A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i've met this guy. it was through a friend of a friend and we met only briefly but i have him as a friend on facebook. So we began talking and the conversation quickly became sexual. We swapped numbers and have continued this to and fro-ing of talking, mainly about sex. He lives fairly close and wants to meet up, which i quickly realised would be for sex. It would be my first time, not his. He's genuine and i really am ready to have sex, have been for a long time. I don't want a relationship right now but i am worried about getting too emotionally attached and whether i really should do this. I won't put myself at risk from STIs or pregnancy and will not do anything i don't want to do, even if i went to his and he wanted to, i wouldn't until i was ready. He understands that it is my first time and he also does not want a relationship. How do i enjoy myself and not worry about the emotional consequences?? Can i do this with a virtual stranger? Is he just using me for sex? I don't view virginity as something sacred, but how do i stop myself from regretting it after?? I can be quite a sensitive person.I need advice?By the way i'm 18, nearly 19, and he is not much older so nothing illegal is going on...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I wouldn't do it. My ex was my first, we dated for 4 months and he broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I'm having a really hard time getting over him. As cheesy as it sounds, your first time really is something special that you don't want to throw away. I regret giving it up to someone so easily. I imagine the regret would be much worse if I was never even in a relationship with him. I'm not saying you necessarily have to wait until you're in "love" to have sex but at least make sure the guy means something to you and is someone you don't want to forget about.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all very much for the words of wisdom. I think i knew deep down that i'm not altogether ready; physically yes but emotionally not quite. I just needed someone with an objective view to tell me. It's not really the thought of thing you ask your parents about! I'm still texting him at the moment but i will be telling him that it will be a no go.
Thank you again for taking to time to help me =)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Hey, listen, I'm a pretty normal girl, but it just so happened that I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22. I was really insecure about it beforehand, too. And the fact is, when I lost it, the guy was not necessarily a long term prospect, we'd only been dating a short while and no one had said anything one way or the other about wanting a relationship, but he was a nice guy, whom I did like an awful lot and whom I thought I could trust on a basic level. One good sign, for example, he spoke with utter love and admiration about his older sister.
I was wary though, and I told myself, if this only lasts another week, it only lasts another week, but I'm ready to get this over with and this seems like the kind of guy who will do the job right.
It just so happens that a year and a half later, we're still together. :)
So my advice to you is, it is ok to just have sex and get over this hangup you're getting - BUT, think carefully before you just do it with the first willing guy - I'm sure there are PLENTY of willing guys - make sure he's the kind of guy who likes WOMEN, not just their hoo-ha's.
One last note: I found with the guys before that I nearly made the decision of giving it up to, that I told them early on about my V-status, and that made everything a little more tense and awkward and the stakes even higher. Just go out and date guys, avoid going home with them until you find one you like and who meets the above criteria. Before you hop into bed tell him, "Listen, I have a secret." I did this and it unintentoinally worked out perfectly. He was waiting for me to say "I have AIDS" or "I'm a transexual" or something, so when I said "I've never had sex before," he was like "Phew!"
I know it's a long answer but I hope it helps, darlin'. Take it from someone who's been there.
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A
male
reader, df30  +, writes (19 January 2011):
I'm a guy.Just because you have no sex experience doesn't mean your gonna suck at sex youll do great your first time experience or not, your a girl every penis will be pleased by that.If you lose your virginity I doubt that your going to get a trophy or a badge that makes you cool, not sure i'm a guy but i doubt it.You will notice male attention, when you go to a party guys will whisper and nudge eachothers elbows.They will talk about you in bed or about who banged you.Your virginity will forever be gone and the guy will be a random hookup. Your marketability will go down among males not soley because your a virgin but because you were easy. Its not fair guys get applauded for being sluts but I didnt make the rules and I'm glad im a guy. When the nice guy your waiting on finally does show up you will probably feel like shit for losing your virginity so early and not saving it for him or atleast someone special. My gf took that route and wheneverit comes up she feels guilty about it because I waited and she couldnt, I dont blame her for it but I know it still bothers her and it bothers me sometimes, call me insecure or whatever but thats the way I feel about it.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (19 January 2011):
 I want to take this from a slightly different angle.
What exactly do you know about this guy? How many times have you met him?
Your first paragraph concerns me A LOT.
"So i've met this guy. it was through a friend of a friend and we met only briefly but i have him as a friend on facebook. So we began talking and the conversation quickly became sexual. We swapped numbers and have continued this to and fro-ing of talking, mainly about sex. "
Right, so you meet a random guy, and have since been talking on the internet mostly about sex.
What do you think his motives are?
He is after sex. He wants an easy lay. He only has one thing on his mind. SEX.
You come along, and are offering him, to put it bluntly, fine virgin flesh on a plate. He doesnt care about your first time, but the ego boost he will get for deflowering you is immense.
He has preyed on you via facebook. The fact he has only spoken about sex should ring big warning bells in your head. Do you honestly think you are the only girl he has tried this with? How many do you think he has managed to get into bed with this technique?
You will be one of a long list of internet sex buddies for him. A nameless face who he will forget once the deed is done. Do you really want that?
