A
female
age
36-40,
*etobe
writes:So I have a crush on a guy.We were meant to meet for a walk a two weeks ago but a misunderstanding/miscommunication happened and we didn't end up meeting.He asked if I could meet the following day but I said i was busy with clients.He hasn't asked me out again since then, we bumped into each other at the grocery store once but we smiled at each other underneath our surgical masks and that was about it. I messaged him later saying it was me (keep in mind we've never actually had a conversation in person). He was a guy my friend told me was single and I connected with him on social media.So since that misunderstanding, he hasn't asked me out!He sees my instagram stories almost instantaneously but doesn't reach out in conversation. I feel like he likes me though. I decided to switch things up today and I restricted him from seeing my instagram stories so that he'd wonder where I was and miss me (please don't judge me for doing this, I'm just seeing if this changes things up).There is another guy who's sort of showing more of an interest in dating me so I've decided to give him more of a chance. So I've decided to try and move on. And forget about the first guy. And to be honest since restricting him from seeing my stories I've become less Obsessive.Should i just carry on and eventually the passion will die and I'll finally be over him? And just move on with the newer guy whos reaching out more?What can I do to get over this fixation, ugh.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 May 2020):
 I think if you are interested in guy #1 you should send him a message and see how he is doing. That you are sorry you were so busy with work last time you spoke, but hope he didn't take it as you not being interested in getting to know him - in your own words of course.
I think it's unfair to guy #2 that you will string him along in case #1 doesn't up his game.
Hiding your feed doesn't make someone more interesting (you) or someone more interested (him). It just shows immaturity and game play.
If you WANT #1, then let him know you are still interested, if you just want HIM to make the first move, you can wait forever and a day.
He CAN'T read your mind, OP
He has no idea that you ACTULALY were busy and he has no idea why your Instagram is a little more dead than usual.
You need to OPEN your mouth or (type with fingers) and EXPRESS what you are looking for. Sitting and HOPING they will take the hint or know what you feel is unrealistic.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 May 2020):
 You are in your 30s, you have a "fixation" on a guy with whom you have not even spent any time. You are playing games like a teenager, blocking him on social media. Wow. Just wow.
You need to grow up mentally and emotionally, stop fixating on people you don't even know and stop expecting him to pursue you despite your erratic behaviour. Behave like an adult, treat him in a manner consistent with your age and with the respect with which you would like to be treated and perhaps this relationship might actually stand a chance of developing.
You sound like you are only considering the other guy because you cannot get the guy you are fixating on. How would you feel if someone did that to you?
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A
female
reader, Justmy5cents  +, writes (14 May 2020):
 Sounds like he has retreated, perhaps he views what's happened as you not being interested or, like yourself, been unavailable for his own reasons. The way I see it, your in your 30's so grab life by the horns- take the plunge and ask him out again. Don't make a big deal of it other than commenting on being disappointed you couldn't make it the last time as you were looking forward to it and certainly make no mention of him not being in contact with you. The days are gone it being the responsibility of the guy to do the chasing. Be brave, either you will catch up and get the chance to see where that path takes you or know once and for all he's just not interested. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (14 May 2020):
Why do some women - I include you in this group - think the guy has to do all the running? After your "misunderstanding" he asked you out again but you gave him what many guys - myself included - might see as a brush-off. Guys can be sensitive and insecure too you know. As he had made the effort to ask you why didn't you propose a day which would have suited you better? And now you are giving your attention to someone you don't even sound keen on just because the first guy is not jumping through hoops for you. You sound very immature and need to stop playing silly mind games with people.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (14 May 2020):
Hi there. So there is no question as to the fact you recognise each other in the street.
And if you see him in the supermarket as you said you did, he lives local to you.
Perhaps when you said you were busy with clients the next day, and that you couldn't see him, he might be thinking you weren't that keen after all.
Don't give up on him just yet, it's only early days.
It's probably not a good idea to block him on social media, as that would seem like to him, that you don't want him in your life either.
They are all negatives.
Well at least you do smile at each other when you do bump into him, so that is a good thing.
And maybe, don't go onto social media as often as you have been, so you don't see things that you don't want to see.
And you won't become anxious, and worry.
You could also try and limit how often you do go onto social media - maybe once every two days, but only once a day (instead of many times a day).
I guarantee you will be a lot happier, and with a lot more peace in your daily life.
And if you were thinking about seeing this other guy who you feel likes you, this first guy could hear about it, and it would be over before it even started, and that's not what you want, I'm sure.
And the first guy, could then believe he couldn't trust you, if you give up that easily.
So there's a few things to think about here.
Sleep on it, and see what you think.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (14 May 2020):
Hi there. So there is no question as to the fact you recognise each other in the street.
