A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do I bring up my rape fantasy?I've been with my boyfriend for over a year, I trust him and love him but i'm a little scared about how to tell him i have a rape fantasy. He's told me his other fantasies and we do some pretty outrageous sexual activities. He's always been open about his ideas and i'm always open to try them out. He asks me to share my fantasy ideas and he know I have them but i don't know how to bring them up i get nervous and don't know how he'll react and don't know how i should word exactly what i want him to do to me. He has tied me up before so we have experimented with the idea of control a bit.if anyone could tell me how i should tell him that i want to act out a rape fantasy that would be awesome. I hate hiding and want to share it with him but i don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, theotherx  +, writes (21 November 2013):
Ok. I know that I am really late on this topic and have no clue if this will even be seen by the original person posing the question. This is more of a responce to those who offered their advice. Many people on this question missed the point. FANTASY. That's the point. For a woman to have a rape fantasy is very common. But first, lets define the word fantasy. A fantasy is the mental image or thought of something that is not real. You have a fantasy about flying like a bird, riding a unicorn, or having your face on the one dollar bill. A man having a fantasy about having a threesome isn't a fantasy if he wants to do it. Its just something he wants to do. Its a bucket list. A woman having a rape fantasy doesn't, likely, want to be raped. If she did, then again, not a fantasy. Its a desire. Its the play of it that makes it fantasy. It isn't real. It's pretend. That is a fantasy. If it is something you would like to act out safely, then it is a very normal and common fantasy. If a woman wishes to be raped, then that is not a fantasy. It is a desire. Fantasy and the desire for something to happen are two very different things. By all means, tell your significant other about your fantasies and desires. Just know which one is which and make sure they know as well. Your fantacy of being raped can be played out with great success with trust, understanding, safety, and imagination.
A
male
reader, sott999  +, writes (17 January 2010):
As a man I have never had a girl friend tell me about this fantasy however I think it is very common fo most women. I thik if you got down to it you would find that most me have simialr fantasies. The problem is that it is far more taboo for a man to admit this than for a women.
If you want to get your boyfriend to act this out there is three ways. As other posts have suggested you might just ask him to Rape you in the heat of the moment. If your boyfriend understands what this fantasy involves he may be fine with this.
I would think the use of the word rape would put alot of men off. It may be better to ask him to "force you". If you really can't bring your self to ask for this "which I suspect most women can't" then hear is a little techniqu to use.
Next time you are about to have sex try moving your hips just be fore he penetrates you. Wiggle around a luittle to prevent him from going in. Make sure you keep smiling while you do this and don't say no other wise you will piss him off. This should give him the idea to hold you down. It will also most likley send him wild. Once you have tried this it should give you a pretty good idea if you can take this further.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): I have a rape fantasy too...it involves a man hiding in my house and holding me at gunpoint. I am then ordered to strip and do anything I am ordered to do. This involves some very kinky stuff including masturbating in front of my assailant and him penetrating me with the gun. We use a toy gun. It usually ends with anal sex a facial...things I find very demeaning.
I love the fantasy of being helpless at the hands of a man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): This isn't a rape fantasy. You want to be dominated and put in a position of total surrender where you have no physical control and it's entirely down to your man what to do to you. This presumably means you trust him and know he wouldn't harm or mistreat you for his worth in gold. It's a submission fantasy, they're quite common and can be incredibly satisfying if acted upon. He has tied you up before, and I assume you enjoyed it.
'Rape' would involve beatings, brutalisation, torture and all manner of horrific things you don't ever want to be on the receiving end of. I think you're using the word a bit more liberally than most people would. Tell him you want to test your boundaries, and please try to find a different word than 'rape' to describe what you want, or he'll instantly recoil at the idea.
...............................
A
male
reader, Main Man +, writes (15 May 2009):
 The next time you are both together. Suggeset that you have an evening where you can both act out some of your fantasies together. If it goes well make arragements to do it again with any other fantasies you both have.
...............................
A
female
reader, Eli383 +, writes (9 April 2009):
This is a great question, because so many of us are trained to feel badly about having this fantasy. Many of the answers posted to your question only confirm that we are dirty or deranged for having rape fantasies. Some even described rape as a bloody or violent act, which it isn't always - sometimes it is easy to physically overpower the unwilling and have sex with them, without much violence or any blood at all. People seriously misunderstand rape.
As for having this fantasy, who is to tell you whether it is right or wrong? It is your fantasy, so F those who tell you you're calling it the wrong thing or that you're wrong to have it.
I do think you got some good advice here though, in terms of starting it off slowly by saying you want him to get rough or to dominate you. Then you can ask for more if you weren't completely satisfied by that. Take it one step at a time, have a safe word, and don't feel like you have to reveal the entire rape fantasy at once - just start with simple requests like "dominate me" or "show me who is boss!"
Feminism is about women having choices, and not having their choices limited by the fact that we're women. So a big giant F to those who try to tell you what you can and cannot fantasize about. Bah!
