Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): Personally choice. When I was in my 20's I dated for over a year before we talked about living together and then it was a year after that before we got married.
Now, in my mid-forties, I have a very different view point... I've been through it all, know where I've been and know what I want at this stage of my life... I'm no longer playing the 20-30's games. I started dating a guy in April and we got engaged in November. We aren't actually getting married for a while, but we both just put all our cards on the table and found it all to be right. You just never know .....
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male
reader, Honest Answer  +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Me and the first wife dated about 10 days before we married, and it lasted about 10 years. So I guess it just depends on the people involved.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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female
reader, bernergirl +, writes (31 December 2010):
 Every relationship is different but I think anything after 9 months and before 4 years is a good period. I've known a few success stories that are the exception to that rule but they are rare. Good Luck! Keep us updated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): It depends what happens in the relationship. Also if you love the thought of being married more than you love the one youre with, then thats when you put a time on it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): Actually I think you should have asked a 3 part question:
1. How long before you start living together
2. How long before you get married
3. How long before you have kids
Any answers?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): 3-4 years
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): it really depends on you and your partner. My husband and I dated for 8 years before we got married, we've now been married 10 years, and we're about to get divorced!
Another friend of mine dated his wife for 9 years before they got married and now they're also likely to get divorced (if they stay married it's only because they "have" to because of the kids, they really can't stand each other and have been that way since BEFORE they got married, and there's been infidelity on both sides both before and during the marriage.)
My husband's parents dated for 2 months and got married and now are still going strong after 45 years.
my parents dated for 6 months and are also still married now.
I think it just depends on you and your partner. And of course on the 'baggage' you two bring from previous relationships.
Also length of dating before marriage doesn't equate to quality of the relationship or commitment to the relationship as in the case of me and also my friend, and countless other people I know but don't have time to mention.
Many people stay in relationships for years because they're too afraid to break up even though the relationship isn't a good one. Then they get married for external reasons (got pregnant, or social pressure or one partner wants marriage and gives an ultimatum)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): i would say if you're going to spend life together then there is no worry of it ending so give it time. I would personally want to have waited about 5 years
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 December 2010):
 My uncle always tells me not to get married till I'm 60 with my mother's approval.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Another important point: not only do you need to know the other person well, you also need to know yourself 100%! That is why young people are not adviced to marry because they often do not know themselves very well, or know what they want in life.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 December 2010):
The appropriate amount of time until you feel you know the person well enough, and that you know you can be happy with this person in marriage. In general I'd say no shorter than 2 years, but this depends on the couple. After 2 years you might find that although you can imagine life with this person the time isn't right for marriage, and thus wait longer before marriage. But in general, after 2 years I think you have a fair enough idea of who you are dating and whether you can see a future with them or not.
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Long courtships when people are young is most advisable but when we get a bit older, especially after a divorce then the rate of second marriages is doubled in figures. But the rate of divorce for second time round is a third in comparison with first time round marriage. In reality, marriage is a good idea if two people know each other very well, can live with each other and tolerate each others little quirks and are singing from the same hymn sheet. Same goals to head for in life etc. It depends on how long it takes you to get to know someone well enough to be able to see a long future together. In reality today, too many fools rush in.
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 I have seen it people get married after six years of dating or six months, both are happily married. i think that it all depends on the quality of time the two people spend together and how much they feel that they truely know each other. You can spend 5 years with someone and not really know anything deep about them but in a year of deep meaningful conversations and experiences you can know.
I would definitely say that a year would be a min for me and a max would depend on the financial situation but definitely even be three years you should know wether you want to marry them or not even if it is unable to happen at that moment.
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