A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my husband is in another contry doing some bussines..in this moment he is traveling with some friends that I met before. I talked with him today and asked about his friends, how they are doing...etc..he told me the hotel right now is very expensive because is high season, and they decided share the room, two of them are gay and they got one room, and I asked him, where is K.... (is the lady)..and he said, we decided share a room too because I told you is very expensive and we are saving some money.Well..what can I say..I trust my hb, I mean I can not imagine if something happened in that trip..I know him if I was in the same situation he was upset about why I am sharing a room with another guy...anyway..I talked with him like always and didn't sounds jealous or something.
View related questions:
jealous, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Texland +, writes (7 June 2020):
I always share a room with another man or two or three on a business trip. Every company I every worked for required that any time I travel with another man that we share a room. Never had any sexual issues. Never in over 40 years. I fact when on vacation 2 neighbors and myself share a one bedroom condo, I left on the sofa and the woman was in the bedroom. The same thing when I went to a national convention stayed at the Embassy Suites, I slept on the sofa and she was in the bedroom. Once in Colorado my brothers and me were skiing without the families and we were in the bar after dinner and this good looking woman would not leave my brother alone and tried everything to get him to go to her room. He told her no, over and over again. If you are married to a man who would cheat then you married the wrong man. A good man will not cheat even when he could.
A
female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Some cheaters try the open approach- The only person whom knows is you - follow your gut feeling, often it is right.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Miamine is pointing out a valid problem with the "affair theory". Now, I would like to point out a different thing: If he is self-employed, and needs to be careful with his money, why the h... didn't he anticipate the cost of the hotel room?
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Problem I have with the "affair theory"... if your a businessman, why tell your wife that your sharing a room with a woman if you are having sex with her.
Isn't it smarter to just lie and have sex... how would the wife find out about it?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Follow your gut feeling - this is bullshit. Dont be so gullible that you think your husband is so different to all the other married people having flings while on business trips.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): To the Original Poster Re: your follow-up, first thank you for this. We all like follow-ups.
But reading your posting, you seem almost explaining why he needed to share this room with this woman, with a hint of protection towards him. Whatever your decision on this, it's yours, it's between you and your husband, but you must appreciate from the outside looking in, you asked the question, and appeared very concerned, as you probably still are. Realistically, no one needs to share a room because of the cost, especially if a married man, or woman, self-employed or not.
If you know you are going to an area that is very, very expensive for hotels then you damn well incorporate that into your expenses for your business, you don't go sharing a room with the opposite sex. If you want to ignore that, excuse him, give him the benefit of the doubt, that is fine, it is your marriage, we are only here to give honest advice as we see reasonable for the situation in question.
I would settle for such an explanation, I wouldn't care how expensive the room was, I would still expect my husband to pay whatever it was and have a room to himself. This is nothing to do with trust, this is to do with NOT putting temptation beyond the normal call of human frailties.
I think may be you need to talk to him about this, NOT excuse yourself for how you feel about this, tell him you don't want him sharing rooms with the opposite sex, then he knows how you feel, and from that, you will eventually find out if he goes against it..
Jilly
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 January 2011):
The gay people are a couple, your husband is self employed, you love and trust your husband.... No problem, now I can understand why he ended up sharing.
Of course you feel uncomfortable... but that explanation works for me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, this the thing...my hb is self employeed, they are over there by their own...I mean is not company with policy or somebody is paying for that, he is from different country that me, and the lady is from the same country than him....they speak the same language too, wich is different that english ad spanish...she has a kind of bussines that he is looking for, we met her the last year and we all became friends, my family and her family too.
They arrived there later and they could't find a cheap hotel, I know that area and is very expensive in this time, the gay guys are a couple that know her long time ago (10 years+), she has a succeful bussines in that country and my hb talked with her before and she is able to help him...
They finished the trip in that city and now my hb is going to another area, I asked about her, and she is leaving today to her city (is very far) to take care about her bussines and they are now apart, the same thing for the gay couple.
I am by myself here, I don't have family here, and completely alone.
I am still feel wierd is just because the situation.
Maybe for him is normal.
When I talked with him and he said they sharing the room , I said WHY??? , and he answered WHY NOT???..The hotel is very expensive and we will divided the bill. That's was all.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): An extremely expensive room...because they are on vacation together. Call his boss and check out his story. There is likely a shred of truth to that but something is definitely not right. I'm sorry, even if it's nothing, because you may never know. I'd get to know her if I were you. you know, size her up. GOod luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): I too would be extremely uncomfortable in this situation. I don't see why the woman is sharing with your husband. Sounds a bit weird to me. But if you trust him, then that's all that matters.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (6 January 2011):
We don't really know what is going on. We do know, however, that this is very unusual. Maybe there are some circumstances where sharing a room with her would be necessary, but I don't think this is the case. Apparently there are no cheaper hotels where he is staying, they didn't call the hotel in advance, and they didn't know how much a room would cost. The company isn't paying, apparently, and, if they are, they want to save the money. Ha!
I would feel very umcomfortable with this, and I would let the person know.
I tend to agree with Jill. Seems like a weak excuse to see how far you can be pushed without complaining.
...............................
A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (6 January 2011):
 I don't like the sound of this - especially if he has been unusually sneaky with his phone and stuff recently.
An idea - if you are a close friend to one of the gay guys, why not ask him if you and he can switch rooms? Yes I'm sure he'd be a little bit uncomfortable going to bed with a gay guy, but it would give you peace of mind and it would not give him the temptation.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): I'm a guy, never been married (hoping someday).
I agree with the first response. Sharing a room with a female co-worker should never be acceptable. If you trust him... that's great, but it's still unacceptable.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 January 2011):
Wouldn't feel comfortable with that.. if two people are gay, then one should share your husbands room, the other should share the ladies room, then there is no chance of romance.
It sounds very strange arrangement for people who are supposed to be at work.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Oh dear, what a situation for you, of course you're not happy with this, sorry, but regardless of money, sharing a room with a female colleague should not be on the list.
Most companies that send their employees away for seminars or conferences, either pay for their employees to have single rooms or pay a certain amount towards accommodation.
I find this highly irregular, and if I were you, I would be asking a lot of questions. Realistically, companies do NOT expect married staff to have to share rooms with single females to keep the cost down. And I note you mention two gay people are sharing, so why not the gay person and this female (K) share a room, and the other guy with your husband.
That way I'm sure you would be less apprehensive, and quite rightly so. Is this a company that has sent your husband, or something he has instigated himself? If the latter, then he should know better than to share a room with a female colleague that may concern you.
This brings a whole new meaning to saving money, sorry, but to me, and I'm NOT cynical, but I would NOT accept my partner sharing a room with a female who was not already a long term clearly platonic friend of many years..this female is not that, so tell him, you don't find this acceptable.
If you don't, he will think you go along with his very weak explanation.
Oh please, keep me updated.
Jilly x
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (5 January 2011):
 What exactly is your question? If you trust him then that's what matters.
...............................
A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen +, writes (5 January 2011):
 I can understand you being uncomfortable in this situation. I am sure that if he was up to something he could easily have lied, but he didn't. If you trust him then he deserves the benefit of the doubt.
...............................
|
