A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all... My current boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. I was really heart broken. So, I reached out to my ex-fiancé for advice. Him and I haven’t spoken in a year. My ex-fiancé told me he wasn’t in love with me and left me for his ex. His ex didn’t want him. So, he tried with me again I said no a two years ago. Anyway, I got back with my current boyfriend. My ex-fiancé got upset and began to distance himself from me. Him and I agreed to be friends. I asked him how he felt and he said he loved me but he’s not in love with me. Anyway when my ex-fiancé and I broke up he said he always wanted to be friends and I couldn’t do it.Now, that I can be my fiancé’s friend he began to distance himself from me. He began to ignore my calls and text. I asked him if he wanted to get back with me before I got with my current boyfriend he wasn’t responding. So, I got back with my current boyfriend. When I got back with my current boyfriend. My ex fiancé said he’ doesn’t see a future with you. And that he’s going to leave me again... it’s like I’m so confused my ex-fiancé always wanted to be friends . He also said he was in love with his ex from 5 years ago. I don’t understand why he is being such a douche and ignoring me. When I’m being his friend just as he always wanted.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 May 2020):
 You know there are more men in the world than your ex boyfriends, don't you? Why would you keep returning to them when you have already been there and it hasn't worked out? Exes are exes for good reason. Leave them in the past where they belong and move on with your life.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (13 May 2020):
 You DO realise that you did not have to choose one or the other? You do realise that?
I don't know why it is that you feel like you had to have either one of them and clearly you're not very serious about either one of them or there would have never been a chance with the second which leads me to this; you're wasting your time here. Truly wasting your time which you should regard as precious especially at our ages. I can't imagine wasting my time with exes. Exes are exes for a reason. I'm not sure if you're not yet self aware OR just plain uncomfortable being on your own and not on some guys arm. With that being said, you need to leave both of these guys alone because this is just messy. It's messy and you're delaying the inevitable. Perhaps get to know yourself first and love yourself enough to know that you don't need to run back to your old flames that have fizzled out to desperately try to keep any random one lit with the smallest little light in the hopes that it will grow over time. You can't run from one ex to another and expect it to make sense. I get it. Everyone wants to be adored. Self adoration is enough for some of us. It needs to be enough for you until you can find a suitable partner. Ask yourself, is it enough? You're certainly not ready for a relationship so give yourself a break and focus on other things. Stop trying to be friends with exes that you really shouldn't be friends with. Sometimes when you move on you have to leave some people behind... Exes should be left behind. Especially ones that you can't let go of otherwise, and would date again if you had the chance.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (13 May 2020):
 Wow, so much drama here! Breaking up and getting back with exes, what’s the point!? You’ve seen how much trouble this causes.
Get away from this full situation, block both of these guys and move FORWARD with your life. Stop moving in the same circles.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2020): Girlfriend...seriously?!!
Are you the proverbial "bad-penny," or what? You stick like fly-paper and you can't shake you loose!
My ex-boyfriend, my ex-fiance, my ex-this, my ex-that...what the heck?!!
You didn't get the memo? They broke-up with you because they wanted to move on...WITHOUT YOU! You forced them into friendships, they really didn't want; but they know you. You would probably keep begging and pleading; and emotionalizing or pouting until they had to. Finally, your ex-fiance has become tired of your drama!
Why would your ex-fiance want you to come dump your drama about an ex-boyfriend on his doorstep? He's done, and he is over you! He knows exactly what your more-recent boyfriend has gone through; because he's been there and done that! He ignored and dissed you; because he is trying to tell you his sympathies lie with your ex-boyfriend! As he expected, you were just going to take him back!
Stop recycling exes, and move on. There are better things to collect like stamps, coins, baseball cards; and antiques. Things that increase in value or become a good investment. You bury exes in your past, and move forward.
You are no longer a teenager, you are a grown-woman! Embrace it!
You are only clinging to useless forced-friendships with your exes; to convince yourself they didn't reject you, because you weren't good enough.
You think befriending people who've dumped you will re-validate you in their eyes. Breaking-up with you altogether and for good, is too hard for you to bear.
You fear feeling a sense of abandonment and rejection without them. Maybe you hate the thought of them replacing you; so you struggle to stay relevant in their lives. The underlying intent is to make your presence felt by any new relationships they should form with other women. Girlfriend, that is so pathetic and cliche! You're better than that!
Your fiance did what I would have advised him to do. Let-go of the past! Why hang-on to reminders of your failed past-relationships? It's like self-flagellation; punishing yourself for being unable to succeed in a romantic-relationship with a badly-matched partner. While beating-up on your heart in the process; and forcing yourself to watch exes move on with other people. Meanwhile, leaving you there pretending to want to be friends. You really want them to forgive you, and hope they'll change their minds and comeback. That is totally unhealthy, childish, and unrealistic.
Let's see if "comeback-boyfriend" is here to stay?
Now you're on your second go-round with your most-recent EX-ex-boyfriend.
Not without complications! Now you're concerned about your "re-breakup" with your ex-fiance?!! Well that ought to go-over well!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 May 2020):
 OP, you need to let exes be EXES.
They SAY they want to be friends because it makes them SOUND nicer, it makes them FEEL good to not just dump someone and move on. And some might even think IN the moment that they MEAN they can and want to be friends but in reality, exes are exes for a reason.
If you want to make friends, MAKE friends with people you haven't dated or have NO romantic inclinations towards because once someone develop feeling or feel slighted the friendships is fragile. That is not a REAL friendship.
KEEP romance out of friendships. And exes in the past.
You ex-fiance KNOWS that you ONLY reached out because you got dumped and wanted attention. Now that may sound harsh but let's be honest, OP. You didn't NEED or WANT his friendship until you ended up single and feeling alone.
I think you should FOCUS on yourself a while. On not relying on an EX for relationship advice. Or attention.
Also, STOP playing your exes against each other. I mean seriously? " I asked him if he wanted to get back with me before I got with my current boyfriend he wasn’t responding. So, I got back with my current boyfriend."
Are you for real?
If a relationship doesn't work out, DON'T go back to that ex later and try to rekindle something. Obviously, you didn't work out then and you probably won't work out now.
Take a little break from dating and learn to TRULY let go of an ex. It's not FAIR to anyone NEW you might date (in the future) that you carry around your exes pretending they are your "friends".
Pretty sure you wouldn't want to date someone who's best "friend" is an ex.
Time for you to GROW up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2020): Eh! Here's what I see;
Your current(now ex bf) didn't want you
SO
You want your Ex
Said Ex wants his Ex
This equals one big sloppy drama with nothing but heartbreak on the end of it.
What could you possibly benefit from having your ex as a friend? You've managed without him all this time so what do you need him for? Especially when he's treated you so appallingly whilst you're chasing after him for the little scraps he offers you.
Get some dignity, pull your socks up and forget both of them.
Be single - show the world you don'f need a man!
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