A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:when i was 20 i decided to drop out of the community college i was attending. i was just wasting money because i had no idea what i wanted to major in. at the time, i always felt jealous of my friends who were away getting the "real" college experience, and i was getting nothing out of mine.i married at 21, had a kid at 23, and now am 30 and pregnant with our fourth child. my husband is older than i am, and he went to college and got to live out all those crazy times that i feel like i missed out on.i feel a disconnect in my life, because i didn't get to experience going away to college, living in the dorms, all of that. i don't have the life long friendships, or the silly sorority girl stories.did i sorely miss out? how do i move on from feeling like my life could have been more well rounded, had i chosen to go to a university? i feel a bitterness towards my husband because he got to experience these things, and never encouraged me to do so.feeling silly in the midwest.
View related questions:
jealous, money, move on, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 "i feel a disconnect in my life, because i didn't get to experience going away to college, living in the dorms, all of that. i don't have the life long friendships, or the silly sorority girl stories."
Hardly. You feel disconnected in your life. And you are looking for reasons for why this may be so, and your so far best reason is that you didn't attend college. Look, tons of people don't attend college, and don't have those experiences. Everyone else in the world who doesn't live in the richer parts of USA, to be precise. And we don't all feel disconnected with our lives. The disconnection steams from inside of your very self, and NOT from missing out on any experiences. You didn't miss out. You had a DIFFERENT experience than your peers, that's all. They missed out on what you experienced, but that didn't make them loose connection to their lives.
You're looking for a reason for why you feel the way you do, but you need to look deeper into yourself than just looking at what others have experiences that you haven't. Experiences in life don't make us connected to ourselves or disconnected with ourselves. It's our relationship to ourselves that matters in this, not this or that experience. One would in fact think that having children would make you VERY connected with yourself, but you aren't.
You are miserable, and you're looking for excuses and reasons, something to put the blame on. Instead I suggest you take this feeling of yours seriously and seek out therapy, or at least dig deeper within yourself to find out what really bothers you. Because I promise you, it isn't college that stands in the way of you having a well rounded and happy life.
I'm suspecting a growing depression, perhaps too much responsibilities at home with the children, too much work on your hands, or not enough time to have a career or a hobby. You're overwhelmed by your surroundings, and you're not happy with them. But the answer lies not in what you did or didn't do in the past. The answer lies in what you are currently doing with your life and why you feel your life isn't well-balances and good.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 Think about what you would have missed out on if you did go to college. You probably wouldnt have met your husband, and you wouldnt be the mom to 3 (soon to be 4) lovely children.
We all have these 'what if' thoughts in life. I often wonder what my life would have been had I moved back home after university rather than chasing a career in a large city. I would be back with my friends and family, yes I wouldnt have a great job but I would be close to all the people I love. Whereas now, I've got a great job earning good money but I'm hours from my friends and family and I dont get to have the social life I would like.
It is swings and roundabouts really - what you miss out on you make up for elsewhere. I dont let myself wonder about what could have been often, because I am grateful for what I have, I'm happy and that is enough for me. There are millions of people out there in the world who are suffering, starving, ill....we have nothing to complain about really. We are pretty lucky in the grand scheme of things, so we have to make the most of what we have and stop wishing our lives could be different - because what we have right now is pretty damn good. So just learn to be grateful for what you have, happy that you have brought 4 lives into the world and have a happy marriage.
College (or University as we call it here in the UK) is not all its cracked up to be! Yes you get to go out partying a lot, but what do you achieve from that? A damaged liver and some hazy drunken memories? A few one night stands you would rather forget? To the outsider it seems far more fun that it actually is - college is a lot of work, with no money so you cant actually go out partying that much anyway. I have lost touch with all of my Uni friends, we all spread out all over the country after Uni so we havent really kept in touch. The people I have my lifelong friendships with are actually the people that I knew from my childhood, from the age of 4!
You havent missed out at all - you have just chosen a different path that has led to great things (your children). Many people that go to college end up in difficult, demanding jobs - they work long hours and dont have the time to build relationships, the women become career women and then hit 30 and realise they have no boyfriend and hardly any time to get married and have kids etc. Many of them will now be jealous of you, with your lovely family life when they spent all of their time working and having fun rather than building the family that they so desperately want.
It isnt your husband's fault that you dropped out of college - you didnt know what you wanted to major in so you made the choice to leave. It seems you obviously wanted to settle down because you got married young and had your children, so it seems that family was what you wanted to do with your life. And that's great - but dont blame your husband for it. It was your choice so you have to live with it I'm afraid.
Learn to appreciate what you have in life, be happy that you have been so fortunate. Many women will be jealous of your life, so while you might wish you had more fun when you were younger, you still have a lot to be thankful for now so you havent missed out. I think you would feel you had missed out more if you got to 30, had been to college and basically partied and worked your way through life until you hit 30 and realised you dont have a husband, kids etc and that is what you really wanted in life.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
|
