A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a married to a lovely wife with 2 fantastic children. I never thought cheating on my wife,never. But last January i met a single woman during a work project, we have a chat and we exchanged our phones. till there i was doing my job, nothing was wrong for me having her phone. but after she left i had a strange feeling and I told myself to not contact her but after 3 days she started sending me texts,i tried to avoid any contact with her but i was trap by own lust and we had sex with her,even an anal sex, i don't how but for sometimes i wanted to have anal sex with her. It's like a dream for me, I decide to end this affair we don't see each other everyday because she lives in an other town. what is the best way for me to end up this affair, i have to finish it before it finish my life, if i'm not finish yet.Second, do you think that i have to tell my wife about it? I know that by telling her, i will lose everything,her, my work, my kids. I'm so guilt that i cannot concetrate anymore. this things is so destructive that i cannot keep it in me.
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female
reader, dorothy2342  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 The moment you exchanged numbers with this woman you had decided to cheat. You cheated in your heart first. Confess your sin to God, ask for his forgivness and his help in healing your marriage. End the affain, tell your wife (you owe her that much), ask for her forgivness and seek marriage counciling. I hope she loves you enough to forgive you and she can learn to trust you again.
A
male
reader, uncutdan +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Hey Buddy,
Wow, so we have advice from someone telling you to follow Billy Graham's policy but also telling you to lie. Thats the contradiction that keeps me out of ANY church. Be a good person and do the right thing, thats what will clear your conscience and clear your sins if you believe in that. If you don't tell your wife you will live in paranoia that she finds out every day till you die. And if she finds out before you do, you will wish you were.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Sometimes you get a reprieve in life. Honesty usually is the best policy but sometimes it can be more destructive than sweeping it under the rug. If you have some trusted male friends, therapist or better yet, a pastor or minister, talk to them. Confide in them.
If you think by telling your wife and being honest she will forgive you for your transgressions you are fooling yourself.
Also pay attention to what the evangelist Billy Graham's policy toward contact with other women. He would never be seen anywhere alone with someone other than his wife or immediate family member. Also he would have men search his hotel room before he would enter. Sometimes you need to take precautions. In your case, do not be too friendly with co-workers.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 If no one else knows about the affair, no. You end this affair by not contacting her anymore. Tell a therapist, a male, please, not your wife. A therapist will help you deal with your guilt. Your wife will make you feel guilty for the rest of your life. One good thing that came out of this is that you know it's a bad thing. You will want to avoid having this headache again. Mentally you will make up for your wife.
You have to be honest with yourself. Do you still love her truly, in love with her?
I can bet you half of the people in the forum had cheated. Half of them told, half of them kept it to the grave. The results are mixed I guess.
Never regret what you did. Talk to a therapist now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): Just forget about it and make it up to your wife by being extra attentive and loving. If you have ended the affair then no need to tell her.
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Cutting off contact with the other woman is the easy part. Call her one last time and tell her to never contact you again, tell her it's over, then delete her number from your phone. If she tries to contact you, ignore it. Luckily you both live in different towns.
The tricky part is whether you reveal it to your wife or not. Part of me says you should because she doesn't deserve to be with a cheat, but part of me says that as punishment you should carry the burden of guilt.
So, on the one hand you can tell her. You can come clean and she may or may not want to stay with you - you don't know, so don't try and guess what she will or won't do. You may end up staying together to work things out, or you may part and start afresh with other people.
OR you can keep it to yourself and carry the burden of guilt. Because guilt IS a burden, and it will make you uncomfortable. And she will be ignorant unless she somehow finds out.
No one can make decisions for you, you have two clear options and you need to do what you feel is best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010):
Tell your wife the least you could do after doing this to her is be honest.
Sounds like you had a nice life before you cheated it's a shame you had to ruin it for sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): End this thing and do not tell your wife,as you said yourself you will loose everything try putting it behind you and focus on what you have and ensure you dont get into anything that will cause problems in the future,good luck
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