A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you get a girlfriend?At 36 I feel I really missed out and I dont see anyone coming in the foreseeable future as I still live with my parents and rarely go out. I cannot afford my own place and everyone I know has a girlfriend before sharing a house together it's a lot easier that way.I tried internet dating, speed dating, every single person I know doesnt know of anyone single apart from me it seems because I ask them to hook me up with someone and they dont know of anyone! So what can I do to get a girlfriend, having tried ALL the usual channels?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2015): maybe a dating coach?
A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (30 April 2012):
"You really want a situation where she wants *your* phone number, not the other way around."
Correction to my own ramblings: you want a situation where she wants to give her telephone number to you or that she asks for yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh thankyou so much Serpico. All I need is determination, well, that's that sorted. Excellent advice.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (4 April 2012):
Hey -
You may want to check out this thread....
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/at-36-what-do-i-need-to-motivate.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGlacier,
If I'm not talking, women tend to ignore me and talk to my friends instead. I have never so much as flirted with a woman, in fact, I'm not even sure what flirting is.
When I do ask questions to women I have been introduced to, I normally get one word answers and then they continue talking to my incredibly handsome cousin.
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A
male
reader, Glacier +, writes (3 April 2012):
You say you haven't had an appropriate opportunity to give your phone number and you have plenty to say.
You really want a situation where she wants *your* phone number, not the other way around.
You should listen carefully to a woman and show genuine interest . The question you should focus on is 'what can I ask' instead of 'what can I say'. Let her do the talking as much as possible.
Question: do you flirt with women at all? Make sure you feel confident first. Women sense that. Once you're confident you'll notice a major increase in succesfull flirting.
If you manage to flirt with a women more than once over time, then approach her and ask her questions about whatever she's doing and maybe something more personal after that, but don't rush it.
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A
male
reader, Glacier +, writes (3 April 2012):
You say you haven't had an appropriate opportunity to give your phone number and you have plenty to say.You really want a situation where she wants *your* phone number, not the other way around.You should listen carefully to a woman and show genuine interest . The question you should focus on is 'what can I ask' instead of 'what can I say'. Let her do the talking as much as possible.Question: do you flirt with women at all? Make sure you feel confident first. Women sense that. Once you're confident you'll notice a major increase in succesfull flirting.If you manage to flirt with a women more than once over time, then approach her and ask her questions about whatever she's doing and maybe something more personal after that, but don't rush it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK I understand everyones point. Forget for a moment that I am back living at home with my parents. Let's say that I was living on my own, as I have done for six years. I was desperately lonely even though I had work colleagues I used to kind of hang around with sometimes.How would you suggest I get a girlfriend in those circumstances? I am asking because I have never even been in a situation with a woman where it would be appropriate to give her my phone number, my cousin usually introduces me to women he knows and they tend to kind of ignore me after a friendly hello even though I keep up with conversation and have plenty to say. I have overheard 2 women say that im creepy and one woamn I used to work with told me that I creeped her out but she couldnt say why. No man I know has told me that I'm creepy when I've asked them. I just dont know what vibe I'm giving off.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 Maybe before worrying about getting a girlfriend you should worry about getting a life- a good life, a life that you can be proud of,that you can ENJOY and appreciate as it is, single or coupled. THEN , if you find the right person, she will be the cherry on top of the cake, but not the whole cake.
I say this because I think your priority should be changing job, or anyway improving your finances so that you can move out from your parent's home. Not because living on your own would authomatically find you a girlfriend , but because at 36 it's time to be on your own, and being self reliant gives you a sense of accomplishment that no romance can give you.
First things first.
Besides, yes, women are very suspicious of guys who live at home at 36. It may be unjust, it may be unfair, what with the current economy and / or special, personal situations, but, it is what it is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Move out of your parent's and get a roommate or two to offset the rent costs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni already moved out once before, I manged six years of living alone without my parents and I didnt find a girlfriend. So telling me to move out isnt great advice.
To anonymous male.
I excercise daily already and I have previously completed a course on theatrical and television makeup. So I already followed your advice for six years and no i didnt have a girlfreind after six months.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (3 April 2012):
A woman wants a man that can take care of himself so she knows he can provide for her too if necessary.
You need to move out. .
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 Honey, no one is going to want a 35 year old man who still lives with mum and dad. Time to figure out a way to get your own place. Get into things you like doing and then you will find someone that y ou have things in common with...
All tbe best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): If you follow this, the first relationship advice I've ever given to anyone who's not my daughter, you will succeed in love this year. The problem is, you're not likely to do what it takes.
1. Forget about getting a girlfriend.
This step is absolutely crucial to success. Each time the thought comes to mind, you must push it out. It gets easier. Notice I did not say "Forget about girls", that is simply impossible for a heterosexual male. Don't stare and think "Man, I wish she was my girlfriend!", glance and think "What a beautiful creature God put on earth!" and move on. Did I mention you're going to be very busy?
2. Exercise every day.
Start simple, but not easy. Average out-of-shape male? Do as many pushups as you can do, followed thirty seconds later by as many sit-ups as you can do. Then dance/box/flail, whatever keeps you moving, for 15 minutes. The idea is not to transform into Adonis, but to learn to love yourself for accomplishing something. Push yourself to do more everyday.
3. Re-direct and re-define your time, whatever you currently do with it. Complete a course concerning whatever interests you. Call post-secondary schools, community theatres, mixed martial arts dojos, animal rescue shelters, etc. If you're patient, go for a degree or certificate in something. Make sure you're putting new ideas into your head, not living amongst what's already there.
4. Get a notebook and organize all the facts pertinent to getting a place of your own. Build a budget that will get you there and stick to it. Figure out how to bring more money into your life. Clip ads for places that might interest you. Document your efforts, you'll want to share them with... nevermind, keep thinking about something else.
5. SEE STEP ONE!
At the end of six months, you can think about getting a girlfriend again. Thing is, you've probably already met her while you weren't looking. She's probably already sensed that she's met a guy who is confident and moving in the right direction with his life. And she'll be right. And you won't be shocked that a beautiful person wants to join the new you.
Let me know how it goes, if you're brave enough to do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Haven't you already written on here before? You tried moving out but couldn't keep up with the rent?
Did the answers you received not help you?
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