A
female
age
41-50,
*ngelgirl04
writes:So heres my dilema and I need some serious advice and opinions.I am a 33 year old female who is engaged to a wonderful wonderful man. the problem is the fact that I can't seem to enjoy my relationship with him because I am so obsessed with overanalyzing what true love is and what it is suppossed to feel like. We have been together for 8 years now and my guy is talking about us getting married. Technically I am engaged but I'm feeling gittery and discouraged about the marriage deal because I'm just not feeling that spark I did 8 years ago. Is that normal for it to wear off after awhile once you gotten to know the person for almost 8 years? I do love him and care about this guy alot but I'm not feeling that In Love rush thing as I did in the begining of our relationship. It's almost like I have that feeling of "Eh, Bored now " or alot of disappointment cause I miss those butterfly feelings and heart racing feelings you get in a relationship. I constantly start analyzing over whether or not I deserve this wonderful man or not as I do love him but I can't seem to understand why those In Love sighing feelings always fade away after awhile. Him and I just had a son together this January, On January 7th and I don't want my son coming from a broken up family because I'm always going to be chasing and looking for that rush habit. I also have two daughters from a previous marriage and I want to also set a good example for them as they are looking at me for guidance and will follow my leads and how I live my life most likely someday. I want to add that I also keep on telling myself I'm not good enough for this man in my life as I talk negativity within myself all the time, it's a very bad habit I've gotten into and I don't know how to stop. It's almost like I'm purposly trying to push him away and I don't mean too. I guess maybe sometimes I do it too test our true compatibility and also to see how I would feel if he wanted out. I can say that over the course of our relationship, I've been put in situations where we have fought so bad that he wanted out and threatened to leave many times through our relationship and I just sobbed and cried and pleaded for him to stay. That's when my true emotions come out for him as I can't see my life without him but why don't I get those tingling feelings through my body, Why don't I think and dream about him during the day like I used too is this normal over a course of time?I do want to be his wife but the question I have is it okay to still marry when you know you love the person, know in your heart you can't imagine life without that person but just don't have that In Love spark one initially had?Have some of you been through this?What is the real meaning of Love and Inlove?Is In Love a feeling or a choice?Can you still tech be in love even if those butterfly feelings aren't there I mean are there different kinds of In Love ways?Thanks for reading this I know it's long and I'm sorry for that but I need some support and thoughts on this issue please. Sorry for the length again but thanks.One last thing before I send this is I wanted to add that I don't want to be the type of person who hops from relationship to relationship because as I said before I have a terrible habit of always well I guess you could say I am addicted to that initial rush thing and the chase of getting that person and well you know what I'm getting at. I want to make my relationship work and I just need encouragement. For those of you that read this Thank you and for those of you that respond Thank you. :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): That initial rush is AMAZING and it's what keeps us looking for new relationships when every other one fails. It's a question of chemistry, it's literally how we are programmed to procreate! It's scary and exhilerating, fun and sexy and above all, makes us feel like nothing on Earth....
But it is temporary!!!! Yeah it's great and if you could bottle it and sell that feeling you'd be a millionaire! But that doesn't last for everyone.
Love isn't about those butterfly feelings overall. I think that's more luat and adoration. To me, real love begins when all that superficial stuff fades away and it's the substance you're left with.
That best friend, as well as lover who you can depend on for anything? Tell all of your secrets, hopes, fears, dreams to? The guy who you want to be alongside for the rest of your life? The guy whose babies you want to have? The person who you cannot imagine living a day without? Whose name is always foound in a sentance alongide yours?
THAT'S ALL LOVE!!!
It's when he leaves wet towels on the bed or floor and it drives you up the wall, but you can't stay completely mad at him for too long. Or when you just know he'll forget to get the right things on the shopping list but comes back with your favourite sweets, even if it means you then have to go back out to shop..... you get my drift!!!
Love isn't perfect; it's annoying and a little dull and boring sometimes! It's routine and a bit too easy to take each other for granted.
You can always spice up your relationship by having date nights again, doing things together like you used to, without the stresses of bills, appointments, social obligations....
You sound like you have a GREAT guy there! You keep hold of him, because loving and longlasting relationships like yours are hard to find.
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