...............................
A
female
reader, pixeydust +, writes (25 April 2008):
 Technically it wouldn't be "rape" cause you can't rape the willing. I think that you are just wanting him to take charge. I want my boyfriend to do the same. I want him to surprise me, when he comes home from a vacation or work I want him to come home and slide inside me. Like I said though, technically it isn't rape.
...............................
A
female
reader, crunchapple +, writes (25 April 2008):
I have always had "rape" fantasies or as some put it "being controlled and ravashed" fantasies. I recentley read that it is one of the top 3 female fantasies so just know that whether you choose to tell him or not, it's a very very common fantasy. My guy goes nuts with thrill over every fantasy I tell him and is furious about the one's I keep to myself but I just don't always have the nerve to tell him "all". Good luck and have fun.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): well i think most of the answers here would have been utterly unhelpful to you problem.
true a fantasy rape is not a real rape, real rape is bloody and harsh
but u can be 'raped' persae by your boyfiend, im guessing what your after is for a mock rape where u are not seriously hurt, but made to feel submissive and without control.
that is fine, but beware he may not be into it, the best thing you can do in my opinion is to just tell him u want him to control u completely and utterly and for him to mock rape you, then, as suggested previously, have a code word, mine with my boyfriend is "mothballs"
it has to be something you wouldnt normally say in sex or any other time, something that has a definite and real meaning and cannot be mistaken for something else.
and always, HAVE FUN
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): well...don't listen to this K.K. person here. She is a victim of rape-- she shouldnt bother posting negative thoughts on your love-life. She should just ignore it.
BUT! on to your question:
Its fun to explore awesome new fantasy sex acts with ur lover. One of my girls actually just said "I want you to rape me" (which is not the definition of rape since its consensual.) I was just really turned on when she asked...and we kinda just shot back and forth what we wanted out of it...created a 'safe word' ours was "pineapple"...dont be dumb and use "STOP" or "NO" because you'll be screaming that during ur session. Sex should be fun-- so make it fun by finding out what you want from your rape fantasy...than...dont go straight into it...tell ur boyfriend/girlfriend that the rape fantasy needs to be a surprise...repeat..dont do it right after u agreed...you'll lose the actual spark of that roleplay. More questions? feel free to AIM me...LASOMBRAPRINCE24
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): I would like to correct the label 'rape' fantasy to a "being swept of your feet and no longer having to think about it" fantasy to avoid the association with real RAPE.
If you got a REAL rape fantasy, then you are sick and need to seek help. Real rape would involve you being beaten possibly till you die. Being cut, teeth broken etc etc.
What most FANTASY rapes are about is about just giving in.
Lets ask the men, would you consider a fantasy where a woman just walks in and has her wicked way with you rape? Hell no. Even if she ties you to the bed posts and rides you? Hell no!
What this fantasy is that you can ignore the rules of society, for men it is that we have to be the one who initiate sex, have to take the risk and it is nice to imagine how it can be different.
For women the pressure of society is to have to keep their knees together. You can't just let any men have his way with you. The FANTASY rape fantasy allows you to do that, to just be a sexual object to be enjoyed (and enjoy) with no guilty feelings.
If your rape fantasy doesn't include you having to spend time in a hospital for stiches and calling your insurance agent to see if you are covered for new teeth, then you do NOT have a rape fantasy.
You might as well call watching a horror movie a being murdered fantasy or a rollercoaster a being in a fatal car crash fantasy. We really need more words in our language.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Thanks a lot everyone that's really helpful.
And to anyone who's thrown by my fantasy we'll there's plenty of other fantasies that are more outrageous and dangerous than mine. I've known my boyfriend for a long time even before we started dating we trust each other with everything and this is the only thing i have not told him a bout yet
I'm not asking to be abused and treated badly but to be dominated and feeling no control.
THANKS again.
...............................
A
female
reader, HoneyBee25 +, writes (13 March 2008):
 I simply cannot understand why you would fantasize about being raped! Isn't this one of the worst experiences a woman can have.....I'm sorry sweetie, but don't even go there - try and channel your energy into something else. You know what they say.....be careful what you wish for!! Take care!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Oddly enough, I was date raped for my first time, and I'm really into the rape fantasy ^_^ Luckily my boyfriend is too, but...he was raped when he was younger by a male cousin of his.
Huh...Odd...I never considered that before....
Anyways, I just suggested he tie me up, and he liked it...so I told him to call me his bitch...and to slap me around....and to choke me....anyways, all of these steps were slow in the taking, but he loved every single one of the suggestions, and he added things too. For instance, he likes to "rape my mouth" in public, and he video-tapes himself raping me ^_^ That sort of thing
Anyways, you've just got to hope that he likes it too, I guess.
...............................
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (13 March 2008):
 As an actual rape victim i dont really understand how anyone can have this fantasy but i gues its diffrent when its not actual real rape.
