A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship at the moment and it is such HARD WORK. The fear he will cheat on me, the jealously of his ex girlfriends is always in my head. When he says something that hurts me. It really is torture. Being in love with someone is just really heartbreaking. Part of me just wants to be alone then I won't have to worry about anyone but then I do not want be alone forever.I am only 21 so I hope I grow up and mature. I am a very insecure person. I just want to know if relationships get any easier, if there always going to be worry and heartach?
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ex girlfriend, his ex, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mlost +, writes (19 January 2011):
I don't know from where to start, but I just want to remind of the reasons why you started this relation? If a lot of people get hurt in relation it doesn't mean that everyone get the same fate. In relationship one needs to trust the other just like a babies does when we lift them up that we won't let them fall. In relationship you need to trust and of-course need to provide reasonable space as well. You are 21 and you have lovely ahead to live, please don't let these insecurities to create distances in-spite of spaces. You are love, being in love feels like being blessed by god, speak up with the love of your life about your insecurities and enjoy each and every moment of this wonderful phase of life. You are lucky you are in love not everyone gets this wonderful chance. God bless you !
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): I think it just means that he is not the one for you. If he was I think you would feel alot more at ease and relaxed around him and just in general.
I have often felt that way with lovers. You may not realise it but maybe he does look at you in a critical way. Or maybe he judges you subtly. I mean it might not all be you. Everybody is insecure at times and perhaps this is something you need to work on. But you shouldn't discredit the fact that he might in fact have something to do with why you feel edgy and uncertain. While I have felt uneasy and nervous and jealous with certain lovers, with others I feel very relaxed and happy.
So perhaps the chemstry is just not right and not working out for you two.
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A
female
reader, soft2020  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 A female reader,soft2020,writes ( 18 January 2011 )
Hi Anonymous, like Anonymous replies love is what's found
inside of ourselves first before we can receive it from
anyone else we have to receive it from ourselves. Look
deep inside yourself and you will discover something that
you never seen before and you will be amazed at what you
will find and have been missing for many years. "Your self
worth and beauty" you will feel like a queen ! why become a
worry wart at your own expense time is precious and too short. The older we become the more harder life becomes
todays world is all about the "Me" process why waste time
trying to fix it waiting for something that may not be guaranteed. Most likely it is proberly infatuation that
you are feeling at the moment which will eventually will
wear off later some time in your life. Guys often tell us they love us because they think that is what we want to hear for their little take us over in the moments. Yes
your insecurities will eventually go away for this person as you get older he eventually will become something of
the past in your future he will not be the last guy you
will ever meet "Trust me".
Take care of yourself and good luck !
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A
female
reader, Grac3 +, writes (18 January 2011):
Being in Love with someone and being in a relationship is a vulnerable place to be. It takes courage and trust.
It can be difficult if you're feeling insecure. Try to view yourself as an individual as well as part of a couple.
Remember who you are. Do the things that you enjoy. Spend time with friends and look after yourself.
This should give you strength and help you to feel more secure whether in or out of a relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): To add to what I wrote, you don't "grow out of it", you work your way out of it with diligent hard sustained effort and practice.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I can really understand your words.
My wife was like that. Her fear and pain from things was rather strong. Far worse than I could have ever imagined. It caused a lot of problems in the marriage and nearly led to divorce. She now says that she wished she'd understood things before she met me, we've been working with a counselor for along time and it is hard work.
The answer is that relationships ALWAYS take work and UNDERSTANDING of BOTH YOURSELF AND THE OTHER PERSON BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY YOURSELF. You must understand yourself first, and figure out why you are the way that you are.
You need some help now, a counselor who can direct you to some good reading for understanding things. There is a reason you are insecure. You must work on this, probably for a couple of years, probably more, but by doing so you will save yourself a lot of future pain and possibly worse.
If you have been neglected as a child, abandoned by a father or mother figure, sexually or physically or emotionally abused or neglected, raped, or have any other trauma it affects your relationships.
Get help...thank God you are in the UK, here in my area counseling costs us 150 dollars every other week and it is all out of pocket.
If your first counselor doesn't seem to help, get another. Make sure you open up, tell your history fully, and please don't hide anything (my wife did and it took her months to open up even to a counselor).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): you need to learn to love yourself, make sure your happiness comes from you, you are more important than the boyfriend, learn to love yourself more, remember you are worthy of love an others will love you.
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