A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i had an affair with a married man for one year. i fell pregnant and he said it wasn't the right time for us to be having children but we would when i no longer worked with him and i had my own flat. i had the abortion, reluctantly but then he ignored me, and has done ever since, although during in work he still smiled and touched my hand giving me completely confused mesages. i cuol forget about him and move on but i know he was unhappy in his marriage and we had such a connection. now i'm thinking of exposing him for all the wrong reasons. what wuold you do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): I agree with Eddie 100%. The words could not have been put together so accurately if I had written them myself. I do not mean to be judgmental but right is right and wrong is wrong. Whether this man has children or not is beside the point. All of a sudden you want to share your new found knowledge with his wife. Why? You just want to ruin his marriage b/c you are bitter. He may not have promised you anything but surely you expected something more than a trip to the clinic when he did not want you to have his child. I have no sympathy for you, your decision to get involved with him was selfish and most of all it was stupid. I hope that one day you are lucky enough to find a good husband, and if you are lucky he will not run into a women like you a homewrecker. You say that he never used the I m unhappy at home line on you, and you are not another statistic when in fact you are. How did you "know" he was unhappy at home? Get over it you got played. Find your own man, and start using some birth control to avoid unwanted pregnancies.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): I was in your situation at the age of 16, thankfully I never became pregnant...but I do look back on this situation and wish that I had run away when I first laid eyes on this man. Because he treated me just as bad if not worst than this. The final straw was when he tried to hit me I ran away and never looked back. I am married with a man who loves me very much now and we have a child together. I never told this other mans wife because I was ashamed and scared. He still hates me thought (the married guy) and has even cause problems for me to this day by going to my husbands place of employment and mocking him for being with me. Truth be told these relationships are full of drama and passion I just hope you the best and advise you to walk away and not cause something explosive or dangerous to happen. Its the wifes problem if she has the wool over her eyes and doesnt know shes married to the big bad wolf.
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A
female
reader, SuzieH  +, writes (16 September 2007):
In response to Frank B Kermit's answer. Do you know the full circumstances behind what transpired? Kermit is basically a wounded soul.Telling the wife or anyone that knows him? That would put so much pressure on your relationship should he leave. I have no way of knowing the full background of your relationship or his marrriage. Sometimes it is almost impossible to leave a marriage for reasons that others do not understand. If he truly did not want anything to do with you he would have severed the relationship.
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (16 September 2007):
 Youth has you in a position of ignorance. You are blind to reality. I'm sorry if that's blunt but what would you prefer? Should I say...it's too bad you made such poor choices. I hope the next time you want to sleep with another woman's husband he's willing to give up on his marriage? Would that help you to justify your poor choice..or his?
You may not have intended to set out and be with a married father...but you did. And, when you found out, you made another poor choice by continuing. If you were guilty of nothing before hand, you were guilty after you had all the details. At that point though, you were only thinking about yourself. You did not care about anybody else or what was the proper thing to do. Actually, you say you worked together for a year and dated for 5 months. If you couldn't figure out he had a family, it's because you didn't want to know the truth.
So now you're a martyr. You want to save his wife from a life of pain and lies. That is very big hearted of you. Have you considered that you're actually saving her from a woman like you, who after she found out her boyfriend was married, continued to be with him. He told you he loved his wife and never made any promises. What does that say about you? It says that you were just in it for fun. Do you think it will be fun for his family. You see, you were part of the problem, not the solution. What would you say to the woman?......Hi. I was seeing your husband for quite a while. We had an affair. I was doing lots of rotten things behind your back. Even after I realized he had a family, I didn't care. Now, believe it or not, he's staying with you. So, since I can't have him, I want to put the icing on the cake and hammer the nail a little further in to his chest and yours. That's why I'm letting you know he and I were fooling around behind your back. Are you glad I told you?....
You were BOTH wrong. He might have been technically more wrong but you took part in the rotten deed. Society works best when people have integrity, honor and respect. In order to have peace and kindness in this world, we have to respect others. People who participate in affairs and unkind acts do not help our world. In fact, they add to the chaos. Your guy had a moral and legal obligation to his wife and family. You, have a moral obligation to mankind to do what is socially and morally acceptable. When you choose not to, you are "the problem".
