A
male
age
36-40,
*mcn24
writes:This girl I have been talking to for over a year now, can be really great at times but she also can be very pessimistic and complain a lot. She's been through a lot in life so I always try to stay sympathetic, but it seems like there is something else wrong with her every day. Every day there is something else wrong and now it's really starting to wear on me. I've tried talking to her about it and she says she understands but then that usually ends up in another convo about all that's going on in her life. I now work full time and have a lot going on at home and don't feel like having to deal with her issues too all the time. I've tried breaking up with her twice before but each time she stated crying and talking about how I'm just like every other guy and how she was going to kill herself. I've tried talking to her for mental help but she won't do it. Needless to say, I always felt bad and stayed with her. Now, I feel like I'm still with her just so I won't hurt her but I'm tired of it because I know I can't live this way. I want to break her off for a third and final time but I don't know how to go about it anymore. I tried going about it the right way by telling her how I felt and what was going on, now I'm just like I don't feel like going about it the right way didn't help so im lost. I don't want to just suddenly cut off contact with her but I feel like if I continue down this path then that may be the only option. We are not married, have no kids and have just been dating. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 April 2012):
 People who threaten suicide when you say you want to break up with them are, quite frankly, a pain in the arse.
It's not only cruel to make these kinds of threats, it downright emotional blackmail and you have every right to want to get away.
If she really is suicidal, it isn't down to you to stop her, she needs professional help.
You say you don't want to cut contact but I am sorry to say, that is your only solution. People like this can have a hold over you for years and they seriously have no right to do that.
I would write her a letter stating that you feel things have gone too far, that you do not love her and absolutely cannot remain in a relationship with her. Explain that you feel she needs appropriate medical help and that she should seek counselling and support through her doctor. Tell her she is not to contact you again as this would constitute harrassment and that you wish to carry on with your life in peace.
Any sympathy you show her will only allow her to get her hooks into you further. She needs to address her problems herself and seek appropriate help and advice from a trained and objective healthcare professional and also the support of her family.
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