A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i know this isnt a love question but im hoping for some advice.i have a very clingly friend..we have been mates about 6 months.The issue i have is whenever we go out she always asks to borrow my things whether its a dress or jeans or jewellery...she does always give them back but i dont understand why she has to borrow everything from me. Then she always gets ready at my house and uses our electricity and water and then expects me to straigten her hair and help her choose outfits. She lives out in the sticks and when we go out its in the town centre where i live so it makes sense for her to come over to me. She never warns me she wants a shower and wash her hair so she ends up using MY shampoo and body wash. I know it sounds petty but i have said to her in the past for her to wash at her home but she always has some excuse.Oh and i lend her money to go out as she is always skint which once again she does pay back.You are probably all thinking its my fault for being a mug but i am a genuinally nice person and like to help but i feel she is taking the piss. Also i have trouble saying no and not sounding horrible.Help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): She oviously respects you... or you would have trouble getting things back.
So it's a great sign she's giving things back and also pays you back!
She ALSO admires you, and your sense of fashion and your support.
I would be greatfull to have a friend like that.
Think of it as part of the 'price' to friendship. It could have been reversed roles, who knows?
(I'm sure you would have appreciated some one else to help you out at times too).
She may be a little less wealthy than you at times (even it seems to often)
but she likes your company and makes sure to pay you back etc.
I like the old expression - "that's what friends are for..."
1- Ok, using your bath, beauty products etc. once too many, there's a solution for that: avoid meeting at your place. Meet in town at some club, say you left work late and didn't go home or just say a friend dropped you there.
2- Next time she invites you out (or just mentions going out together etc.), just say: 'are you buying or crying? 'cause I'm a bit broke to go out tonite!'.
If she's the good friend you hope she is, she will return the favour (unless she's genuinely broke) and shout you a few drinks too.
That's when friendship gets real solid and you'll know you have a mate there for you too.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (29 August 2009):
I'm guessing she probably doesn't have too much money? It's good that she does repay you and gives you your clothes back. I think that she probably likes your fashion and that you're good at helping her get ready. I know some nights it's fun to get ready with all the girls together before going out.
I think that instead of taking it as an annoyance, take it as flattery. She obviously likes you as a friend and likes what you have. As long as she's giving things back and repaying, I don't really see the problem? Perhaps if she has some money, ask her along on a shopping trip? That way you two can pick out some clothes, and I'm sure she'd love your input on what she should wear.
As far as the showers, I can see that being a little annoying. I do think that making an issue out of using the water and electricity is a bit petty. But next time she wants to take a shower, just nicely say to her nonchalantly, "Just curious if you're going to get ready over here? If you are, would you mind bringing your own shampoo and body wash? I'm running a bit low." That way I think she'll get the hint and just hide your products somewhere so that she can't still use it. If she doesn't bring it, take her to the nearest store so she can buy some.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 August 2009):
 The good thing is that she is paying you back, so she does respect the friendship from the sounds of things. I would say this girl has made you her role-model - she admires you and therefore she wants to borrow stuff from you to emulate your style. I appreciate it can be tiresome to be on the wrong end of this admiration, but from her perspective she is probably lacking in self confidence. If it really bugs you then perhaps you should arrange to meet her in town (make an excuse) rather than inviting her around. HOwever I would say you should be flattered - she thinks you are great!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009): I'm sure this situation didn't happen all at once, and your new friend just kept pushing for more and more. And maybe the first time you straightened her hair it was fun, but EVERY time not is ridiculous. She sounds like a very demanding friend, so you are going to need to approach this very carefully. One solution might be to just tell her you'll meet her out, instead of at your house. Or maybe choose another friend's house to meet. If this absolutely doesn't work, and you still have trouble saying no, then you can slowly change and take away the things you've done or allowed. For example. You can only take a certain amount of cash with you when you go out. Just enough for only you. You can go to the store and buy really cheap hair/soap products and switch them out when you know she's coming over - whether she intends to shower or not. As far as borrowing clothes, you may want to set aside the clothes that you don't want to lend her - maybe in a box in another room, or under your bed.. Mind you, these are things you can do IF you can't say no. And it's more for your own sanity.
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