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (16 September 2007):
 I wouldn’t expose him because it might hurt you even more. I understand your thoughts about his wife, but that is not your job now to protect her from being cheated upon with others. What you should concentrate on at this point is to take care of yourself to come over the abortion, which must have been very hard for you. Then I would stay away from this man no matter what. He says you will be together later when you have your own flat and so on, what does he mean by that? Even if it is true that he is unhappy in his marriage and you really had a special connection, still he has made a choice to remain where he is rather than be with you and take care of you and your baby. Leave him there, I wouldn’t put any more energy on him and to expose him would mean a lot of energy spent. Save it for yourself.
Take care, wish you all the best!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfirst, can i say that judging me does not help and considering you have only heard one fragment of the story, how can you presume that i am just another stastic in a married man's list of affairs? as for those of you who say about "his children" you are again making assumptions because i never knew that he already had children. i wasn't used because if it was just about sex, i'm sure we would have slept togther sooner than the 5 months we waited, not to mention the year before our relationship developed when we were inseperable during work and when we saw each other outside of the workplace. and i am certainly not a home wrecker. i never intentionally set out to fall in love with someone who is married but i did, and considering that he never made any false promises to leave his wife, i wasn't given the line about how unhappy he was, or anything alike, in fact he made no attempt to hide the fact he loved his wife. my thoughts are not exposing him for my self gain, i want to make his wife aware of what he is like, to save her from a lifetime of lies and deceit, because if he did it once, he'll do it again.
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female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (16 September 2007):
 I am sorry sweetie, but you got exactly what you asked for. Married men are bad news!!!!! He was using you and had no intentions on leaving his wife to be with you. He wanted you to have an abortion b/c that would have probably ruined his marriage. I hope that you have learned your lesson. Move on with your life, exposing him will only create more drama.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (15 September 2007):
 Well, I can not tell you what I would do, becuase as a man, I do not think I can appreciate being pregnant and aborting it...at least not experience like a woman does.
What I can tell you is that having been in a situation with reverse sexual harassment of being sexual harrassed by a female boss that wanted something, and then gave mixed signals....
Firstly, FIND ANOTHER JOB. That is first and foremost.
Secondly, if you expose him, your reputation will be damaged as well. Also, his reputation might actually rise becuase of the affair. It is a double standard. You might also become liable for a lawsuit. Anything from defamation of character, to emotional distress sued by his wife, to loss of income if he loses his job over an affair that you consented too.
Can you prove the fetus was his? Do you have dna evidence to support this? Do you have pictures, videos or other evidence? Or is it your word against his?
What does he have on you? Most married men I know that have affairs take secret nude pics and videos of their lovers to extort or use against them if situations come up like the one you are thinking about.
-Frank B Kermit
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female
reader, Ears4tears +, writes (15 September 2007):
 Everyboby makes a mistake that they wish they had never done, question is have you learned from it? That married man told you exactly what you wanted to here in order to get what he wanted,he has used you like a game and as soon as the game werent going how HE planned, like a child hes frown it away. Well if you ask me hes done you a big favour.... you deserve better!!! Dont let this man bring you down and dont let him have the satisfaction of watching you crumble. Get up and dust yourself off you only have to work with him dont make it anythink it doesnt have to be,your bigger and beter than that. Find a decent man of your own (they are out there) and forget whats happened just put it down to one of lifes great experiences and move on. There will come a day when his wife will see him for the man he his, but that isnt your choice to make...so let him trip himself coz its only a matter of time. LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE ON huni best of luck xx
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female
reader, misscandy +, writes (15 September 2007):
You never know how and when you fall in love. He is already committed to someone else, it seems like he hasn't tried to take actions to move on from his failing marriage. You should get rid off this guy as he is only using you as an entertainment at work. If you are strong and if you enjoy that work, stay on and ignore him. Don't let him touch you no more, be cold to him and if confronted you,tell him that you have nothing to do with him. He should be the one who is quitting work and not you. Don't seek any revenge, he already seems a wreck.
Next time, never involve yourself with a man who is already involved, it only hurts. People are confused and selfish, they play with your emotions so always stay guarded and only give your love to someone who deserves your love. Good luck and take care.:)
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male
reader, eddie +, writes (15 September 2007):
Why do you want to expose him? Do you want to put him in a bad light so he looks like a creep. Have you considered that it also makes you look like a creepy person too? You're both doing careless, hurtful things. You're no better that he is, The only difference is you don't have to answer to anybody. Maybe his wife....How would you feel if after you exposed him, she approached you and smashed you in the face and told you to stay away from her husband and the father of her children?
