A
female
age
36-40,
*arkeyedgirl
writes:My boyfriend kissed another woman, a co-worker. I never even got mad, I never yelled. I just asked him if he wanted to be with me anymore and he just said he didn't know. I cried for a week solid. He changed his story and said of course he wanted to be with me, and held me every time I cried. But the two next nights after telling me he went out partying, and had been partying for the Olympics for the entire week before hand with his co workers in the events. One party was a birthday. Only a week after all that went down was MY birthday, and he didn't do a single thing. No dinner, no presents, no flowers, nothing. He was working really hard for the Olympics and was really tired so I let it go.But he went away to work in Whistler for three weeks and I cried really hard the night before he left. It was a spur of the moment transfer and when he came home to tell me I was making his favorite dinner and ice cream. He went away to pack and afterwords went out to the pub with more co-workers. And so I cried when he got home. I felt pretty unloved. I told him I felt like he was drifting away and I was afraid to lose him and he got really frustrated that I was so insecure.After that he wouldn't call or text me because he was angry that I'd make so much drama.Someone told me he had talked about someone he was cheating on me with, and I thought it might be the same girl who he was working with. When he wouldn't talk to me or return my texts I broke down and wrote him a pretty angry letter. I shouldn't have just assumed his guilt, but his behavior made me believe it.After this he dumped me. He said I was so dramatic that it could obviously never work.I have felt incredibly guilty for being so dramatic and for a long time believed he was right. But a lot of my girlfriends told me that if he had treated them that way they would have dumped him long before he dumped me.My question is, after doing all that forgiving and understanding and never getting mad, should I have forgiven him? How much should you forgive before giving up on someone you deeply, deeply love?
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female
reader, darkeyedgirl +, writes (1 July 2010):
darkeyedgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who replied to my question.
I kicked myself for so long for crying when he hurt me and for "pushing him away." This was my first relationship, and I blamed myself for ruining it. He told me that he did want to be with me and I should have just listened, but there is no way someone who loves you should treat you like this.
Thanks again to everyone. You've really helped me to advance in the healing process, I feel so much better knowing that I wasn't just being "dramatic" and that I deserve better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): You can forgive, but you don't have to stay in a relationship with a person who continues to hurt you. It may be hard for you to totally cut him out of your life because, you may love in...or be in love with him. Your bf kissing one of his co-workers dishonest and he showed a lack of loyalty to you and the relationship.
One of the hardest things to do in this life is walk away from someone you truly love....that is never, ever easy and it takes alot of courage and strength. I applaud anyone who has taken this brave and hurtful step......just thinking about it makes me cry b/c I believe the day will come when I must take that step AGAIN after falling for someone I thought had my best interest at heart. I totally understand your pain and unless someone has been in love or loved someone to the point of no return then they may never understand how it truly feels.
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A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 What he called "drama" and you are also now calling "drama" is anything but. Each moment when I saw that word appear in your post, I thought to myself: "please insert the word "caring" here instead. Try it. He couldn't deal with your care, not your drama. You're clearly capable of loving in a way that either he is not, or that he did not have for you. You are young :) You will find someone else - there was no reason to feel anything other than hurt; the only forgiving you have to do with this person is forgiving them for not being caring. It might not even be worth it. Protect yourself, you're worth it - Kama
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 June 2010):
Yep, I agree with your girlfriends. He's done a brilliant job of turning all this back on you. He cheated, didn't do a thing to fix it, left you to be alone and unhappy on your birthday, claimed you were making drama, went out with co workers. The list is endless. He did nothing to even warrant being forgiven. He didn't do a thing. In fact, I'm actually more sure that he wanted to end it with you and drove you away. Forgiveness is something that takes a lot of time. He didn't deserve it. Move on from him.
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