A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am cheating on my GF. should i stop. i cant help it i like the excitement of chasing new women and when i see a beautiful woman im curious how it feels to be with her. but i like having something guaranteed at home. but people make it seem like a big deal to cheat. but no one is getting hurt.Also i treat my GF verywell and take care of her Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (22 August 2012):
You know - its funny, but I think I heard your girlfriend saying the same exact thing......
Now how wrong is it?
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 I'm curious as to why you asked this question if you felt it was not a big deal. Clearly you have doubts. I assume then that you are not so adamant in thinking that cheating is no big deal. I also find it curious that toward the end of the post you continually attempt to assure everyone if not yourself that you are not hurting your girlfriend. Obviously, even you feel that what you are doing is wrong.
Your question was not WHY people feel such disgust toward cheating but whether you should stop. I believe you already knew what these people would answer.
In short. Yes. Stop cheating on your girlfriend. Whether that means breaking up with her or simply putting a stop to the cheating and putting all that effort into your relationship is up to you. But yes, stop cheating.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
 I totally agree that if it’s not so bad and it’s not a big deal you should tell your gf and get her permission to do this. IF it’s just about the chase and the excitement of new women then having your GF approve of it means it’s not cheating.
IF your comment is that “it will not go over well, she wouldn’t understand, she won’t be happy” or anything like that, then my question to you is “who’s NOT getting hurt?”
You are cheating.
You are lying.
Do you want to find out she’s cheating on you for the exact same reason? How would that make YOU feel?
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A
female
reader, Miss Marble  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 I wouldn't like a boyfriend who cheated on me. You should let her decide if she wants to share you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): Well, if it's really not a big deal to you, then why not ask you girlfriend what she thinks? Seriously, see how she feels! But here you are looking for someone to validate what you already know is wrong.
If you were treating her well and with respect, you would not be cheating on her. You are deceiving her because she believes she is your girlfriend and once that status is achieved that means you have no interest in anyone else and are building a relationship with one person. This is not what you want or what you are doing. You are not mature enough or are ready to make a relationship committment with one person, so stop being a fraud and pretending you are. There is nothing wrong with playing the field, but not at the expense of another person (or the people you are cheating with). Nobody is getting hurt because you haven't been found out yet...get real buddy. What goes around comes around and eventually you will get yours... I hope you are at least being safe and protecting yourself...it's bad enough you are having sex with other women, but passing on an STD is lower than low. One day when you grow up and consider how others feel and what your actions and choices could do to them, this will all make sense, but until then, try to be a man and let your girlfriend go so she can find a man who will put her on a pedestal and not waste any more time with a man who cannot be faithful to her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2012):
 If you want to sleep with whomever WHY on Earth be in a relationship? Go be single - Screw around all you want.
Does your GF know that you cheat? If not.. Tell her and see exactly why people resent cheaters.
You are using your GF. Not loving her.
But having a GF and letting her think she is the ONLY one for you, while messing around is just wrong. The fact that you don't get that.. it's sad.
Do you know what morals and values are? And why they are useful in a society?
I feel kind of sorry for you, because your post seems emotionally stunted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): It would be ok if she knew about it. It calls open relationship. Some people agree to it from the beginning and follow through.
Is your girlfriend allowed to do the same, or does she know about your adventures
some people are just not monogamous. They can't stay with one person, they need to romance and as you put it to have an excitement of chasing all the time.
All of it would be ok, if there were no secrets. The fact that you need to have something guaranteed at home tells me that you hardly think of her feelings. I have a feeling she has no idea about your adventures.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Its using people when I was a big time cheater it boils down to self happiness I was lying and deceiving but I was hurting them even thought they thought they could work with it and one party involved messed around as well and she still got hurt by love and hates me the other party I broke up with cause I saw his pain and I knew I would not stop cause the relationship was not what I wanted the image to fit in society he really dont care about me he cared about image and he got threaten when I started cheating but I was honest about things and in my situation both would have probably did exactly what I have done except been as honest and truthful. you have to find a cheater to date and meet up with same goals
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): The biggest problem here is that you have to live a lie. You can't be honest about who you really are and live a life of integrity. You are right in that she could live a life with you for 60 years and die happy and ignorant never knowing any different, but you do. You will live knowing that you aren't being an honest person. You also have to knowingly lie to her and deceive her, and this is bad in that it makes you a liar and a deceitful person. Its not just a question of the possibility of hurting her, its what you do to yourself, in choosing the kind of person you want to be in the world. This is different from having a bad conscience, I am not trying to make you feel guilty for doing something wrong. I am saying that when you make these choices, you are choosing to become a particular kind of person in the world, and there are better choices to make.
Also, there is a strong likelihood that sleeping with other partners affects the degree to which you can become emotionally close with your partner. Most people who are in love, or are at least committed and emotionally close to their partners, would not be interested in sleeping with other people. So in doing so, you are probably limiting the kind of relationship you are able to have, and your emotional capacity as a person. This may not be true, but in my experience it most likely is. Again, limiting yourself to relationships where you aren't bothered by sleeping around means you probably aren't reaching the kinds of emotional depths in your relationships to be fully loved, to fully love, to be challenged emotionally and to grow emotionally. The challenges of mature and emotionally deep relationships is one of the main ways we grow and evolve as humans. You might be choosing the easy, fun route, but you are the one who loses out in the long run by the kind of person this turns you into.
If you want to live a life of integrity and still sleep with lots of women, and have a relationship, then find a partner who is happy to have an open relationship. Or just stay single. If you choose to live a lie in your most important relationships, you do yourslf harm more than anyone else.
