A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for a year and a half, I cheated on my wife with a prostitute and got caught. I love my wife and was seeing the prostitute just because I was so damn horny and wanted to do things with the prostitute that my wife doesn't do. Since she found out we have separated. I was wondering if anyone has experience with a situation like this and could lend some advice and guidance as how, if it is possible, I should go about getting my wife to return to me. I love her and have deep feelings for her and I know she is the same way but couldn't stand to stay with be immediately after she discovered this. Please help.
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female
reader, cassie666  +, writes (7 September 2010):
o dear, see the thing is to go with a whore will be one of the most disgusting images for your wife to hold in her mind, she will be thinking about all the other men that have been there, then she will be thinking errr that means i have now be tainted by this, i cant think of anything worse really, why should she forgive you? u had sex with a whore and paid for it, nice, what a nice thought(not)
so leave her a lone and if for some crazy reason she forgives you, that thought will NEVER leave her mind.. it will neve work out as it will always be thrown back at you..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): It seems you've received enough degradation, so I won't cut you down too bad ;-). How long were you and your wife together before being married? The year and a half of being married alone I don't believe is enough to get you through this. However, if you had a strong, say, 5 year relationship beforehand, there may be some saving left. Did you and your wife talk through this ordeal? As I've said before and will continue saying, there is no excuse or justification for cheating. Especially when you're paying for it. Rather than physically going after this fantasy you should have talked to your wife explaining how much of a need it was to you. If she agreed to it or something similar maybe things would have worked out differently. If she didn't, it probably would have been best to leave it a fantasy. I'm assuming--hoping--you don't personally know this prostitute. The up side to that is, you had no emotional connection with her, which if your wife can take anything good from this, it's knowing that. For now, give your lady some time to herself. Maybe in a few weeks, ask her to meet you for lunch or something and attempt to talk with her about it. Ask her if she wants to try counseling. Let me reiterate there is no justification for cheating, however we're all only human. Mistake; we are programmed with. What you did was wrong and you accept that. In the end, whichever your wife wants to do, you should also accept and will hopefully give you some serious insight for future relations. Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): i agree with the other aunts, your poor wife. all i can say is please leave your wife alone. she deserves better and one day HOPEFULLY you will be able to understand the consequences of your actions.
-LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (5 September 2010):
i agree with aunty bim bim 100 percent ifshe loved you whihch im sure she i cant even imagine how shes living right now i dont think i wold be able to if my bf ever did that to me not to mention my self esteem would be shattered n i would probably never get it back
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (5 September 2010):
 A one and a half year marriage is very vulnerable and unfortunately, you gave your wife every reason to leave. Had you been married for 20 years and slipped once that may have been recoverable but within such a short time (some would even say honeymoon phase) you betrayed your wife. She is young, there are no kids yet (luckily) and if I were in her shoes, I would end it now and start over with someone who truly cares about me.
The cavilier excuse of being so darn horny makes you sound like a 15 year old boy. Time to grow up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): I can tell you now, I will not give a cheater a second chance.....I don't care if they didn't have sex with the person...I did once and instead of the guy proving himself worthy of me giving him a second chance, he got lazy, told me he wasn't going to prove himself because he was lazy, it was too much work and he would feel as though he was begging me. Also, he started accusing me of trying to seek revenge on him by cheating.....it was drama after drama after drama...I know people cheat for various reasons, by I refuse to give myself to another guy who isn't deeply in love with me. I think that when a guy is deeply in love, he is less likely to do some crap to mess up the relationship.
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A
male
reader, bma.com +, writes (5 September 2010):
 Wow !! Damn horny does not cut it any more dude. Would you be upset if a male with ripped abs and muscles of steel was pounding on your wife? Oh yea i forgot and hung like a horse. Get the pic now? Give her time no contact, Let her come back to you if she chooses,Her choice, and then there are still no gaurntees it could take years,Only married for a year and a half,"Nice"Suave lotion on sale walmart $1.68 If it gets that bad Knock it out yourself dude, got mine down in under 5 min. Good luck though.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 You just dont get it do you?
By turning to another woman you were telling your wife she wasnt good enough for you.
By PAYING for sex with another woman you were telling your wife not only wasnt she good enough for you but the other woman was so much better you rewarded her for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): You have "deep feelings" for her but you still thought it was a-okay to hurt her and destroy all trust and commitment in your relationship? What if you had found out she was sleepin with other guys? I bet you wouldn't accept any reasoning. Get over yourself.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 September 2010):
 Before I advise you, what would keep you from cheating on your wife a second time? You claimed that you were "so damn horny" which made you visit one. Guess what? You'll be "so damn horny" again! How do you know that you deserve a second chance with your wife if you would turn around and cheat again??
That being said, if you can answer truthfully that being with a prostitute was a mistake and that you'd never repeat it, your solution will take time. Time for your wife's feelings to cool some (right now, I'm sure the very thought of you disgusts and hurts her), and then you have to START OVER. Court her like you would if you had just met her. Listen to her and prove that you can change and be trustworthy.
You have to win her back because the relationship that you had with its trust and comfort level is gone. You have to slowly win her love back. That might be impossible, but it's your only way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): I see no way you can get her back. U had sex with another woman, broke your marriage vows, lusted and bedded another female...put her into positions and rubbed yourself all over her...I mean come on, what do you think she will forgive this? You don't deserve to have her back. You did a very horrible thing to her. The hurt must be unimaginable. The best you can do is say that you are sorry and move on with your life. She deserves someone that will protect her heart not break it.
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A
female
reader, Morrissey-fan +, writes (5 September 2010):
Sorry, you were naive about what cheating would do to your relationship and now you've ruined it. If another woman takes you on in the future just try to learn from your selfish mistakes.
If I was someones wife and they slept with a prostitute I would never go back to them, neuter would many women and judging by your wifes clever decision to end it she knows she has to leave now. Try learn from it is all you can do now. Don't even try blame your wife. You ruined your marriage
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