A
female
age
36-40,
*wofaces123
writes:Here is my problem. I'm a 21 year old virgin. The fact i've remained so is a mystery even to me. Mostly it's because I never let guys get beyond the first few dates, I go out and lose interest. But my biggest problem is that all my friends and even my family probably think i'm quite loose in my affections. If you asked any of them they'd tell you there was no way I was a virgin. But now i've met a guy i'm seriously attracted to, and I don't know how to tell him i'm 21 and have never had sex. And I can't go to any of my family or friends because they wouldn't believe me. I don't want to just do it with him and hope he doesn't notice, and i'm not positive that i'm not wanting it because i'm so far behind everyone else relationship wise. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): Hey! I'm 20 years old and a virgin myself and I know how you're feeling. I think you both should sit down and talk about it if it's really bothering you. And, if its' not then tell him whenever you have time or whenever that first time comes up. If he really cares about you, then he shouldn't be bothered about you being a virgin. In fact, he should be pleased to know you are because it shows you have great patience...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Hi there! This thread actually makes me feel so much better, I'm actually 22 and still a virgin. I didn't really care until a while ago but now i'm living on my own and my roommate (girl) is all about casual sex. I think she's assumed i've done it already because i'm 22 and because well I'm really good with the boys, i just have never found that person with whom i can feel comfortable enough to do it, and one night stands are def not an option. Please do not try to rush it, i mean whatever people say, the first time is the first time, and as i've heard from all my girlfriend you really need to do it with someone who respects you. If you really like him and he's really a gentleman, he won't think you're weird and it will be a really nice experience.
I'm still sorting out things myself because i really don't want to be a "Tease" but i don't want have sex with just anyone just because everyone else does it. So i feel much better after reading these comments and i won't try to rush things either.
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female
reader, ethealda +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Hi im 22 but lost my virginaty at 20. I understand tilling your guy is hard but i found out from all my guy friends that they thought it was hot.Tell your sweet heart he my love it that you are i know my guy at the time loved it. He event cald me his baby angel becouse of it.If he loves you back he will be perfictly fine. Just sit him down for a good in home meal and a good scarry movie. when you get scared into his arms and the movies endid look at him lovingly and tell him you want to tell him somthing verry personal. He will probably hug you and say ok and listen if he's a smart guy. Then just tell him and ask what he thinks. It will all work out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): I myself am a 21 year old virgin. I'm not embarrassed by that either. In my opinion, people rush adulthood too fast, jump into things like sex, and can't handle the consequences be it good or bad. I'm in no rush because I want my first time to be with someone I love and feel comfortable around. I'm not planning on waiting until marriage either, but just for the person I feel is the right one. I'm sure this guy will want to respect any dicision you make if he feels the same about you. If not, he's totally not worthy anyway. Just go with your gut instinct and tell him. Most of the guys I have dated are very supportive...and the ones that weren't, are obviously gone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008): I'm actually a 20 year old virgin and I too really don't know why I'm still one. Unlike some of you my family totally believes me due to the fact that I express my feelings toward often. I've had several boyfriends and while I know men want to have sex they never seemed to pressure me about it and never really seemed to be a topic. Well I'm not trying to be a virgin until I'm married, I guess I haven't did it because my fear of diseases and being hurt. So just be yourself and take it one step at a time and if the time its right you'll know it at least that's what everybody seems to tell me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): woow me too im 21 and a virgin, i thought i was the only one!!! haha good to know there are others, trust me you have the secret key to the treasure, a treasure that most guys want but dont get, being a virgini until u find the right guy is awesome!! better safe than sorry right!! hang on to it till you find your soulmate:) if there is such a thing you wont regret it share your happiness with someone you feel is worth it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): im 21 year old virgin too and tonight i was ready to hit rock bottom. everyone in my group of friends and my cousins in my family either have done it or have girlfriends and i felt completely left out. this website truly opened my eyes. AGE DOES NOT MATTER. each person's life story is different and there is no criteria you need to compare urself to. your life is ur life, unique and different like everybody else's. when something feels right act on it if it doesn't then you wait. always do what's best for u
thank you again everyone
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): I'm another 21-year-old virgin. There are quite a lot of us after all... ;)
I was a really late bloomer and of course, I sometimes wondered whether I'm quite normal... But I always thought, there never was someone I would have wanted to do it with, andyway, so I'll just keep waiting (anxiously, I admit) and hoping. Hoping, that when 'the one' finally does turn up, it's going to be all the more special.
