A
female
age
36-40,
*Bubbles
writes:i was feeling blue so i googled that i don't like myself and i saw someone talking about being depressed so when i saw this website i felt like this could be my escape to express myself; so i decided to sign up so here i am. i have be feeling depress and sad about my appearance. i don't like the way i look i don't feel naturally beautiful; you see i want to be beautiful like the celebrities and beauty queens. i am so confuse i don't know what beauty is anymore i don't know if it's natural or plastic surgery. i was watching something over the net about cosmetic surgery and they were saying the hollywood wants natural beauty and not surgery enchance and i am so so confused.i always thought that hollywood was about being beautiful;it's hard to believe that they want natural beauty over surgery enchancement.i don't know what to do with myself anymore or do. i know that hollywood wouldn't take a plain jane.
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female
reader, BBubbles +, writes (8 October 2010):
BBubbles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): beauty captures the eye the mind captures the heart.
hollywood is so fake that it is imprudent to draw a generalization as to what "beauty" may be. Celebrities and whatnot I do NOT find attractive because of how much they are into themselves. They arent confident. Because they have status in that society they feel pressured to look a certain way and they allow that to take over their mindset. I wouldnt doubt if half the relationships and marriages in hollywood ended in part because of some insecurity with looks in a given person. You are who you are and as beautiful as you need to be...dont let anyone influence that sugar. There are men out there like myself who have no type, cause if u read my quote its mind first body second...and thats something I will forever damn well stick by.
Kind Regards
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 I used to be like you, until about my early 30's. Well, it was not that bad, because - if I can say so myself- I was born sort of cute, let's say a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10. But that's the thing- I did not want to be cute ,or pretty- I wanted to be perfect.
And perfect, I was not. To begin with, I am 5'3" ( standing very straight :) - not a supermodel height. Then, my teeth always had like a mind of their own, and , after many years of braces and many thousands of dollars in dentist's fee, still proudly claimed their independence and hatred for correct alignment.
It did not help having a beauty queen type mother. It's tough when you are 16 and you go out with your mom, and all the guys turn their head to oogle...your mom. It also did not help that my two best friends in high school were the hottest chicks in the school and usually got more attention than me ( but , I must say, they were really nice,cool girls, and we are still friends nowadays - it goes to show how not all pretty girls are bitches ). It also did not help getting married with a rather neurotic guy who took anything less than perfect as a personal offence : from wrinkled shirts to mixed breed dogs to imperfectly groomed women.
I remember I was- well .not obsessed, luckily , but let's say very proactive in improving all that could be improved. Diets. Exercise. Cosmetics. Hair extensions. Tanning. ( Not plastic surgery , I wasn't SO proactive,lol ).
But nothing was ever enough because I think my goal was being - not me. Another person.
Good cosmetics work- nice clothes worl- hair styles work- but only if you want to be the best possible version of YOURSELF. Not someone else.
I remember I was in acting class and my teacher said that I reminded her of a young Anna Magnani ( Italian Oscar winning actress ). She meant it like a big compliment - but I was crushed. Anna Magnani had a very intense, dramatic, sensual face - NOW I think she was a bomb. But, she was no Barbie doll , no Hollywood beauty. She was different...she was herself.I did not want to be different - I wanted to be cookie cutter pretty, soap opera pretty. Plastic pretty .
Same as you want now.
It all changed, luckily. It did not happen overnight, and I cannot pinpoint exactly how and when. It was a combination of things. Maybe it was when I had my child, since I was so clearly for him the most awesome creature in the world , when he was a toddler, that I really needed no more outside validation. Or maybe it was just the theatre. Theatre is not about pretending- it's about truth. You have to be yourself, it turns you inside out like a glove, if you have a little beauty inside you- it will show on the outside and you 'll never be able to go back to fake beauty dictated by fashion magazines. Maybe it was about work and family and social life, I was very busy tryng to put all this together and I had no time for mental masturbation about Mirror mirror on the wall. Or maybe I just grew up a bit ! ( I am a late bloomer :).
I honestly don't know, at some point I just decided that I wanted to be beautiful yes, but like ME, not like someone else's idea of beauty. Not like the Hollywood stars or the soap opera heroines or the runway models.
I'd say it worked.
I have no problem admitting that with every year that passes, I am less "glamorous ". Every year I get less and less admiring stares ; the construction workers that used to whistle at me passing by, now politely say " Good morning ma'am". I don't care.
Beauty is not about years or inches or pounds, beauty is not looking like a doll just out of the box.
