A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well it seems every relationship i have ends up a distaster! Been with my bf for 4 months so not that long really but we get along great and we also work together in the same company so share mutual friends.Recently hes been distant with me and last week i cut to the chase and told him it was making me upset and if he wanted to end things id rather he just said it. He replied with hes sorry etc... and he does realise hes been distancing himself and should be speaking to me but hes no idea what hes thinking so he cant possibly tell me about it. After further back and forth communication he then went on to say hes not sure if its to do with 'us' or if its something else, he just doesnt know.He seems really mixed up and im left wondering if it really is me or there is something else in his life causing him to be upset. I tried to suggest meeting up but thats a no go as he doesnt know what hes thinking so its pointless. I left it last fri saying ill leave him alone. How long do i leave it before i contact him again or do i just point blank not contact him... i feel like im being dangled on a string Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AkiJ  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Hey!
Even my bf of 10 months had been recently acting distant to me and I know how much that can upset you!
Now sometimes, guys need a break! Since you two are working in the same company, you two must be seeing each other a lot! And I know how hurt you feel when you are the only putting efforts!
So take a breath and step back!
Leave him a note, a mail. In that, tell him all about how you feel. BUT TRY TO BE AS POLITE AS POSSIBLE. Don't accuse him, because if its something else that is bothering him, he will probably go mad if he reads your accusations too!
So, first, in that note, tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you! tell him about how awesome he 'IS',talk about the times he has made you happy! This will definitely make him feel he is loved and appreciatied. And attach a picture of you both two, smiling! :)
And then, slowly start writing about what you are feeling! (don't write 'you did this and i feel hurt', instead write ' I got hurt because this happend'
And then, finally tell him that you want to give him some space. And don't forget to tell him that whenever he needs you, you will just be a call away! :)
Just give some time dear, an take a step back. Don't call him. Let him take the first step! Don't make plans to meet, let him to do so! I hope everything goes well :)
Love and wishes! 3
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (15 May 2011):
 He seems uncomfortable coming forth with the real reason he's distancing himself from you. Either he is deliberately doing it in the hope that the relationship will wither or he's got another issue he just can't trust himself to raise with you. He's an adult, so should be able to raise an issue with you. Yet clearly he cannot.
It seems a rather lame limp way to end the relationship if that is what he is trying to do.
There is even the remote possibility that he is currently developing a new relationship elsewhere.
So step back for up to a month. If during that time he does not give you a better explanation, such as a pressing personal or heath issue, or the fact that he's applied for a job elsewhere, or is about to be transferred in his job but can't tell anyone yet, then at the end of the month you can be more certain this relationship is over.
Still be cordial and pleasant to him as you never know where he or you may rise to, in the work place.
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A
female
reader, Christinaa +, writes (15 May 2011):
 Wow this sounds a lot like my cousins relationship. He tell me that his gf is just to clingy sometimes. He likes to be able to have an open relationship where he has his own life and vise versa. So my only advice is to back off a little bit and let him come to you. best of luck!
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A
female
reader, IAMDONE +, writes (15 May 2011):
I believe you did the right thing by allowing your BF to be alone to get himself together. Males certainly have a different way of handling problems and it is many times difficult for them to talk about the problems because they are always trying to fix their own problems.You not having any contact with him allows him the opportunity to be alone so he can think and find out what the problems and issues are. I would wait to hear from him. The ball is in his court and when he is ready he will call you and if you were the problem he will not call. Do not call and text. Give him some space and let him make the next move.Good Luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): My boyfriend of a month started distancing himself, (he did not admit to distancing himself until later though. when I pointed it out, he shrugged and made me feel like I was making stuff up in my mind) a week later, he dumped me out of nowhere over text, he still hasn't figured out what was bothering him so much, at least he still hasn't told anyone who would tell me.My advice? Be straightforward, trust your stellar instincts and concentrate on the 5 whys. Just keep asking why. Odds are he knows more than he's letting on. It's good that you're not clinging, but I'd rather not see that string you're dangling on be cut. Communication works better than anything else.Sorry to be such a pessimist, but sometimes, it's necessary.
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A
female
reader, Star xxx +, writes (15 May 2011):
 Maybe this man is scared of commitment and just needs some time to work things out in his head. Its difficult to say how much time to give him because by forcing the issue you could push him away but at the same time you cant put your life on hold.You can only set yourself a time in your head and if he has not been in touch by then it's obviously not meant to be. Send him a letter maybe letting him know that you are there for him and I think thats all you can do really.Good luck xx
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (15 May 2011):
 Perhaps things are progressing too quickly for his comfort. Men seldom come right out and say what is bothering them. They typically withdraw or become disinterested - especially if they feel someone is muscling in on their time. You were not clear on the particulars of how much time you spend together. This is not to say that it is exclusively brought about by you - as it takes two to tango. He probably didn't guard his heart and now he is having second thoughts. Or maybe he just needs things to be in a lower gear. Either way he was reckless with his emotions and in the process was reckless with your sentiments. Chances are if he is avoiding your contacts, he is no longer interested. Don't expect him to be forthright about it because in 2011 manners and consideration are an antiquated commodity (sorry for the cultural jab there but such has been my observations). Also remember you are only dangled on that string as long as you allow yourself to be emotionally.
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A
female
reader, auntyR +, writes (15 May 2011):
I had a similar situation with my boyfriend when we first started dating. He had not long been out of a relationship where a girl cheated on him. Everything was fine, but then he started to become distant with me and said he just wanted some space for a bit. So i gave him a few days to think about whatever it was that was bothering him and then sent a text to see how he was. Since then he has been fine and has gotten over whatever the problem was. So i think you just have to give him a couple of days, show him you can give him space if he needs it and don't smother him by constantly asking him what;s wrong. I know it is frustrating and you don't no where you stand but just give him a few days. If it drags on just be blunt with him and say look i really like you, but if you are just stringing me along i'd rather no. He needs to make up his mind about what he wants as stringing you along is not fair. But give him a few days to see.
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