A
male
age
30-35,
*much4u
writes:I met this girl and we talked for the day. We exchanged numbers and we have started to text each other frequently, she also enjoys my company and when i call her, but she has a boyfriend. I am trying my best to think of the best way to go through this. Before you answer think of the dilemma I face:1.) I don't want to let a girl leave her bf for me especially since she hasn't indicated that she isn't happy with him. (they seem happy together). Plus if it was me, I wouldn't want some random guy to steal my girlfriend either.2.) I don't want to keep on just communicating with her and waiting for the day she and her boyfriend isn't together. Or since she has a bf already I don't want to find myself drifting into the friend the zone with her.What should I do?
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exchanged numbers, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): I had something similar more than a year ago, I think you should cut contact
if she leaves him would she do that to anyone, including you?
If you try and fail your confidence is knocked!
She might enjoy stringing you along, confidence knocked again, find someone worth your time and remember you deserve that, not someone who challenges you in as many ways as possible, good luck
A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (1 May 2012):
Asking her to leave her bf? That sounds pretty lame and desperate to me really. I wouldn't do that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): Be honest to her that you like her and ask her to consider leaving her bf. Asking is not 'making' her leave. Its her choice. If you asked her to leave him and she did its not your fault since she could just as easily reject you. You are not trying to break up her happy relationship by simply inquiring if she would consider leaving him for you. So get over the guilt of simply asking her to leave her bf. There's nothing wrong with that because she can always say no. It would only be wrong if she refused and you wouldn't accept her decision and kept pressuring her making her uncomfortable so that the only way for her to escape is to do what you want, now THAT would be 'making' her leave him which is wrong.
It makes sense to ask for what you want and then let the cards fall where they may. If you never ask when you want something specific how is anything supposed to happen? By pure chance? By just dithering around?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): You dont want to make her leave her boyfriend. People around you won't approve of that, and sooner or later it will backfire, because she could leave you for someone else.
Just speakin' from experience.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Well she is happy with her boyfriend - so she's not going to leave him for you. So what does she want from you? She wants you to be a friend. Nothing more.
But you dont want to be a friend to her right? So what should you do? Move on and forget all about her. If you are not willing to be friends then you have to delete her number and dont speak to her anymore. Simple as that.
Move on and find a single girl - dont waste your time with girls who are already in relationships.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Ok...you don't want to break up their relationship and you don't want to be relegated to the friends zone...
If I put that into my 'wishful thinking' calculator that comes out as 'I wish she didn't have a boyfriend and I wish she'd fall madly in love with me so I can date her'
Hmmmm...you can wish all you like, and hanging around her and speaking with her is most definitely going to put you in the friends zone.
My best advice would be to cut the contact and make new friends. It's never a good idea to get involved with people in established relationships (if you happen to fancy them)...in fact it's a big old bunch of misery waiting to come down on your head.
Avoid avoid avoid...if she turns up single in the future, then you can decide to pursue her then, but don't waste your life waiting for someone who isn't available.
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