And if you see him in the supermarket as you said you did, he lives local to you.
Perhaps when you said you were busy with clients the next day, and that you couldn't see him, he might be thinking you weren't that keen after all.
Don't give up on him just yet, it's only early days.
It's probably not a good idea to block him on social media, as that would seem like to him, that you don't want him in your life either.
They are all negatives.
Well at least you do smile at each other when you do bump into him, so that is a good thing.
And maybe, don't go onto social media as often as you have been, so you don't see things that you don't want to see.
And you won't become anxious, and worry.
You could also try and limit how often you do go onto social media - maybe once every two days, but only once a day (instead of many times a day).
I guarantee you will be a lot happier, and with a lot more peace in your daily life.
And if you were thinking about seeing this other guy who you feel likes you, this first guy could hear about it, and it would be over before it even started, and that's not what you want, I'm sure.
And the first guy, could then believe he couldn't trust you, if you give up that easily.
So there's a few things to think about here.
Sleep on it, and see what you think.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (14 May 2020):
Hi there. So there is no question as to the fact you recognise each other in the street.
And if you see him in the supermarket as you said you did, he lives local to you.
Perhaps when you said you were busy with clients the next day, and that you couldn't see him, he might be thinking you weren't that keen after all.
Don't give up on him just yet, it's only early days.
It's probably not a good idea to block him on social media, as that would seem like to him, that you don't want him in your life either.
They are all negatives.
Well at least you do smile at each other when you do bump into him, so that is a good thing.
And maybe, don't go onto social media as often as you have been, so you don't see things that you don't want to see.
And you won't become anxious, and worry.
You could also try and limit how often you do go onto social media - maybe once every two days, but only once a day (instead of many times a day).
I guarantee you will be a lot happier, and with a lot more peace in your daily life.
And if you were thinking about seeing this other guy who you feel likes you, this first guy could hear about it, and it would be over before it even started, and that's not what you want, I'm sure.
And the first guy, could then believe he couldn't trust you, if you give up that easily.
So there's a few things to think about here.
Sleep on it, and see what you think.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (14 May 2020):
Hi there. So there is no question as to the fact you recognise each other in the street.
And if you see him in the supermarket as you said you did, he lives local to you.
Perhaps when you said you were busy with clients the next day, and that you couldn't see him, he might be thinking you weren't that keen after all.
Don't give up on him just yet, it's only early days.
It's probably not a good idea to block him on social media, as that would seem like to him, that you don't want him in your life either.
They are all negatives.
Well at least you do smile at each other when you do bump into him, so that is a good thing.
And maybe, don't go onto social media as often as you have been, so you don't see things that you don't want to see.
And you won't become anxious, and worry.
You could also try and limit how often you do go onto social media - maybe once every two days, but only once a day (instead of many times a day).
I guarantee you will be a lot happier, and with a lot more peace in your daily life.
And if you were thinking about seeing this other guy who you feel likes you, this first guy could hear about it, and it would be over before it even started, and that's not what you want, I'm sure.
And the first guy, could then believe he couldn't trust you, if you give up that easily.
So there's a few things to think about here.
Sleep on it, and see what you think.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2020): Hi there. When you meet someone via social media, there are so many unknown facts, about what their interests are, their life values, family, marital status etc.
You are basically going on the appearance of someone's face, which is not always a good indicator. And then if you chat a bit, you do get a feel for their personality type, but really, it does come down to actually meeting that person in the flesh, to see if you actually do get on with each other. Plus a good rapport with each other.
It is easy to have misunderstandings in the beginning.
What I am now thinking however, is that when he asked would you meet him the following day and you said you were busy with clients, that he took that to mean you weren't all that interested after all.
Saying no to him, could've sounded like an excuse.
If you want to see this other guy who seems to like you, you will probably be thinking about the first guy, and so you won't be able to give him your full attention. And he will be aware of that, as you will appear preoccupied, which comes across as not all that interested.
The other thing to consider, is if you block the first guy on social media, he could also think of it as a dead end, that it won't come to anything.
And if people see you speaking to them one minute freely, then shut them off the next day, they won't take you very seriously.
It will put doubts into their minds.
It might be a wise idea, to ease up on the frequency of going into social media, so you don't become so anxious.
And maybe, once a day, or every second day go on there.
And instead, fill your life up with interesting activities, so you are not so obsessed with what others are doing, or worrying if a certain person or persons have been on to read about your life.
It could seem to others like you were sitting on your computer, waiting and hoping for someone that you like, to go online at that same time.
In that case, there could be a lot of frustrating moments, waiting, waiting, waiting.
The more you do other stuff, the more doors you open in your life to some exciting times ahead.
You don't want to become dependent on seeing what others are saying and doing, in order for you to feel happy.
That will just make you very unhappy.
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