A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am into a relationship with someone. I am madly in love with him and so does he love me.The problem is my bfs ex. They were into a relationship for quite a long while. This was long ago. Later they got over it and became good friends and still are friends. (She is going to get married soon.)Then after a couple of yrs of them having broken up, i walked into my bf's life and we fell in love head over heels and still are. But he really likes his ex, respects her and admires her completely. She is very well off, smart and is doing REALLY well at her profession and i am currently not.He expects me to know her, be friends with her and stuff. And i simply CANNOT make myself be friends with her and stuff. I dont even like it when he talks abt her. He is madly in love with me and she has someone else in her life - u may take that for granted. It's just that i cant come on terms with the fact that my bf likes his ex so much and expects me to be really friendly with her too! I told him that it is really difficult for me to be doing this and he understands completely but I want to see him really happy. How do i get over this...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): One of my bestfriends, is a guy. I've known him for almost 9 years... all the while he has always had a thing for me. His problem was, that he told every girl that he dated about me.. and how much he does or did care about me. The women in his life became very jealous over me and would not allow him to speak to me... but he always would. We are bestfriends! Okay, Now for my advice... One thing that you are going to have to remember... They are friends. Yes, they were in a relationship.. but something happened there that did not work. You are feeling insecure because you think this woman can take your man away from you. In reality, if she wanted him... She would still be with him! If you don't want to be her friend. Don't be. I understand how you feel.. but don't get mad over their friendship. Remember, if they wanted to be together they would and you wouldn't be able to stop it. The thing is they don't want to be together. That is why, he is with you and she's getting married to someone else.
A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (4 September 2008):
 You know he's *madly* (put more emphasizing in madly) in love with you and you're madly in love with him, so what's to worry? Why worry that she might (wich I doubt because she would have made the move a long time ago) steal your boyfriend away when you know he will never let that happen? Why make your insecurities get the best of your relationship?
You have to realize that these insecurities are your fault alone. He hasn't done anything for you to suspect him. She hasn't done anything for yo to suspect him, in fact, she's happily in a relationship of her own. Your problem is that the person he talks is a female. Would it have made a big difference if she had been a guy? I bet.
So, I support you on not wanting a friendship with her because that's your decision alone, but you gotta get over this! If you keep on doing this he might get fed up with it and/or give you ultimatums.
You gotta understand that he and his ex are friends and that's how it's going to be. You wouldn't like it if he told you he hated one of your guy friends just because you used to date him, right?
Ps. Miss sunshine, I don't tend to critisize other people's advise, but what you just suggested is called manipulation which is completely wrong in a relationship. And being two faced doesn't mean you're better than the ex, it just shows that you're an insecure person who can't realize that your partner can have friends with people of opposite sex. And also, it doesn't mean that this guy will not love her just because he will reject her order of talking to his ex, it just means that he's fed up of putting up with the insecurities and that he needs some liberty too. And how can an ex be an "enemy" when she might just want friendship? Please, get on with reality. The whole world is not against you.
Don't be surprised if your boyfriend dumps you for those same insecurities and manipulation if you keep on doing them.
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A
female
reader, Miss sunshine  +, writes (3 September 2008):
 well it seems that we have the same problem! and squiggel also.. haha.i am insecure and hate all my boyfriends ex... even those with who was just a one night stand. whenever we speak of our past and he tells me stories i get all jealous and want to explode. he had an ex (more like a girl that kissed a couple of times and i think they didnt had sex) and after that they keeped on talking just because her family and sister are really close with him. we had so many fights that at the end i told that i want him to stop talking to her and he did because he loves me so much. he wanted me to meet her but we never arrived to this point because we were fighing everytime he received an email from her. however if ever arrives a moment that we might all go out and she is there i decided i will be gorgous and really good with her to show how better i am from her. you know there is a saying "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". do the same thing. meet her and show her how great you are with your boyfriend. that will help you get over the "anger". if you cant do it tell him and he will undestand. and if that really bothers you and he loves you tell him to just stop all this contact and be a little less closer.you decide. anyway i'd love to hear how this worked out. hope i helped. :)
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A
female
reader, squiggle  +, writes (3 September 2008):
I have this same problem. But the way I see it now is - it's better if you're worried for you to sit down and meet this person - she's getting married so obviously happy and he's with you. Get to know what kind of person she is - my boyfriend got cagey when I started mentioning not wanting to meet his ex who is now a close friend. But now he's fine and I feel better. Also remember that what they had together is in the past - what you both have together is now and if you both play your cards right - forever. Hope this helps
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