There is plenty of blame to go around. Some people would say you're justified to expose him because he's so uncaring. Others would say his wife would be entitled to take a strip off of you because you're a home wrecker. It all depends on where you are in this mess. Unfortunately, you're down playing your part and feeling sorry for yourself. You shouldn't be so angry over your lack of attention. It wasn't yours to have in the first place and you knew it. It's like a car thief complaining that the police took his car away and he really needed it......
Learn from this and stay out of other people's relationships.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): Get a job somewhere else. Move on. Get this rat out of your life completely now. You had the abortion so you must be going through some emotional hormonal times yourself. Go and have a word with your doctor if this is the case. Some men SAY they are unhappy in their marriages, when it is further from the truth. You were a bit on the side and became pregnant, so just walk away. Leave this life of misery behind there are better days ahead.
Take care and keep in touch, if you want.xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): First of all, whether he is unhappy or not in his marriage is ABSOLUTELY none of your BUSINESS and should have NEVER been any of your business. But clearly you have no idea about this cause if you did, you would not be dating a married man.
What would I do?? First of all I would NEVER date a married man. The second a guy tells me he has a girlfriend, I am already not interested. You could expose him if you wanted to. I don't know how that works. I have never put myself in such a despicable and pathetic situation. I mean, sure, go ahead and expose him. You are already acting so pathetic that I think that there are few things that you could do that make you seem or be any worse. So whatever.
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female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (15 September 2007):
 Ouch hunni. I can't say what I would of done definetly in your position as I haven't been in your place and I'm not you. What the guy did was a little harsh, but then what did you expect from a married man? I'm not going to lecture about sleeping with someone who's married but I will say this. He pushed for you to have an abortion probably so his wife wouldn't find out. So that there was no "proof" of his affair so to speak.
I would move on and sort your self out. The revenge option seems like the right thing to do but it would cause you a hell of a lot more pain and hurt especially since you work with this guy. Plus the wife. I know it doesn't seem fair on her to tell her what her husband was up to, but what if she believes him over you if he denies what went on.
It's very hard for me to say what I would do but I would try and get myself as far from him as I could I think. Don't let him play mind games with you at work and try and get "you" over the abortion as it sounds like you didn't really want to do that.
Good Luck hunni!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): Well, sounds like you have been through a pretty tough situation. But for the most part, you have already ( in my opinion) been through the toughest part of it. (aborting the child). I would ask yourself "why" you want to expose him? Obviously he doesnt care about you or he wouldnt STILL be with his wife. He can have all the excuses in the world, BUT actions DO speak louder than words, even though we dont want to admit it sometimes. I would try your best to forget about him. Sorry that you work with him, but if I felt really bad about what had happened i would probaby switch jobs or go wayyyy out of my way to stay away from him at work. Get on with your life. quit wasting your time on someone that is MARRIED to someone else. *just giving my honest opinion* oh, and revenge only wastes your time, and brings more drama into your life , the best revenge is for yourself to be happy.* hard to believe, but true.
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reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (15 September 2007):
im sorry hun but this sounds like a classic case of a married man using a young woman, it wasnt the right time for him to have kids because he most likely isnt ever going to tell his wife and kids he destroyed their famil just to get with a young woman to proove to himself he still can.
go do the right thing and go for single unattached men of the same age, ones who wont use your body but look after you too.
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male
reader, dont_play_nice_ +, writes (15 September 2007):
If he is a married man and still in his marriage, I would speculate that you were just a bit on the side. I'm sorry if this seems harsh - but its common for married men to give a girl the "I'm unhappy with my wife, she doesn't understand me, I'll divorce her soon" blah. I wouldn't expose him because it could backfire and you could be labeled things you wouldn't want to be labeled. I'd stay well away and see from afar whether he splits with his wife or not; which I don't suppose will happen. He is a sleaze for giving you mixed messages, but he can't have his cake and eat it. Tell him to leave you alone so you can make a clean break. Learn from this experience so that next time, you won't be so gullible when a guy spins you a line. I hope this helps and good luck.
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