A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:what to do? i'm a christian, but am so confused. married 12 years and he cheated on me and got this young girl pregnant. he wants to stay with me, but how am i supposed to deal with him being involved in another child's life that isn't mine!!? we have 3 kids of our own. i feel like i'm the only one in the world this has happened to. i'd like to hear feedback from anyone that may have gone through this similar situation. divorce is an option, but i know how God feels about divorce, but i don't see how i can live with this constant reminder of this horrible pain he's put me through. HELP!!!
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cheated on me, christian, divorce Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): Well, I know how you feel, it stinks! you will have to decide for yourself what is best for you. Is it worth living in HELL with him trying to work through it or without him by yourself. Because when you think about it. it's HELL EITHER WAY!. I know the pain is unbearable and your mind is full of CRAP! You have to Pray, seek God for the true answers......I know it's tough believe me i know. And it seems the pain will never end. But it will. You have to ask God what's my next step?....... It's not easy. you take care of you keep moving forward.............
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 If he has committed adultery, you can seek a divorce from him and it is allowed in the Bible.
The question now is whether you want to divorce him or to forgive him and accept him back.
No doubt he has committed a grave sin against you and God but he is only human and not perfect. We all make mistakes in life.To err is only human.
If you find it difficult to accept him back, you will have to let him go.
Let things calm down first before you make any hasty decisions which you may regret later.
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A
male
reader, SophysticatedAss +, writes (24 March 2010):
btw.. Christianity isn't a rule governed thing. God is extremely reasonable. If He wants her to forgive him, He'll give her the strength to. I am not saying this to defend anything or anyone. I'm just explaining a lil bit. Not preaching or whatsoever. :) God Bless you.
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A
male
reader, SophysticatedAss +, writes (24 March 2010):
here's the thing. I'm a Christian too (please don't hurt me.. HAHA!! Kidding) God knows your pain. trust in Him and you will pull through. Although God isn't exactly the biggest fan of divorce.. He doesn't condone cheating either. I've heard my elders say that forgive the man once, not the second. However, if the pain is too much.. Forget it. Best thing to do is to ask His guidance. He will guide you through.. Don't lose your faith in Him. God bless.
Ps. F%$* cheaters. Whoever's a cheater and reading this.. Leave. You don't deserve love from another. Ugh.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (24 March 2010):
I feel your pain - I was in a similiar situation however I was not married to the guy. I dated him for 3 years, he cheated and got a younger girl pregnant. It hurts deeply, I entertained the idea of us working and me letting him prove his so called love for me - but at the end of the day, the relationship was never happy to begin with. He is a compulsive liar and hurt me since day 1. The thought of taking him back and having his infidelity in my face 24-7 in the form of his child was just too much and helped me decide I was done with him and no matter if God came to me and told me he would never ever hurt me again, I still wouldnt take him back because the child is proof of his betrayal and the childs mother will be in his life for EVER.. No matter what comes out of the cheaters mouths, dont believe a word.. We were never their Number 1, their everything, the 1 person they cant live without because if we were, they never would have cheated. This is how I came to the conclusion to cut him out of my life - I would rather go through heartache for a few months or however long it takes me to heal then to take him back and be heartbroken for the rest of my life living with his mistakes because if you stay with him, you will always be reminded of his cheating.. Your worth so much more then that.
Take care
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 March 2010):
According to the bible, the only reason a man and woman can divorce is when one or the other commits adultery. You now have that reason. And apart from that, I am sure that no God would a person to live a lie or to live unhappily.
The point is, you don't have to live with this. I respect your beliefs, and understand you may not be happy with divorce. But don't live the rest of your life in misery. This man has betrayed you, and according to the bible, you have the reason to divorce. So do just that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): My boyfriend is a christian too and we also do have a child together, even though it is out of wedlock. I know that if I ever EVER did something like that to him, he would leave me, even though he loves me so much, but it would kill him and couldn't blame him if he did. Your husband made a HUGE mistake, and it isn't fair for you to have to endure that. I think you have two main options, but you do have a third one as well. The obvious one would be to get a divorce. I don't think you should have to endure that at all. And it is in the bible that you may get a divorce if your partner has committed adultery. A second option would be to make him cut this young woman and soon to be baby out of his life. Keep in mind that that would leave the baby with out a father, but at the same time, this woman did have sex with a married woman. I know its not right to leave the baby with out a father, but what do you expect when you sleep with a married man? Your husband would probably have to pay child support though. A third option is that you could stay with him, but you and he would need couples counciling and family therapy for sure. And you yourself would probably need counciling/therapy in order to deal with him being in this child's life. None of these options are easy, but you need to think about yourself too and what you would be able to cope with realistically. I hope that helps your decision. I'm so sorry that your husband had to be so selfish and hurt you and his family like this. But I hope you can move on and that whatever happens your future will be bright.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (20 March 2010):
 ok, this is why I don't understand christianity. You should not have to be 'stuck' in a relationship. See past your beliefs and deal with reality. you could do marrage counceling and see how you could see past this, but it is a big deal. Don't not act because your beleif in a god is restraining you. If there is a god, and if your god loves you, then he'd want to see you happy. wouldn't he?
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female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (20 March 2010):
 You may be a Christian, but your husband is not. You should divorce him and move on. God does not send anyone to hell over a divorce and p.s. it's perfectly legit even in christian circles when adultery has violated the bond. Let him go, it's not worth the stress to compete with this woman or live with his lies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2010): Wow that is horrible, he is horrible how could leave his three children and his you his wife I don't know how I would deal with this but it probably cuz I'm 13 but anyway I wouldn't take him back because how do u know he won't do it again and wat is it so great about that other woman that he had to leave u for I mean ur married and when ur married that means commitment wat does he not understand about that u don't leave someone secretly and think about it if it was the other way around like if u got pregnant by another man he would be furious and u seem kind of pissed off but not to where u want to kill him and I would not take him back that's for sure I would make him apoligize multiple times before I'd even look at him and I'm sure u would never emotionaly try to hurt someone. Also u probably care a lot about ur religion but someones got to break the rules sometimes.
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female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (19 March 2010):
 God is there yes' but in reality he is not the one who will deal with this relationship. This situation is not a joke. You two are married and have 3 children, this is actually a great family. But He'' your husband made a mistake. He didnt even think of GOD' when he did it and so this girl too, she didnt even think of you as a wife of this man and also she and he didnt even think of your 3 children. So where is the God? If im in the situation i can not deal with it too. Id rather do the ' devorce' than dealing with this all my life. Take note its not only for a month its gonna be all the life. So you have to choose, your fear to the God who is not dealing with it in reality or you suffer all your life in reality? its your choice. anyway i wish you good luck. This message maybe wont help you but hopefully you find a better solution and better feeling. I wish you to find your peace and happiness inside of you..
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