A
female
age
30-35,
*arentalcontrol
writes:I need some serious help on how to get my parents off my back about my boyfriend. I am 18 almost 19, he is 24. We have been seeing each other since january. We met online (when i met him in person i had my mom come with me in case he was a creeper, luckily he wasn't) in the beginning of january this last year (10 months ago) and met in person in march. we had talked every single day without fail whether it be talking on the phone or texting, until he moved from his hometown to mine, 1800 miles away, in july. He moved here in order to be closer to me and to pursue a relationship with me. Since then we still talk every single day and my love for him grows daily. the downside of this is i'm only allowed to see him once a week, and i feel like all we do is "catch up" and talk about our week. Here's the problem.My parents feel that our age difference is too great, which i don't think it is, we are both adults and i've been told a lot that i'm mature for my age. I still live at home and my parents will only let me see my boyfriend once a week. about a month ago, my parents made me call him to break up with him but i couldnt do it. I can't just give up on the one man that treats me like gold, like a woman should be treated. This man is not capable of treating anyone bad he has the biggest heart in the world, and is so sweet to me. He tells me he wants to marry me and i want to more than anything. i am financially stable and he has a great job. Part of the problem as well, is my parents won't LET me move out. they literally stopped me and told me they would prevent me from moving out under any circumstances. I am transferring to a university 45 miles away from here so that i can be closer to my boyfriend and be away from home. (i'm also going for the school's amazing dental hygiene program) here's my question, how do i get my parents to lay off my dating life? they want me to date a ton of guys to make sure i found "the one" but i've already found him. i dated a whole heck of a lot of guys in high school, and i know what i want in a man, and he's it. he's got it all. what do i do?
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female
reader, parentalcontrol +, writes (14 October 2010):
parentalcontrol is verified as being by the original poster of the question I'm transferring this upcoming january
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 October 2010):
 Okay your update came after I posted so now all I can advise is for you to find a way to get your own place or get going on that transfer and move out. Your parents will get over all this need to control your life if you are no longer living under their roof. Some parents have to push the birdie out of the nest and some just keep hanging on to the tail feathers as long as they can.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 October 2010):
When are you transfering? I think that once you do that and are out of the house they will get used to your being on your own and will start untying the apron strings. Cindy has a good point however. Have they said anything other than the age difference that they don't like about your relationship with this guy?
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A
female
reader, parentalcontrol +, writes (14 October 2010):
parentalcontrol is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, i have told you the gist of the story. They like him fine. but like i said, they want me to date more people. he's a fine guy, he works at a very high paying job and just rented an apartment and bought a car. he shares my same religious values, my parents know him. along with our same values, he doesnt have a bad past, he is a genuinely good guy. my parents hate the age difference and they don't want me dating one person and one person only. i am not "blinded by love" i've looked at this from all angles. i have a great job, i'm getting an education, i can support myself. my parents told me straight up if i moved out right now to my own place, i'm out. but if i go off to university down south where i'm going, they're fine with it. that, i don't understand. also, look up the definition of "authoritarian parenting" that's how they work. they control my life. adult or not.. i wrote a paper on it just last week for my writing class. fyi
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 I apologize if I am wrong but I can't help feeling this is not the whole story. Mean ,unreasonable parents who want their daughter unhappy just for no reason at all belong more to soap operas than to real life. Maybe the real problem is not the (very reasonable ) age difference, but something else that they feel is a red flag. I don't say they must be right, I say that from a parent's point of view there are many things that will ring an alarm bell, which you, being in love, won't hear.
Maybe they don't like his past, or his reputation, or his
work ethic, or his spending habits.....something that is not relevant to you but it is to them. If you know what it is, then you'll be able to discuss it with them RATIONALLY ( not like " I love him, I don't care if he is an ex-con !" ) and to reassure them about the maturity of your feelings and intentions.
Regardless of that, you are over 18, there is no way that they can prevent you from moving out- it would be illegal. Maybe you feel that if you do, this is the final communication breakdown and you'll be disowned. But, 98% of times, this does not happen. When they see that you stick by your choices and are happy about them, they'll come around eventually.
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (14 October 2010):
Its not as if your parents wish you bad. They want the best for you. They might be concerned about several things. Firstly, he's a little older therefore theyre afraid he might influence you into some things you might not be ready for, or he might dominate you because he's older. Secondly, you met online so they might not trust him. They dont know much about him, ie his background, maybe even his parents. Youre still your parents' little girl and they love you, they want the best for you. You talked of being financially stable and wanting to move out but i'd advise you not to be in a hurry. If this bf of yours is meant to marry you, he will-just dont rush things. Dont ruin your relationship with your parents because of a guy you've met some months ago. I know i havent answered in the direction you wanted, but just chill and think rationally about this. Would your parents really wish you bad? I dont think so. What theyre doing is not for their selfish motives; its for you.
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A
female
reader, parentalcontrol +, writes (14 October 2010):
parentalcontrol is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry if anyone misunderstood, i would NOT be living with him, just near him...just to clear things up.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 October 2010):
You could show them this post. You never know, that might work.
More likely though, is that you'll just have to be a bit stubborn about it.
First of all, since you're over 18 and I'm assuming that means you're an adult in your state of America, it's actually illegal for them not to let you leave of your own accord. So they can't LITERALLY keep you there without you being able to call the police on them. (bit strong though)
Secondly, you could explain that though you're moving closer to him, you're actually not living with him (unless I misread your post).
Thirdly, I think that you've just got to say you're an adult and you need to be allowed to live your own life, because if they don't let you, you'll just do it anyway.
And if none of that works, just do it. If it's a mistake, then you'll learn from it. If it works out, then good for you.
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