Last summer, though, I fell in love, for the first time (obviously), and all of a sudden, I felt different. I hadn't even been kissed until then. That summer, I went totally crazy, became a completely different person, just to win the heart of that guy. And it felt great. I suddenly found I am a lot less timid and a lot more sexy then I ever thought I could be. It was the greatest time of my life, it really was. But he didn't want me. He liked me a lot, but the one he truly wanted was one of my best friends. And she is every man's wet dream, unbelievably sexy, self-confident and very experienced. AND a great person, can you believe it. The world is just not fair.
Anyway, that summer changed me. Since then, I feel different, act different and all of a sudden, men started noticing me. It's very strange. The right guy wasn't among them, no one even came close and I still think of last summer very often... But now I no longer think anything's wrong with me. I'm just waiting to get lucky, to get the next big chance. I'm not in a hurry anymore.
Why am I telling you all this? I guess just to show you that you're not alone. :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): Im a 21 year lod virgin too. i'm proud to still be one. Guys respect me so much. the last relationship i was in, lasted for 1 year. my boyfriend and I kissed and touched a bit before but he knew that i did want to take it that far until i got married. I still worry about guys reactions when they find out that i'm still a virgin like will they still talk to me after they find out, do they think that i'll be slowing them down? im just looking for someone who is willing to wait for to have sex with me for the first time until marriage. what im holding here is more than a pot of gold.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Im 21 also and i am datin this chic and we have been goin out for over 2 years! When we started dating she told me that she was a virgin and that REALLY turned me on cuz its awsome knowing that a girl feels comfotable enough to have sex with u even though she has never had it before. Its abig turn off knowing that the chic u just slept with had already slept with like 20 other guys. so tell ur man that ur not a virgin and im sure he will be pleased.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): I'm in the same situation and I've been thinking for some time that's something wrong with me. It's so good to know that I'm not the only virgin in the world:) I started worrying two years ago and I'm really scared...thinking of myself as some kind of a nun or a cold and emotionally detached. But now...I feel it's normal, because it's hard to find a real love (if it exists at all), so a lot of people have the same problem. I want to thank you all, because if you don't have any experience at 21, you may feel as a complete outsider and you need some backup. I haven't told anything to my friends and I felt lost. At 21 I've started to worry that my life'll never change...I spend days in the buses, in the classrooms, reading, listening to the music and watching TV. Not bad, but it's so bleak. Will my life ever change? It's not only about being virgin, but about boredom and wasting the time.
Kate, Krakow/ Poland
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): I an a virgin at 21 too. I find it furstrating sometimes, especialy when i get horny. But I don't want to rush it. You can only lose it once. It should be with someone u really care about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007): You have to understand things better. It is not a big issue, whether you are a virgin or not at the age of 21. You seem to think you do not fit into society because of your virginity. But this is absurd. Just because someone else does something does not mean you have to do the same thing. What is important is the way you see things, feel emotions, be one among many on this earth, flower as a human being and live your life. Even though you are attracted to this man, you should wait a bit. This attraction may just be a passing phase, and so you may not think about a long-term relationship. Tell me, for how long do you know him? And how much do you know about him? Take time, get to know him better. Trust me, the single most important factor in a sound long-term relationship is the mental match. If you are still hanging around with your crush happily even after 5-6 years, you can rest assured that you are made for each other.On the contrary, if you just want to experience sex with him, go ahead and have it, but conform to basic safety measures. It'll be a bit fast and impulsive, but it'll suit you, if that's what you want. You can drop him hints, and wait for him to make the move. Or you can makr the move yourself. A third option is to ask him directly, if you are comfortable with that. Remember, it just takes a single afternoon, or evening or night to lose your virginity. It takes quite a few years to get truly committed to someone.Have a nice day and enjoy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): If this guy respects you and cares for you he's not going to care too much about that fact that you a virgin - he will probably respect you more for it!! I was nearly 20 when I lost my virginity to my boyf and even at that we were goin out over 6 months at that stage!! The more you stress and worry about it, its gonna seem much bigger and worse to you!!! At least you made the first step of saying you wanted to take things slowly... Just relax and see how things go from there!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): dont worry about it, i was 20 when i lost mine and im stil with my girlfriend. I found it hard to hear that she lost her's at 15. so i don't think you should ask your guy when he lost his. you might feel like its all about the age but its not, once you get into the swing of things and your with the right person you'll be making up for the time you weren't having sex. p.s. don't become like me and make the age a problem. i've no accepted that my girlfriend was "young" and did really want to save it for that special guy :D.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): Don't worry about a thing hon, I'm in the same boat as you and I'm nearly 25!! I'm also waiting for a guy I feel comfortable with, I've also never let a guy get beyond the first few dates. I used to panic and feel like I was the last virgin on earth, but now I realise it's not weird, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. A lot of my friends my age are married with kids already and I used to feel left behind, but now I've come to terms with the fact that some people just 'blossom' (sorry, I couldn't think of a better word) later than others. But if you're with a guy, you should definitely, definitely be honest with him because if you don't and you decide to sleep with him chances are he'll be able to tell you're a virgin anyway. And if he knows it's your first time and he's a gentleman he'll take his time and go slowly and gently so as not to hurt you. Don't say you're waiting for Mr Right though, that might freak a guy out. I just say that I'd only ever sleep with a man I feel totally comfortable and at ease with, and I've never felt that way with any of the guys I've dated which is why I've never gotten past the first few dates. Don't worry at all sweetheart, you are definitely not being left behind and if a guy cares about you he will probably be proud of you for 'saving' yourself (sorry again, I'm not good with my choice of words). :)
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Ask him how old he was when he lost HIS virginity. Then, when he asks you, you can say... "I haven't lost mines yet, the right man just hasn't came along yet." I don't think he'll think you're a freak at all, I think he'll feel very proud of you and respect you all the more for it.