Taking it on a completely different tangent, you could also liken him to the sex-pests who trawl facebook looking for innocent young girls (see you) to have sex with, who they then rape, or worse, murder. Who is to say that you meet with this guy, decide you dont want to have sex with him, but he forces you. You dont know this man. Do you want to put yourself in such a dangerous position?
Do you want to look back at your first time being with someone who really couldnt give a damn about you apart from the fact you were offering a bit of free loving? Is that how you want to remember it?
The fact you are questioning this screams out that you are not ready. Its called a gut instinct for a reason, and you should listen to it. If it feels even slightly wrong, dont do it.
You are still very young. 18-21! Contrary to popular belief a large percentage of people do not have sex before they hit their twenties. Sadly, sex is something that is shrouded in lies because people want to fit in, be cool and not be considered odd. There is nothing wrong with waiting for someone who cares.
Be true to yourself and most of all BE SAFE.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Hahaha Rainysarah nice typo "I wish you lick :D"
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Okay let me get this straight, you're wondering whether you'll regret losing you virginity to a guy who only sees you as a warm hole he can stick his willy in, wants nothing more to do with you other than sex, has made no effort to get to know you other than for sex, doesn't care about you, will probably walk away when he gets what he wants, will probably brag to anyone who will listen that he took your virginity, who you don't know well enough to know whether you can trust him not to hurt you, whether you can trust him to be gentle, whether you can trust him to take no for an answer, whether he won't treat you really rough and the toss you aside?
There's nothing you could possibly regret in that is there?
OP we get into relationships first to find out whether we can trust the other person, not only because it's special, but to find out whether they deserve to sleep with you. Whether they're not some asshole intent on hurting you. We date and get into relationships first because that's the safest way. Especially for girls, because all you know about this guy is what he says, he hasn't had to do anything but talk to show you he deserves you and we guys will say anything to get a shag and when the girl's a virgin, well we'll say anything she wants to hear to get that and even sell our own grandmothers to get that prize.
The reason most girls (smart girls) make a guy wait until they get to know him properly through dating, is because we guys are full of shit OP, we are liars that will say anything a girl wants to hear to get laid. It's very easy to speak like we're genuine, but the smart girls make us prove that by our actions, action such as showing we care by dating, taking them out, being there for them etc.
What your talking about is just giving to this guy on a plate without having to do anything at all to earn it. No offence OP, but he's not going to want anything more to do with you after that, that's too easy for us OP there's no fun without the chase. Once he has his prize he's gone.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 January 2011):
 You have received some very good advice, please consider it carefully. If you're worried about losing your virginity and the consequences, then plain and simple..don't do it..at least not at this point, in this situation. For some people, losing their virginity is a relief. For you, as it was for me, its a bigger deal. Please wait until you are ready emotionally for this step into your total sexual awakening. Losing your virginity isn't something that you have to rush into. All these years later, I am still so happy that I waited for sex until I was with someone that I truly loved and cared about and at that time thought was going to be my life mate. I've never regretted losing my virginity the way that it happened. I'm happy that it was a beautiful experience, and not something that I regretted the next day or for the rest of my life. Please think this through before acting rashly. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, Grac3 +, writes (18 January 2011):
Your hesitation and fear of regret, is a strong indication that you are not emotionally ready.
If you were ready, you wouldn't be questioning it. If you were comfortable with going ahead with it, then there probably wouldn't be any regret afterwards because you would know that you'd followed your true desires. The doubts are there as a warning sign. Trust your instinct.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 January 2011):
 "How do i enjoy myself and not worry about the emotional consequences??" This question is like buying that expensive car. If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it. If you have to ask this question, there's no way you are ready to have random sex with a stranger. If you were ready to do this, all these doubts and concerns wouldn't be there for you.
The doubts and concerns are there. Listen to them, they are your intuitive side trying to get you to stop your plan!
If you are a sensitive person, there is no way you can go somewhere, meet up and have sex with a stranger, your FIRST time having sex, no less, without some trauma to your psyche.
Of course there's nothing illegal going on, if you're both of age. It's just that you really aren't ready for this type of encounter. I would advise against it for you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Mama C +, writes (18 January 2011):
Honey, there are too many questions there and i can tell you i don't believe you're ready. You just think you need to - that it's 'time'. Everyone's 'time' is different, be sure yours is with someone very special. STDs are a severe reality and no amount of protection out there is 100%. I'm not trying to frighten you away from sex, but there's a lot to consider there. And the purpose (and in my opinion - the BEST part) of intimacy is what you're trying to avoid - the relationship itself. The chemistry you have with someone you trust, someone you're in love with... It's the best part of sex.. don't toss that to someone you don't feel really close to.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 January 2011):
 How do i enjoy myself and not worry about the emotional consequences??
You can't. Especially since you said you're a sensitive person.
Can i do this with a virtual stranger?
Can you and should you are two different questions. You 'can' do anything you like, you shouldn't do this though.
Is he just using me for sex?
Yes
I don't view virginity as something sacred, but how do i stop myself from regretting it after??
By saving it for someone with whom it will mean something. There is no rush. You may think you're ready, but all the fears you listed tell me you aren't.
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