A
female
age
36-40,
*i_the_tree
writes:My ex and I were together for almost 3 and a half years. We'd always had problems during the relationship, which lead to us being on and off quite alot. But in the end we always got back together. Back in June, we broke up, and days later he starts seeing someone else. Now of course this bothered me, but over the last few months i have sort of accepted it.Now our relationship broke down for loads of reasons, the main one being that there wasn't enough communication (i would tend to hide things from him incase he reacted badly if i told him - I know this was wrong to do, and i realise this and have been honest with him if anything crops up)My ex and i still speak regularly, and we both wish that things were different. He still has feelings for me, but can't deal with the mental stuff at the moment. He told me the other day that he wants me to show respect and consideration for him (which i'm trying to prove to him by doing what i'm doing now - being honest etc) and that he needs to see proof that i'm doing so. My problem is - apart from what i'm doing at the moment, how else can i show him proof of this? I've considered deleting all our mutual friends off of facebook (i rarely speak to most of them anyway) i've bought him a card from moonpig with lots of little sayings and poems in it (which i've yet to give him)We have met up a couple of times and he has said that it was really nice to have me round (we were both doing bits and pieces on our cars) Basically we both miss each other and often text saying how we wish the other was with us just holding each other. I just really want to be back with him, and start fresh. I don't want to make the same mistakes again, but he needs the proof that i have learnt from them, i'm just not sure how to go about it.I love this guy and i want to be with him, i don't want to move on from him as i'm sure some of you will be getting ready to tell me to 'move on with my life'. I don't want to do it, i want to prove it to him.If you have made it this far, then thank you so much, means alot to me. Please help!!!
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female
reader, princessbynature  +, writes (18 October 2010):
sweety i know exactly what you talking about i love this guy and im trying my best everyday to prove to him that the love i have is true. right now you probably feel like there is no hope for you like you're being punnished by god himself all i could say is get that guy you're in love with somewhere quiet where the two off you are alone and ell him just how you feel cry if you have to do whatever it takes cause if you cant get him out of your head that means he is meant to be... mwaaahhhh good luck sweety
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (13 September 2010):
fi_the_tree is verified as being by the original poster of the question So, I have a little update for you...
I have been trying my best to be as honest as i can with my ex at all times, but now i feel like he's starting to slip away even further. I hate thinking i'm going to lose him and i don't know if what i am doing is enough!! I haven't asked my ex if it's enough because i know the answer i will get is 'I dont know'. I don't want to put extra pressure on him as it will only drive him away further surely??
I wondered if anyone has some fresh ideas of how to help me. I realise that this isn't a quick fix situation, i just wish i could spend some time with him to talk properly, but even then my mind would go blank...
I don't want to lose him :(
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (5 September 2010):
fi_the_tree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies so far.
Some varied opinions, which is useful to have. But most of you are right, i just need to keep being totally honest about every little thing that happens. If a friend of his txts or speaks to me on facebook, i should let him know. I need to lay very low for a while, and casually chat with him when we do text or meet.
To those who have mentioned about the fact it's just me having to change - he came to a realisation a few months ago (we were again separated, but he wasn't with anyone else) that he had been very closed off towards me. Instead of talking through his fears with me, he would instead just shut me out completely and usually the relationship would end because he 'couldn't deal with his feelings' even though i was always there for him and would always hear him out. I had asked him to make some changes for me too, and he did his best.
We have been through so much together as a couple, i would hate to lose him now and feel as though it was a waste. I just wish it could be easier and quicker, but i know it's gonna take time and effort (from both of us) to make things work. It would be so much easier aswell if he wasn't in a new relationship either, but i have to carry on regardless, and do my best.
So thanks again, keep the advice coming!!! :)
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A
male
reader, wisernow +, writes (5 September 2010):
It seems your lack of communication and lying drove him away.... and preventing this guy from getting back into the same old relationship with you.... So what can you do? Try being honest .... l mean truly honest to both him and yourself....
The first and most essential element of a good relationship is TRUST. Trust in all things..... and then come COMPATIBILITY and LOVE.... Physical attraction is very important and it adds excitement to the couple, but it not the most important thing to look for in a man.....
If you show him you can be trusted and are really compatible then you have a future together....
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 You can start now, be open with him when you text him and then he'll see the difference. He'll see that you have learned and since you're both miss each other and you BOTH want to be with each other again, he'll see how well things will turn out this time.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): well.... maybe lots of people would say to move on and so on, but I don't think you shud. The other day, my fren had asked me wat a perfect relationship is. I said that a perfect relationship is when both are willing to share and trust each other. You'll know he's the one if he's willing to listen about your boring day with interest and when he knows wat you like. I know wat I'm telling you right now is useless, but I think you shud show him that you are that person who's willing to trust him and actually cares about him that much to know wat he'd eatan on that day, or wat shirt he's wearing. Prove it to him. I'm sure it'll work out. Good luck =)
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A
male
reader, Ecoatz +, writes (4 September 2010):
You shouldn't be the only one making changes in this relationship..he needs to make some too. If a guy starts dating another girl after a three year long relationship, he has serious issues needing to be delt with. Being there for him and opening up to him is about all you can do. Alot of effort is needed to make a relationship work which has already failed so many other times. Just ask yourself what is different this time around if you ever find yourself back together with him. He's clearly into you.
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A
female
reader, Supreeya +, writes (4 September 2010):
When you were in a realtionship why were you constantly falling out? It sounds like he may still have feelings for you but why is it your the only one who has to 'prove' you have changed, or you can do better, you should both have a conversation about why you relationship broke down in the first place, and what you can BOTH do in order to improve things if you decided to give it a go.
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