Beauty is feeling good in your skin, and wanting to be exactly the woman you are, and loving and accepting yourself with your imperfections, as you love and accept
all people with their imperfections.
I am sure you can be beautiful. I am sure you ARE beautiful right now.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 Ok it is quite simple - Actresses in Hollywood are paid to be beautiful - just like models. Therefore if you want to be an actress, most people if not born excelptionally beautiful will have surgery to make themselves more attractive hence they can earn more money and be more successful as an actress. Megan Fox is the perfect example - she was reasonably pretty but not exceptional when she was younger (watch the programme Hope & Faith and you will see). But then after she spent thousands of dollars on surgery, she is now hailed as one of the most beautiful women in the world.
But she also gets help from airbrushing, great lighting, personal trainers and make-up artists. So with her money, it would be hard for her not to look good!
However just because she is nice to look at it does not mean that she is a nice person or you would want to date her (just as you could say a building is nice to look at - it doesnt mean you will want to live there!). I know this is corny, but it is true - beauty does come from within. You can be as stunning as you like on the outside, but if you are nasty, ignorant and uneducated then you are never going to be beautiful. You have to be intelligent, friendly, caring, happy and confident in yourself. This radiates out from you and makes you far more attractive than you can ever be with just looks alone.
There really is no point in comparing yourself to hollywood actresses and models, they have millions of dollars to help them look that way whereas us every day people just have to make the most of what we have. We all have bits of our bodies we like, and bits we dont like. All you have to do is learn to make the most of your shape by accentuating the good bits and disguising the bad. Make sure you always try and look after yourself the best you can, so stay in shape (this can be done for free, by walking or jogging etc), keep your hair nice, experiment with make up and learn what suits you, keep your nails nice etc. If you look after yourself and make an effort then this instantly transforms you from "plain jane" to a nicely put together woman who clearly takes pride in her appearance.
And one final thing - you need to realise that hollywood and the fashion industry are already changing their idea of what "beauty" is, and the general consensus is that there is no one "ideal" when it comes to beauty. Look at Christina Hendricks from Mad Men - she has literally turned the fashion world upside down! She is a UK size 14 (so I think thats a US 10?), she has boobs and hips, flame red hair and pale skin. Yet she has inspired the catwalks for autumn/winter, bringing back the hourglass silhouette and making it fashionable again to look like a woman!
So what you need to keep in mind is that beauty is different for everyone, and can change on a seasonal basis! Which means that comparing yourself to an actress, or basing your happiness on looking a certain way, only means you are setting yourself up to fail. Beauty is also in the eye of the beholder - if you name one actress you think is beautiful there will be hundreds or thousands that disagree with you. There will be many people that think you are beautiful - but you just dont have the confidence in yourself to believe it.
Beauty is what you want it to be - think about how you would like to look and go about making it happen. I personally would not have surgery until I am much older as I think it is only really a good thing for keeping you looking attractive when nature is trying to do the opposite. But in your 20's, you have youth on your side which means great skin, glossy hair and vitality. Make the most of it! You can make yourself look so different just with a hair cut and a bit of make-up, and some new clothes that fit well and flatter you in all the right places.
Dont get yourself down by comparing yourself to something that is completely unattainable - that would be like a zebra looking at a giraffe and wishing they could be that colour! We cannot be like celebrities because we do not have a team of hair and make-up people, we are not airbrushed to perfection in all our photos, we are not paid to work out and look fantastic 24/7. So dont try and be something you are not - learn to love what you already have, you were born with this body and this face so make the most of it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 October 2010):
If a woman walks into a room and she's confident, she has my attention. That's all it takes.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 Because inside everyone knows that 'Hollywood' beauty was usually fake. People like Janice Dickinson have no real beauty, maybe they did once, maybe they were too afraid to let it go as they got older or maybe they failed to see it where it once was.
Do not be confused. Let me clarify what beauty is. Never doubt that you are beautiful. There are ways to be naturally beautiful, love yourself and be confident. Do things that make you feel good, try different styles that you like. But beauty comes in different forms. Beauty exudes from your soul, through your flesh until everyone around you sees it. Beauty can arouse the senses, sight, sound, smell and touch but real beauty, arouses thought. Why do most people enjoy beautiful scenery? because it stimulates JUST their senses? No, because it inspires them. And you can inspire people without make-up or even physical beauty. Just be confident and be happy with yourself, feel good about yourself. Try doing things that inspire you and perhaps others, try styles with your hair or maybe make sure your skin is as clean and glowing as it can be. That would still be natural beauty and if you feel good with it, there is no reason why your inner beauty won't suddenly pour out of your ever pore.
I hope that helps.
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