A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:What do you think, how much are we responsible about the bad things in our life? I feel ,I tried my best regarding to raising kids,and marriage, and my health. But in almost every of those areas, I had tragic outcome. Including death of a child from drugs. Also there are incredible unusual rare health problems. I would say, my marriage is also on the rock , cause of all the challenges we faced together. Yet they were not in our control. I would say 80% of what happened , did not come from making bad choices, or something like that. So all the hard work , invested love and effort can't help, when fate is stronger than you. Yet people try to find something to blame, as nobody can believe a mess like that without making big mistakes.So I wonder, if someone else feels ,like not getting a good deal from''life'' or God, what ever you want to call it? Feeling sort of unlucky. Thanks
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 April 2012):
Sometimes good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. I believe in making the best out of your predicament. You can't help the circumstances thrown at you, but you can help how you react to them. Sounds to me like you tried the best you could with what you had. That's all you can do. People looking for someone or something to blame simply can't accept they don't control everything. I would advise you to avoid people like that and surround yourself with those who do understand.
My grandmother was a concentration camp survivor and one of the kindest people I know. Her dad was beaten to death in the concentration camp. Her first husband died of a heartattack at age 36. Her son became a severe alcoholic despite her best efforts, her daughter got progressive MS. When she remarried with a wonderful man, he too died of a heart attack just 4 years into marriage. There are more things like that in her life that make me think how in the world she could have gotten such a bad stroke of luck. It really got her down at one point, so she packed her bags and moved away to a different country, which always had been a dream of hers. There she met a new man and to this day they live together and have a content life.
Maybe you and your husband can do something similar. If you can, move away, or go on a holiday together to a very different place to give you two a breather from all that's happened. Events cling to a place, and when you've been through a lot, those memories can end up clubbing you on a daily basis. If you don't have a break from that, it can really wear you down. That's what happened to my grandmother and that's why she ended up moving away. She wanted to start anew, with a clean slate. This could rekindle the marriage for the both of you. If you can't move away, make a point of trying new activities in your life. Do things you never did before, even if at first they seem silly or trivial. If you find yourself having fun, you're on the right path.
Anyway, I'm not in a position to tell you what to do with your life, but these are just the things I thought of. I hope it may help you in some way. Best of luck, if one deserves it it is you.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 April 2012):
 Maybe God is prompting you to develop a relationship with him. Perhaps he's trying to get your attention?.....It couldn't hurt to pray for his help and stand back and watch things get better. The Bible talks about the curses our children carry when we have dishonored God. Maybe the curse coudl stop with you if this is true. What do you have to lose?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012):
I don't know how much we can say we are responsible for our circumstances. I mean to be extreme you can say what if you had married someone else instead? What would your children look like today? In the end there's always something we could have done different but whether you could have known to do that you cant say because you don't have a crystal ball.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2012): Listen to this song... music is my therapy! Life has an end, that will come soon, just think about little things that make you happy, have a walk, eat a chocolate, have an honest talk with your partner, come out clean, smile, exercise( its an incredible anti-depressant) listen to music! Hugs!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHw3UK2o97g
...............................
A
female
reader, Mysterium +, writes (24 April 2012):
Hi,
I know these are testing times for you. But I feel you should start looking at the best of a bad situation. Easier said than done, I agree.
I wouldn't blame fate for anything. We are responsible for our own actions. Its, as you said, easier to blame something or someone else rather than look inside yourself and identify where you went wrong.
There will be mistakes you make, but its only so that you don't make them again. You have to learn from them. But I really don't think you are responsible for your son's choices. Everyone eventually makes their own choices and the best you can do is tell them what is right or wrong, it is their decision to heed your suggestion or not.
You are not alone, when you make bad choices. The entire world is right there with you. There are people who have made worse choices and still try to make things better.
What has happened is now in the past. You could keep feeling unlucky about not getting a good deal from life or you could yet, get the best one in future.
I understand, its easier said than done. But at a critical moment like this, I urge you to be your practical most. No one can help you like you can help yourself. Shake yourself out of this mode. And its never too late. Its really not.
Good luck and Feel Better :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Wisdom +, writes (24 April 2012):
 Iknow the feeling, a few years ago my entire life fell apart due to circumstances that were out of my control. I came to learn a few things .We are all given challenges that we must face, It seems to me that you are incredible a very strong woman to loose a child and to face all the other things. What I am going to write may sound harsh but it is not inteded to hurt or offend.
Life is hard, whoever told us it is easy was a liar.
1) You do not need a man to "rescue you" Cinderella, snow white, etc were weak. You can rescue yourself.
2) Drugs are awful and when someones dies from it there is no one to blame but that person and their choices.
3)Don't look at the bad things that have happend, focus on the positives. You still are married, you are still here, you still have your whole future.
4) You are strong and can handle this.
5) Everything passes with time.
6) You can change your fate.
You have been beaten down and feel a bit low at hte moment. Take a big deep breath, stand up and count 5 good things in your life. Foucus on making those things even better. Don't listen to anyone and their stupid negativity.
All your hard work will pay off. Keep strong, focus on you and what makes you happy.... even if at the moment that is the hardest thing to focus on.... What makes me happy?
Each day take 20 minutes for yourself and do something silly and fun.
Invite the positive back into your life and get rid of anyone or anything that is trying to make your life harder or negative.
Hang in there It will get better
Best of luck
Wisdom
...............................
A
male
reader, MikeEa1 +, writes (24 April 2012):
 people tend to blame you when they hear about your problems. especially if its your children who are the problem. it makes it hard for them to understand when they're doing that. I have a diificult daughter and everyone seems to think its an easy problem to sort out. it isn't. for a lot of reasons the responses from the child are not normal. one of the factors is genetics. gentics do play a part in health problems including mental health problems. my advise to you is to find some new friends and try to move forward with your life so thats things are happier for you. maybe your husband can join you in your quest for a new life.
...............................
|
