| A
age
41-50,
*
writes: Okay, here goes. What do I do? I really need some solid, sound advice.I (first) met my girlfriend when I was 21 and she was 17. When I first saw her I fell for her immediately. She was beautiful. At the beginning I took her out. I courted her. Wined and dined. Did things the old fashioned way. But literally overnight I vanished out of her life. I didn't want to hurt her. Or for her to hurt me. I felt we were too young to have a proper relationship.... However I do know that I left her devastated.I didn't see her for years but we still kept some of the same friends, and I always asked after her.Anyway I'm now 31. She is 27. We met up again about a year ago. She was even more STUNNING now than when I first met her. She had went from being a beautiful young girl to the MOST STUNNING LADY I had/have ever seen in my eyes. One thing led to another and we became a couple. We were so in love with one another it was unbelievable. I can't describe it any other way but it was like something out of a movie. It was perfect.But a couple of months ago some people started a nasty rumour. This female contacted me telling me her boyfriend had slept with my girlfriend. Thing is they had quite a concrete story.... I believed them. I accused my girlfriend of cheating. I was so horrible to her. I called her terrible nasty names. I don't know what happened but I actually became a different person. I was like Jekyll and Hyde. I've never been like this in my life. Even my girlfriend said I was a totally different person and she didn't know me anymore. As a result we split up and she moved out and went back to stay with her Mum. I then found out that the rumours were just nasty horrible lies. Why did these people do it? I still have don't have the answer.Since then I have been trying to get her back. But she says she can't forgive me. All last week I sent flowers, balloons and gifts. I did up until Valentine's Day just to show her how sorry I was. When we first broke up she was telling me that she was never going to take me back. That it was totally over. Anyway we met yesterday. I went to see her at her Mum's. She told me she still loved me but it was totally over. The trust was gone. She told me she hated what I'd done. That she can't eat. She doesn't go out anymore and all she does is sleep because when she sleeps she can't feel the pain. She never thought I'd treat her like that and she was scared that if we fell out I'd act like that again. Even though she told me this. We kissed passionately, and it started to get heated. I'm not just saying this but it was the most amazing kiss I can ever remember having with her or even in my whole entire life. She stopped and asked me to leave. But even though she said it I knew she didn't want me to leave really. We then kissed another two times after that, and after the third time she went to her main door and said, "Right, you really need to go!". I thought it was best to go and I didn't want to upset her again. I told her how much I missed her and she told me she knew this because she could see it in my eyes. When I was at her main door. She told me maybe in time she could forgive me. But she didn't want to be with me, or anyone else for that matter. When I left and was walking along the street I heard a knock on a window. I turned around and she was there waving. I waved back and kept going.Anyway, she called me today to tell me she was going on a date on Friday night. She told me she had been speaking to a guy for a couple of weeks and that she quite liked him and she thought she needed cheering up. As you can imagine I wasn't very happy about this. I didn't freak out again. But I did tell her I wasn't happy about it. To which she replied, "It's not Friday yet!" started crying and hung up on me. I tried to call her back a couple of times but she wouldn't answer so I have just left it.What do I do? After she told me about this date I have this terrible pain in my chest. I have never felt like this before. Yes I have been in love before. Maybe once. But there's something inside me telling me this is the one. I know she is. Everybody knows she is. All our friendsand family can' t believe we have split up as they all thought we were meant for each other.I know this is all my fault and I hold my hands up to it. 100% this is all my fault. What do I do? How do I deal with this?She's told me there is no going back. But yet we kissed. Up until today we were texting and phoning each other still. But where do I go from here?Thank you to everyone in advance.