Also, your lack of concern about the hurt you could cause your partner is generally considered to show a lack of caring and empathy. In a sense you care about her, but you are more concerned about having her as a guarantee, rather than being genuinely concerned for her wellbeing. You probably don't really love her, so in a sense, you can do better, by finding someone that you really want to love with your whole heart. You're in something safe and convenient. And she can do better too by the way. In my opinion.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): Gee u took ur life in your hands posting that !!!!! Hmm answer most definately YES Cheating is just totally wrong, why have a girlfreind? You dont love her , as u woildnt cheat and i just dont get why ur with her? ...... Having been cheated on myself, ive never gotten my head round why men dont just say 'sorry love ya just not doin it for me' rather than pretend??? Surely ur putting off the inevitable? I guess you get one out of ten for honesty, but nine out of ten for stoopid question, to which u already know the answer. But give ur girlfreind a break bf u give her an std!
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 I get that you feel like this. I think most guys do. but you're not showing respect for your girlfriend and her feelings. Its normally part of the deal that you don't sleep with someone else. what would you think if she was sleeping around? maybe she is. have you asked her? thats what you deserve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): What a dumb ass. I'm not even going to answer what "karma" will answer for you someday.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Your submittal is a gallant attempt to justfy acting like a RAT.... but, unfortunately, most of us see it for just what it is....
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male
reader, sunilal  +, writes (22 August 2012):
speak to your GF about it. really. and see what she tells.
for me cheating is not good.
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female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (22 August 2012):
How sick. How decietful. How sad for your gf. She deserves better. I do not understand people like you. I understand that you like to be with different people, i get that you want something stable at home, what i do not understand cheating! Why not break up with your gf. It hurts her. Get with someone who is open to an open relationship or that wants to swing? Why lie? Why not be honest? Why cheat? Its hurtful and unfair to your partner. People like you are the reason divorce rate is so high. Ugg.
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female
reader, katiekate +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Yes, it's a big deal. Yes, it's bad. You're an ass. You don't deserve to have a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): As I always say - "If you're going to sleep around, then stay single"
Cheaters always get found out eventually.
Take a minute to think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, and you were the loyal, committed and dedicated boyfriend. Only to find out your girlfriend has been totally disrespecting you, and living a lie behind your back?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): i think you should split with your girlfriend she desurves to have a noncheating man and u deserve all the ladies you want ,it just makes more sence and it is more kind to both of you that way
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (22 August 2012):
 You are only thinking of your needs and your happiness. Try to relate to how others feel - i.e. your girlfriend. You are not treating her well. Put yourself in her position, imagine how you would feel if she acted the way you are acting. Would you feel hurt if she was cheating? How would you feel if someone was doing this to your sister/ niece/ daughter?
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (21 August 2012):
 Your girlfriend is getting hurt because you are cheating on her. She may not know it now, but with every new girl you are with, there is a higher probability that she is going to find out. Most women like a man who is faithful. Does your girlfriend believe in you and believe you are faithful? Is so, you are hurting her.
If you want to chase women and have indiscriminate sex, then let your girlfriend go and do you what you want. You are with her under false pretenses though, and she has a right to know what you are doing and why.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (21 August 2012):
 you say no one is getting hurt, but that isn't entirely true. Your girlfriend will be devastated when she finds out, and trust me, she will eventually find out.
What about the girls your cheating with? there may come a time when one of them wants to be more then just your bit on the side, and then your whole life is going to unravel.
What you're dong is building a reputation as a man who can't be trusted. Eventually no decent woman is going to want anything to do with you. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? What if your girlfriend was the one out there cheating with every man who sparked her interest? Would that be alright with you?
If you don't want to be faithful, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. Do your girlfriend a favor an cut her loose, so she can go find a man worthy of her.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (21 August 2012):
 If you didn't think you were doing anything wrong, you wouldn't be keeping it a secret from your girlfriend now, would you? She'll be devastated when she finds out. You moron.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): Trust me, she's hurt because of it. If you're spending time with other women then how can you be giving her the time she needs? Try to see her view if she found out: Cheating is basically being told that she's unimportant and will never be good enough for you because you have to have another besides her. That may not be how you see it but its how women see it. I've been on both ends. I'm never making that mistake again. Hope you see it differently now or have some understanding.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 August 2012):
And then she finds out and you wonder what happened. Also it easy to cheat when you aren't the victim. I feel sorry for your girlfriend. It's not big deal to you since you aren't the one being cheated on. Perspective goes a long way in life.
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female
reader, Dangerously Enthusiastic. +, writes (21 August 2012):
 You don't treat her very well!
You're cheating on her!
You clearly don't deserve someone at home waiting for you.
STOP CHEATING.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): I don't know, if you genuinely think it's no big deal, perhaps tell your gf honestly that you are cheating on her and what does she thing about that? is she hurt? If you are reluctant to do this, or you do but she reacts badly, then that's your answer. You need to find a gf that is okay with an open or casual realtionship if this is what you want to do.
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female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (21 August 2012):
 "but no one is getting hurt". Yes they are~ if your girlfriend finds out she will be extremly hurt which isn't treating her very well. If you want to chase after women then be single. You can't have it both ways.
Cheating is the ultimate one thing in a relationship that I could and would never tolerate no matter what; if I found out my boyfriend had cheated on me, whether once or many times I would dump him straight away, no matter how strongly I felt for him.
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