A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:just told husband about one night stand i had 10 years before i met him. he seems upset because he also knows this person. what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): I too had a one night stand that I really regret. He is the husband of someone I know. It happened on the same night that I first met my partner (we just chatted and exchanged numbers on that night and started going out a couple of weeks later)He left the pub with his friends and I stayed with mine and ended up walking home with this other guy. I was very drunk and we stupidly had sex. That all happened about 18 months ago and my partner and I are very happy together but I have never told him what happened that night. The big problem is....my partner is going away on a stag weekend on Friday and the other man is going too and I am so scared that they will all get drunk and something will be said. I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell my partner cos it happened before we were properly together and it meant nothing and we're really happy but I don't want him to find out from anyone else.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (4 July 2007):
 I have to ask why you told him now, and not before.
Also, it is someone he knows that he hates, or someone that is still in your social circle?
If I was in that situation, assuming it is someone that I know, I would feel like I have just been played for a fool. With the both of you knowing this "special secret", and me being taken for an idiot by the other man. If this happened to me, I would feel violated in that I could not trust you to be honest with me, and that my repuation has suffered and only found out about it now. Do any of your mutal friends know about this too?
If it just jealousy, it will go away in time. If it is due to feeling violated by him not being able to trust you to tell him things that could protect his rep, then you may have some damage control issues to deal with.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 He's upset because he hates the thought of someone else (especially someone he knows) being so intimate with you. He'll be quiet for a little while but with a lot of love and reassurance he'll come to terms with it. Reassure him you're with HIM now and you have no more skeletons in your closet. Although it happened before you met your husband it still bothered you that he didn't know about it so you're glad to have gotten it off your chest. You could also add in that it was hardly worth it as you can barely remember a thing and you're positive your one night stand was the same.
Eve
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Why did you tell him, if its in the past. the reason he cant get round it so easily, because, he knows the person, and can picture it in his head. Give him some time.. i cant understand what braught it into the conversation...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 I'm with Penta. Why should he worry about something that happened ten years BEFORE you met him?
However, irrational behavior sometimes has very rational motives. Why don't you ask him why he finds that upsetting?
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 You've done nothing wrong. Don't let him think you have. This was a long time before he was in the picture. The fact that he may know the person might make him uncomfortable, but this is his problem.
I'm assuming you have been perfectly faithful. There's no reason for him to treat you any differently. Focus on this. Remind him that it's not like you're going to act differently than before just because he knows something new. You are the same exact person. And you're REALLY not going to run off to your one-nighter after 10 years! That ship more than sailed. Your husband has nothing to worry about.
Give your husband a chance to get over the shock; and he really needs to just get over it. As I said before, you've done nothing wrong.
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