Eve
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female
reader, twofaces123 +, writes (12 March 2007):
twofaces123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've taken one step closer and told said guy that I want to take things really slow. This might not seem like much, but he was willing to believe that I would go home with him on the first night.
I still don't quite know how to phrase the words to tell him i've never been with anyone.
More than losing him, i'm worried that any guy I tell is going to think i'm disturbed or super religious since i'm still a virgin (neither of which is true). And i'm having a really hard time getting past that. The fact my friends nad family think i'm a completely different person in my outlook to a relationship makes me feel very alone.
Thanks for the feedback.
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female
reader, Auntie Amber :) +, writes (11 March 2007):
 i am proud for you ... i have never known any1 keep their virginity this long...good on u girl....erm but anyhow....if this boy really likes you then he wont mind that u are a virgin and if u really like him you wouldnt be worried about telling him...i reckon you should tell him anytime soon tell him you were waiting for the right guy and your feelings are telling you that you have found him!! xx auntie amber xx
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reader, aunty t  +, writes (11 March 2007):
 If he really likes you it wont be bothered in fact i would say he will be flattered that you want to give it to him. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin at 21 it just means that you wanted to wait until you met the right person. I admire you for that. I wouldnt make a big issue of when you are getting towards that moment just quietly say you will go easy on me as i havent done it before. Its not the time to have a big discussion about it so i dont think it will be as bad as you think.
Good luck
Aunty t
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female
reader, Farris +, writes (11 March 2007):
 Don't have sex with him. You should lose your virginity to someone that you know won't care about your past sexual activity.
He'll most likely respect you for waiting so long, until you found someone that you like so much. He'll probably be slightly honoured that you're even talking to him about it and the fact that you might be thinking of him being the one to lose it with.
Seriously, if you want to sleep with him, then you should be comfortable enough to tell him, and if he doesn't understand? Well then, he's not the one you want to lose your virginity to.
Good luck and best wishes!
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female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (11 March 2007):
 21 really isnt that old for being a virgin. I think its officially 'normal' until your maybe 28-30. But call me crazy. Why don't you just tell your friends and family? Why are you treating this like a bad thing? Be proud of it chica! Definitely do not just hope he doesnt notice... your first time should be special and not something thats rushed through. If it comes up in conversation of how experienced you are just be honest but dont freak... just say it just didnt happen. I wouldnt say you are waiting for mr right (that freaks most people out) just kind of be matter of fact about it and it wont be the elephant in the room. Good luck hun
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): No worries, girl, I'm a 21-year-old virgin too, and if my friends didn't know it already, they would never believe me based on the stuff that escapes my mouth. I have just been waiting for a guy that I thought was 'right' and who truly deserved it (though I'm getting pretty frustrated by now). Anyway, in regards to your question, just recently I had begun seeing a guy that didn't know...and amidst fooling around I had just sort of brought it up...you know, they may make a perverted joke about you misbehaving, and you say, 'Nooo, not me, I'm still innocent.." or something along those lines, and it goes from there. There is a good chance that his jaw may slightly drop at the sheer surprise of it, but all in all, they totally respect it (if they're worth it). So, bottom line, casually bring it up if you want to, and if you decide to give your v-card to him, he'll probably be a little touched that you saved it for him.
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reader, AskEve +, writes (10 March 2007):
Just take it one step at a time with this guy. I think he'll feel really good you haven't lost your virginity at 21. Don't feel embarrassed about it at all and don't make a big deal of it, just let things happen naturally when the time is right. Talk to him and see if he's sexually experienced, you never know, he might still be a virgin too.
Eve
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