A
female
age
36-40,
*nfinite sadness
writes:Is there a way, i can block the memories of my dead lover? It hurts too bad to think of him. I remember his beautiful face and sweet, funny personality. And I miss him painfully. My heart aches so much for him. It's only been 2 months now. It's the hardest thing ever. And I try to forget him so that I can function and exist somehow. But my heart won't let me forget. He meant so much to me. I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, infinite sadness +, writes (5 September 2010):
infinite sadness is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your kind words. I have been so utterly shattered. Days I have thought, I couldn't go on. But It is getting somewhat better. I only wamted or tried to forget him because his memory makes me realize what I will miss. And his death has left me forever broken. I will take alot of your advices. And hope in time to find some peace. Until then I will mourn and grief sliently. And remain numb so that I can get through each day.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): oh how sad for you i dont know what i would do if i lost my partner i do know time is a great healer after losing my mum dad and my sister i know the feeling you feel you will never get on with life but you do i still miss my mum so much and its 11 years ago there are things id love to tell her i know she is with me all the time though and thats a comfort to me you dont forget but the pain eases as time goes on keep round people that love you that will help to not be on your own and just remember that saying time is a great healer i did not believe it at the time when some friend of mine told me that but it is take care..
...............................
A
female
reader, holliegeorgie.x  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 This brought a tear to my eye. If the person I loved died I wouldn't know how to go on but you will manage. Some day the pain will ease theres no way to just forget him, you'll never forget him. You loved him more than anything and now he's gone and it's hard to face the reality. It hasn't been to long yet but I'm sure it feels like ages. Try and go out more, don't mope around. Live the life he didn't get to live. One life live it to the full. Eventually you could meet somebody new but try all you can to move away from the dark empty world your living in now and eventually you'll begin to feel better. Be happy and sorry for your loss.
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (29 August 2010):
I know how you feel. My boyfriend of 3 years passed away 17 months ago. And I remember it like Tomorrow, but what you need is time, and being around people you love. I'm sorry this happened to you but to its a good thing to cry. Let it out and talk to people :) its the best way to help.
Smile and best of luck xx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Hi
So sad for what you are feeling like and only two months ago...so painful an empty feeling and unbearable you can't see tomorrow. Eight years ago i sat holding the hand of my then partner as he died. I can only say i know the pain is enormous and engulfing but you WILL come through this...the old cliche TIME is a healer. It's of no comfort now i know because every hour hurts , but it is true. Don't block memories but DO busy yourself it gives you a little respite then dedicate a prayer every night make this your special time.
I pray for your healing x
Spunkey Monkey.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Sorry that you are going through this, and my sister in law has been going through this for the last 1.5 years. Like many have written, time is the thing that will lessen the pain, as will some focused grieving work. Grieving at a loss such as this is normal, however, many of us don't know how to do it and need a bit of help. Seek a professional that does grief counseling, go and do the work. The relief is well worth it - and there is no need to forget your loved one.
I'm happy to report that my sister in law is now dating and happy. She still has bouts of missing her loved one, but they are short and she deals with them appropriately.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): I am sorry to hear of your loss. I don't think you can do anything to forget someone you love. And unfortunately, there is no way to make the pain vanish. It is something you have to go through, the grieving process. It is very painful, but it is natural. That doesn't make it any easier though, I know.
I know you will probably have heard a lot of people say this, but it will get better with time. It has only been two months, so it is bound to be very difficult right now. As time goes on, you won't forget about that special person. But you will start to accept the loss more, and you will be able to go on in life with them having a special place inside of you. And it won't be so painful - it will be comforting and reassuring.
I think you need to take it one day at a time. Try not to get isolated during this. Talk to friends and family about how you feel, and try and go out if you can, even if it's just for a walk somewhere. I don't know if this idea will appeal to you, but would it help if you wrote things down? When I was going through a similar thing, I used to write letters to the person I had lost, and put them away in a drawer. It made me feel less alone, and reassuring that I could still "talk" to them, in a way. Sometimes the letters were angry. I was angry that they were gone. Sometimes they were sad. Sometimes they were about random things I wanted to say.
It is important to accept your feelings, no matter how painful they may be. Instead of trying to get rid of them, allow them the expression they need. Cry if you need to, acknowledge that you feel sad, admit that it is difficult. Getting it out will make you feel better, it will be a release. Trying to bottle it up will make it harder. Everybody deals with grief differently, so give yourself what you need. It can seem scary to face how you feel, but once you do you will find it is okay, and that it is healing.
Once again, I am sorry to hear you are in so much pain right now. Keep going, it can get better with time.
...............................
A
female
reader, DiaryTruths +, writes (29 August 2010):
This is very sad but you just need more time.
It will help to try to keep yourself busy so that you are not thinking about him as often. Eventually you will be able to move on and keep the happy memories of him, but you need to give yourself time.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 August 2010):
 It will hurt, and why do you want to forget. It's the good times people share with us that is worth remembering. You're going to experience different stages, some easier than others, but there are always different stages when grieving. It's okay to go through the process, and is needed for moving forward. I feel you're in both the stage of being heartbroken and anger. I would recommend joining a support group, and share your grieving with others. Sometimes it's good to find your strength by being part of a group of others doing the same. The last thing I want you to do, is what you asked for, which is to forget. If you get to the point of forgetting, you're regressing, and that can be extremely harmful, because it's still there, only putting up blocks so it's out of conscious mind. Doing so will affect future friendships or relationships. It's okay to move on where you find someone else at some point. It's a new chapter in your life, and doesn't take away from or reduce the importance this man was to you. You can keep both chapters, and although different, with different people, they can both play a big part of your life experience.
I hope this helps. It'll get better, just don't try rushing it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 I'm sorry for your loss.
I don't know of any way you can block memories of your dead lover. Do you really want to forget him?
You don't need to forget, you don't need to stop loving him to exist and function. Remember him fondly.
Talk to someone, a close friend, a family member, anyone that you can just talk to, anyone who will just listen. You need to be happy right now and that may seem impossible but it isn't. Just let yourself cry until there are no more tears to shed.
For me, it helps to think that they can still hear you. It helps me to think that they're still watching and I can still talk to them. I know that there's no one there, but it helps me to think that they are. Good luck, I hope you are able to find peace. God bless you.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
