know I violated her privacy and trust, but I was curious about how she portrayed me to her sister thinking she was saying good things. I found a message immediately where she berated me due to the extremely small size of my penis, and the conversation went back and forth between the two continuously about how I could not satisfy her and how my penis was comically small. I was completely heartbroken! I know I did something wrong by looking at the messages, but I feel completely violated and used because of what she said. How can I deal with this? I love her so much, but I don't know if and how I should bring this up to her, especially as she is now currently on her way driving thousands of miles across the country. Any advice on either of my predicaments would be greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, alex74 +, writes (11 May 2011):
 Personally, this would be a deal-breaker for me. My wife told me to my face that her former lover was BIG and could make her orgasm w/ vaginal sex. This has messed with my head to no end since I am average and have to give her "O's" manually. As best I can tell, I make up for my physical/sexual inadequacies in other areas and she is overall completely satisfied. Your girl has complained about your size to a third party. This is worse than just venting to herself in a diary or journal. This woman is apparently in need of physical fulfillment more than anything else. If she gives you any grief about her privacy invasion, this is a cop-out and a deflection of the matter at hand. She wrote what she wrote and there is no taking it back. It is there in black and white. Best of luck to you. Dump her shallow butt and I hope you find a woman that loves YOU first and the penis you are packing second. As mentioned by others, she can find a satisfactory big tally-whacker. He'll probably be an a*#-hole the remaining 99% of the time they aren't in the sack.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): thats what happens when you know your making a choice in going against someones privacy ;) Its kinda like pandora's box, or Shrodinga's cat. If you not sure what that is, do some research into it, you might understand my answer. goodluck to you sir
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (10 May 2011):
Ouch!!! Sex is such a head game to begin with and it depends a lot on one's confidence in bed. Personally, I would be so pissed off about what she said that I wouldn't want to sleep with her again anyway. I'd be so turned off by her that I'd have to just end it. Sorry for your troubles. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): From the sounds of this, this is probably a dead horse and you got used.
If that happens, then the problem isn't the size of your penis, it's the woman you were having sex with, and she can go find another penis with a large dick attached to the base of it.
Really, she's either extremely immature, or she's worse.
You might want to talk with her, but she wrote what she wrote.
I'd just let her know that you know what she wrote about you, how you found out is really none of her business and you need to get that down cold, that you don't appreciate that kind of treatment and disrespect, and you need to find someone that really appreciates you and doesn't treat you like trash when you aren't around.
If you want to be cruel, you could say something like "your vagina was just so floppy and loose that it seemed really wasted" and "even with my small penis I could tell that it as not a very good vagina".
But, I'd not do the last part, because it's mean, cruel, and vindictive and will prey on her mind sexually. She's the way she is because of other issues, you don't want to add to that.
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A
female
reader, turtle escape +, writes (9 May 2011):
I say talk to her about it. She may be mad about you snooping but she still did something wrong. If she loves you and is just frustrated with the sex (sex is not everything so dont let it be) then you should maybe try pleasuring her other ways (oral, fingers, and even try some toys).
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A
female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (9 May 2011):
:( That's mean. If I was you, I'd also confront her, as many have said before.And, I agree with another agony aunt, some women DO discuss everything with their best friend/sister. Even penis size. In "sex and the city", those 4 women discuss the taste of their lovers cum at a coffee table.Some women feel unable to handle problems themselves so they always seek advice and comfort. It's childish, I admit. And I too think a man's penis size should ONLY be mentioned in a complimenting way, if ever.But, this stupid habit of being indiscrete doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't love you. Maybe she really does. We don't know yet.So yes, it's terrrible but you still have a small chance this won't be the end of it all. Confrontation is your next project. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2011):
 how cruel of her!and you want to be in an LDR with her because why?LDRs SUCK (this should me my sig line I say it enough)no you should not have snooped... but you had a reason. It's funny, my man and I are in an LDR and both of us are online a lot and yet I never snoop on his stuff (even when he's asleep and I'm in his computer) because I don't think he's got anything he doesn't tell me.... yes there are times he says things to my face that HURT my feelings but I know at least he's HONEST with me.truthfully for many women sex btw is NOT about penetration as that will NOT satisfy many if not most women... I personally don't care if my lover has a large penis or not as there are many other ways to satisfy a woman (oral and manual stimulation).... and for ME, the cuddles before and after are even better....I don't think this relationship has a solid foundation of trust and honesty to sustain it long distance long term...best of luck to you
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 May 2011):
 It's not clear to me that this relationship has any hope of surviving, and certainly not as an LDR. She needs the opportunity to decide if she wants to stay with a guy who invades her privacy. You need to decide if you honestly believe she is happy with you sexually.