View related questions:
broke up, flowers, moved out, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Eilish  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 This won't be the end for you two. I have a feeling that people like you two are actually meant to be together. She couldn't have got over you that quick, it's impossible. I was in a situation like yours. I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half, then we broke up. Suddenly, he started dating this other girl, then they became a couple. I then told him that I loved him, but if he was happy I should respect that, and stay out of the way. We then went a few days without talking, but then as soon as you know it, he was at my door, picking me over her, saying that I was the one he really loved. If it can happen to me it can happen to you, if you are a believer in fate. But to me, meeting up years later, I think you should believe in fate. She's obviously still upset about this matter. She's probably going on this date to be cheered up abit, after she got accused of cheating and after her lonliness. If you two are meant to be together, you will end up. Trust me. You can't go on living your life knowing you love someone, but not doing anything about it. Hope I helped, and good luck, to both of you.xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): i will only appreciate the FLORIDA CAT GIRL comments. how beautiful she knit the things up. very good logic, mashallah. keep it up. i love intelligent people.
best of luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (17 February 2011):
 You’ve received some good advice from others, but I have a question for you. You said, “This female contacted me telling me her boyfriend had slept with my girlfriend. Thing is they had quite a concrete story.” Later, you stated, “I then found out that the rumours were just nasty horrible lies. Why did these people do it? I still have don't have the answer.”
Usually, people don’t make up stories unless they have something to gain, so this really troubles me. Would you mind telling us what kind of “concrete” evidence she had? If it was so “concrete”, why would you so easily dismiss the information when someone told you it was all a lie? Without knowing more, I would say you “wanted” to believe it wasn’t true, and you were looking for any reason to doubt the “concrete” evidence. Like I said, I would really need to know more. Hopefully, you will share that with us. I look forward to hearing your response!
...............................
A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 I too am with the most beautiful woman in the world I met when we were just teenagers. We are in our late 40s. We have both seen a lot.
"I then found out that the rumours were just nasty horrible lies. Why did these people do it? I still have don't have the answer."
I think they did it because they were jealous. I have seen this happen. Particularly with women. People see other people with true love and they become jealous. I also being around the two of you made them painfully aware of what was lacking in their relationship. Again, women can be particularly nasty.
Now, the love of your life wants you to restore her dignity. Be a man and do it. Again and again. She wants you to ask her out. She does not want to go out with that guy. He is a guy. You are a man. Got it? You're a man. Think it. Be it. Know it.
Ask her to dinner. Arrive at her mother's on time with the nicest looking rose(s) you have personally selected. Take her to the classiest restaurant you can afford. Dress the part and be the MAN you were in her eyes before you "stumbled". Make her proud of you. Love conquers all.
...............................
A
female
reader, katiebudge +, writes (16 February 2011):
 I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and I think she is still very hurt from what you did and that is probably why she is saying there is no going back. she clearly has feelings for you or she wouldn't have kissed you. I think you need to meet up with her for a date just take her somewhere nice then go back to either hers or yours and just talk, about everything, why you left, how you feel now, how she felt then and how she feels now and how you can both deal with it and try and sort it out. Even if you start off as friends thats better then nothing. but you both need the chance to talk to each other. once you've done that take it slow, pretend you've only just met each other be kind and gentle with each other. she needs to learn to trust you again. and i think your clearly in love or it wouldn't hurt you so much when you heard about the date. but whenever you feel like that remember, she is probably trying so hard to move on from you and i doubt she wants too. but you need to prove she can trust you. she clearly trusted you a lot but then you left so of course it would crush her. and you know you won't hurt her like it again but you need to prove that to her. she probably knows it too but she's being careful. I hope this helped, just keep trying and you both need to talk to each other thats the main thing to clear the air, then you can both move on.And the reason for the nasty rummours is that unfortunately this world is full of horrible people that cant stand seeing others happy, you have to ignore them, but now you know that that is what people are like, you need to trust your girlfriend thats what a relationship is based on. and if your scared of acting that way again, go anger management or counciling find out where the anger is coming from obviously it came from thinking she had hurt you but you need to find a better way of controling it. also doing this proves to her your trying to change.
...............................
A
male
reader, 3yearapartlove +, writes (16 February 2011):
i fight with my girlfriend that i love all the time(no i don't like fighting) but we always end up saying we love eachother and that we're both sorry about what was said... basicly just tell her everything.. exactly what you've said on here tell her... if she wants you back then she'll take you.. if not just slowly try to move on... i know it'll be hard but who knows... maybe if she finds out your going on a date she'll notice she loves you to.. that's all you can do... best of luck
...............................
|
