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age
30-35,
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writes: I love sex; sweet, romantic, dirty, kinky, I like it all, especially with my current boyfriend, who treats me like a queen and never disappoints me in bed. You'd think that wouldn't be a problem, but I'm shy, so it's always him who initiates things. I'm an "anytime, anywhere" kind of girl, and I'm really easygoing when I'm with somebody I trust. When he asks me what /I/ want, I don't know what to say (like I mentioned before, I like it all!). He seems to enjoy it when we have sex but I feel like I must seem really boring, I can't even speak up about what I want him to do to me! And I don't want him to think that I don't want him because of my lack of, well, initiative.How can I overcome my shyness and make things a bit more interesting?
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male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 Even if you like it all there must be something that you would prefer at the moment. Everyone has preferences. You have to realize that he is with you because he does like the shyness, you can still be shy and subtle with how you direct him. It may be easier for you to just move him gently without saying anything rather then having a discussion about it. Even if he doesn't get it right away he will eventually and it would just be cute when there is some hesitation.
I'm sure he never expects you to fully take charge but like I said you must have some preference now and then. Try one time just getting things started and then it will probably come naturally to him to take over but he will remember you doing this and it may give you that confidence boost seeing how much he enjoyed it.
A
female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (13 April 2011):
Hi dear lizardqueen,Well, I am actually asking myself if you guys do have a problem at all.He gets as much sex as he wants, you like what he does, I mean, are you aware of how many boyfriends beg their girlfriends to have sex with them and get rejected on a regular basis?He never complained so far, did he?Maybe your boyfriend doesn't think anything bad about this situation at all. Maybe if you initiated sex, he'd feel thrown offguard, maybe he likes to be in control and pick the time when you have sex? But if you want to initiate sex..hm.. you could, for instance, ask if you could take a shower together. you could text him and say you've got a surprise for him when he gets home, and then wait for him in some sexy lingerie. Or you can start to gently stroke him when you're in bed together. I'd say these things work:)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): it is pk, shyness is fine. to your surprise, we men love it and adore it.
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A
female
reader, masquerade711 +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Well my dear, if he treats you like a queen and you enjoy having sex with him, what guy wouldn't want to hear that? Think about it, that would be a little absurd. "Oh honey, I LOVE having sex with you!" And then he replies with, "What? How stupid!" Don't think so :)
If you like it all, then tell him! Again, I'm sure it would NOT hurt his ego at all to hear that you love anything he does to/for you. As for you initiating sex, I'll be honest, my boyfriend is the one who usually initiates it. He knows that and he doesn't mind. So the few times when I decide to start it, it's a pleasant surprise for him!
Just try this. The next time you want sex, give him a long, deep kiss, then a little wink. He will know RIGHT away. There! You've initiated! I hope this is helpful :)
masq
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