Cards on the table time, isn't it? She has to stop and sleep and eat; even if she is driving across the country, she'll have some time to talk to you. You can either wait until she reaches her destination, or you can talk about it over the phone at one of her stops.
If you two do decide to try to work it out, you will have to cope with the knowledge that she's discussed your private sexual life with her sister and you eventually will be seeing her sister. She'll have to cope with knowing that you are insecure in your size and ability in bed, as well as being willing to invade her privacy and snoop. I would say you'd need some third-party perspectives on this and in order to have any chance at maintaining an LDR that has begun on the worst possible foundation, you'd have to call in a couple or relationship counselor.
Be honest with her now, you have nothing to lose. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): Was she making fun of you or just telling her sister her frustrations about your penis size?If she was making fun of you, then leave her. She's obviously shallow and selfish and not worth the hassle over.If she is genuinely frustrated then perhaps try not to be to hateful to her although I can understand why you would feel crushed. I agree that maybe she shouldn't have pretended everything was perfect but if she does care for you for more than just sex then what could she say that wouldn't hurt you? It may of been a very difficult topic for her to bring up. As for telling her sister....you may not like it but women do discuss their sex lives with friends and sisters. So if she wasn't being malicious then first decide if you can get over this - knowing she said what she did, if not leave her. Otherwise, have a chat with her about it and see if you can work it out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): My current boyfriend has a less than average sized penis but it's not something I would EVER discuss with anyone else, let alone to make fun of him with one of my sisters. That is total disrespect.
Sounds like you've given your heart to someone who doesn't deserve it. Sorry :(
On the upside, there are plenty other women out there who will still be attracted to you and appreciate you regardless of your penis size. My ex was generously endowed but he treated me like crap.. My current, although not as well equipped, fulfils me in ways that are infinitly more meaningful. Plus - I still love having sex with him, can't get enough of him to be honest! Penis size is NOT the be all and end all.
Move on, let yourself heal and look forward to the day you find some worthy of your affections. She's out there!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Be honest with her and have a heart to heart conversation. You love her, and obviously she's crazy about you. If she was only using you or making fun of you she wouldn't have been with you for 3 months or wanting to continue being with you even if she's moving away. If she wasn't serious about you she'd call the relationship off, right?
Perhaps it is best if you and her aren't together, you should think about that a little. You will always remember what she said about your penis, and you will always be insecure about it, first off because you yourself aren't satisfied with yourself, and second because you know she joked about it to her sister. Do you really think you can ever be completely happy in a relationship with her knowing this?
Granted, sex isn't all in a relationship, and she obviously thinks you're worth keeping despite the penis size. People who love each other have a tendency to accept each other despite whatever, both physical aspects or personality aspects.
Whatever you decide, be honest with her about this. Because it will be on the back of your mind, and it's better to get it out there in the open. She thinks you have a small penis, and you violated her privacy and went snooping. You're both not perfect in each other eyes... but can you work through it? Is the relationship worth this, seeing as it is going to be a long distance relationship to top it off?
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A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (9 May 2011):
Honeypie hit the nail on the head, especially with the first sentence of her post. To be quite honest, I would be honest with her and tell her what you saw. And, in an adult like fashion, I would make her feel lower than whale s*** for what she said about you; her actions have a name and it is called BETRAYAL.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2011):
 Honestly, if that is how she talks about you behind your back WHY would you even WANT to attempt a relationship with her? Be in LDR or not?
I would be honest with her (once she gets to her destination) say sorry, but I don't think you and i will ever work out. This is why.(then explan that yuo say what she wrote to her sister).
Find a girl who is honest and not so focused on the size of your penis, but that of your heart.
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