But that being said just tell him what you want but tell him to wait till you give him a sign of when (makes no sense but this is just an idea)because its still consented sex but you want to be suprised and made to feel as if you have no control send him a text one day that says "do it today" that way you havnt planned it but he knows you want it so its all a suprise to you.
It may sound really silly but the idea of your boyfriend coming in grabbng you and having sex with you when you havent consented could actually be a bad idea you might of had a bad day or had bad news and not be in the mood and if your syaing no he might just think its the game.
...............................
A
female
reader, mandabaaby  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Okay, so do not listen to "Ask Oldersister" because she's wrong. If you have been with your boyfriend for over a year then I'm pretty sure that you have talked about more serious/gross/happy/sad/sexual stuff other then being raped. I had the same sexual fantasy. And no you dont have this fantasy because your boyfriend bores the shit out of you. That is utterly stupid and unthoughtful. My boyfriend and I were talkin naughty to eachother one night and all of a sudden he pushed me on the bed and laid on top of me, I whispered in his ear " be rough with me, make it like a rape to me " Most guys like rough sex because it tells their girl that they have control. Just open up and tell him, because who knows he could surprise you with the act or all of a sudden jump your bones. You please him with sexual fantasy now its his turn to return the favor. He'll love hearing that you want him to take control and to ravish you. If I was a guy I would love to hear that because that would mean that you want me to prove to you that I'm the dominate one. But hey what do I know all guys are different right... Yet they all watch the same porn on the net ???
Feed me with a follow up
--mandabaaby
...............................
A
male
reader, 17Irish17 +, writes (13 March 2008):
My girlfriend had this same fantasy. The way I found out was by accident. When ever we made love she always wanted her hands above her head and my holding them. She liked being tied up and she would tell me to do what ever I wanted to do to her. I finally asked her it sounds as if you have a fantasy about being raped. She confessed she did so we role played. We didnt do any thing violent, but we talked after and made changes. It was quite interesting how it made her easier to talk about it little by little once the general premise was out there.
Maybe during a round of hot passionate love making tell him to take control as if he were raping you. Then discuss the next day what you enjoyed or what he could do different.
I am sure there are many ways to approach this subject because it is so taboo in our society. There really isnt a completely right answer. You have to feel good about your approach.
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Just tell him! I went with a girl for over 3 years and did not know about this fantasy/fetish of hers until her mother called me and told me about it....2 years after our breakup.I was both surprised, but willing and eager to help her out.The girl was depressed and though we had remained friends after our breakup, I had not talked to her in about six months. One evening her mother called me and I drove the 11 miles to her new apartment. Once there , the mother explained the depression she was going thru and told me about hte girls fantasy/fetish. The mother supplied me with both a ski mask and butcher's knife. I climed the fire escape and went in thru a window and ....well....I made her fantasy into reality. It was fun...new...different for me.It made her very very happy, though I still think it's a little too weird for me to do on a regular basis. I've done this fantasy for 9 different females. Too be truthful, it's only pretend, because the level of violence that goes with a real rape is not there and should not be there. Tell your boyfriend about your fantasy and maybe he will help you realize it.... Good luck to you!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Funnily enough, I have this exact same fantasy, but I'm selective. My fantasy involves Holly Willoughby, Katie Price, Linda Lusardi and Fern Britton.
Maybe your boyfriend will be up for a bit of role play but I'd be very careful how you explain it to him otherwise he migh get a littl too carried away, and that might not be as pleasant as you imagine. As a safety measure, you'd need an agreed 'keyword' that, when uttered, means "Stop!"
...............................
A
female
reader, youngandconfused90 +, writes (13 March 2008):
 I had the same problem and fantasy
I didn't tell my bf for a year and a half and then one day i just finally blurted it out. I told him i wanted him to be rough and use force. He smiled and he was just thrilled i finally opened up. I was really glad i said something because after it was said we had the best sex ever.
Just take a deep breath and say it, there is no great moment but When he starts talking about one of his fantasies smile like you have something to say and when he asks "what?" just tell him. It will pay off. Im sure this guy just wants to please you.
Good luck and don't worry the longer you wait to tell him, the longer you wait for that amazing sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Rape...definition:the act of seizing and carrying away by force.
Now, if you want to put on some slinky outfit and tease him and tell him you want to have him rape you, then do so!
If he refuses, the respect that and forget the idea. Do the idea. Do other enticing things to enjoy sexual inuedoes, but don't force the issue or you may end up with a situation you'd wished you'd never started.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Hi,
I can never understand this fantasy, because he is your boyfriend, and you are willing so how can this be classed as rape anyway.
Despite the real thing being the most awfull experience a woman could go through. Its not about the sex is it?, its about the power of an animal over a human.
I am not saying that you shouldnt act out your fantasies with your boyfriend, but I would be carefull who you say this to. I doubt that most women would understand you wanting to go through this experience.
Bondage is one thing, but this is another.
...............................
|
