A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know whether I should address it at other guys, gals, or perhaps gay men. The problem is that I keep getting hit by gay men. The thing is that I am in no way undecided, I am into women, point. And I'm not exactly the warm, romantic type who brings flowers, I like it hard with lots of dirty talk. Hope you get the idea. I am pretty liberal, have a few gay friends, none of whom hit on me of course, and perhaps am sending the wrong signal to the public, because I'm not at all uncomfortable in the presence of gays. What do I do? Can't suddenly turn homophobic. I've been told my body movement may be a bit queer, so started controlling that, but it was never as bad as I'd put one leg on the other and my glasses on my forehead. I've been thinking of being quite straight (no pun intended ;) ) with strangers and saying directly that I'm straight, but I deal a lot with Italians and Latin Americans, those guys are naturally physical, and any mention of "gay" could get my face in danger. Hints?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Stupid American here... is there something negative about being profiled as German???
as for the rest of your update.. I'm sorry my brother is gay as is his husband (obviously) but that does not mean that they are different from any other married couple.... nor are most gays different from straights..
Sexual orientation does not make a a person an asshole...
if you are consistently being grossly hit on my gay men (different ones) on a regular (i.e. every time you go out or even every other time) then the issue may be something YOU are doing... like some of the other aunts have said...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your time. I am not shallow to think that every straight and gay guy being nice is hitting on me, as I said, when it was just misunderstandings I shrugged it off, but when it got disguising, I posted it here.
I guess the solution is to stay neutral to my friends, some of whom are gay, and be "normal", that is a bit hostile to anybody who seems gay. I guess we're not ready to treat each other, I mean straight and gay people, the same way as two straight males would. Idealistic I was, that's it.
And I am no longer in LU but in DE, but I don't want to be profiled as German, hence Lux it stays.
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A
male
reader, Biffo  +, writes (16 September 2012):
You are either so extremely handsome that no gay man can resist you or you are obviously giving off gay signals to all these gay men because I don't think straight men get hit on as many times as you are talking about. Perhaps if you had a girlfriend on your arm, they might leave you alone or perhaps the bar you are going to is actually a gay bar? Or perhaps you feel that every guy (straight or gay) is hitting on you, when in fact they are just being kind. You should feel flattered and reply "Sorry I'm straight". That is usually enough. There is a quotation that comes to mind 'The lady doth protest too much, methinks'. I'm surprised because Luxembourg is a really, small place, not much bigger than a village, where everyone knows everyone else..
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 It is SO simple, my homopursued friend. Just ask any barely decent looking woman you know and see if in the course of her life she has not been hit on countless times by any sort of "suitors", including the most inappropriate, undesirable, and undesired ones , also in blatant lack of any sign of interest from her. Guys half her age, twice her age, married, and maybe married to her friends ,too- the butcher , the baker and the candestick maker. She maybe smiling to hersef recalling something funny, and the septuagenarian who collects her garbage will think " yeah baby, I know you want me " or at least will decide to try his luck, ya never know. And not all , of course, will be quick to get a hint , some may be obnoxiously persistent.
So you can do what ( most ) women do : you shrug it off , and keep doing your thing and forget immediately about the unwanted attention , at least if they don't look or act dangerous. You take it as a compliment, or with a pinch of humour , or compassion . Basically, you don't let it bother you . Here we say " Asking is always allowed, and responding is always optional ".
Of course , you may want to make sure that your body language is not involuntarily too forthcoming, or seductive to the point of being misleading- but, with common sense, within limits. If you want to wear pink trousers, do wear them when you want and just be impervious to any intrigued stares- same as girls do not ( and should not ) wear a burqa because otherwise dirty old ( or young ) men could leer at their exposed legs.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Here's a link which explains what I'm talking about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handkerchief_code
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 September 2012):
Just a thought, there used to be a code language based on color and position of bandannas; kind of a gay semaphore in which sexual preferences were expressed. Like if you wore an orange bandanna in your back left pocket, you were a top, on the right, you were a bottom. (I don't recall the specific colors/positions, mind you, that was just an example.)
I'd ask one of your gay friends if you have put on some sort of inadvertent advertisement of this type.
Oh, and welcome to the wonderful world of getting hit on when you don't want it. I'll tell you that aging will take care of that particular issue. Ha.
I'm still wondering where you are when these guys won't leave you alone?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 September 2012):
"I'm flattered but I'm straight, thank you for the lovely compliment"
and that's what it is my friend, a LOVELY COMPLIMENT...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, but if only it were so simple... I can stand gays who only attempt - they get hints and leave, but more and more often I have situations whereas the guy didn't want to leave, or another guy was so vulgar that I was literally on the brink of being sick.
Since I have no antigay pheromones, I have to learn how to repel them otherwise. Gay repellent, please!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 September 2012):
"No thank you, I'm not interested." That should suffice. Or, "I play for the other team."
As women are told to be happy they are attractive enough to warrant unwanted advances, maybe you should be happy you are cute enough to get hit on.
Is this happening every day, several times a day? Or is it more once a week? Where are you when the advances are made?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 September 2012):
 To preclude just the type of incident that you've described,.... when I am introduced to someone (man or woman) the first thing I do is extend my hand to them and say, "Pleased to meet you (their name here).... I'm straight, you know...."
I never get hit on, later, by those people....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Maybe you just exude a sexual energy that men pick up on... women probably pick up on it too just don't act on it since women rarely hit on men anyway. The only thing to do is politely and firmly decline the advances and keep living your life as you are.
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