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female
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anonymous
writes: hello, i am a 23 year old girl who has been with my boyfriend for 1 year and a month. we get along amazingly and have a trustful relationship. the problem (which really isnt a problem exactly) is that i want to spice up our sex life, by having a threesome with another woman. i dont believe im bisexual but i do believe in trying everything once because you only live once right? so im just wondering how to approach him about this because he is kind of conservitive in bed. im afraid he'll think im completley peverted or worse that im not satisified with him (i am!). is there any opinions on how to ask him? for the record, i know threesomes at least appeal to him in movies, but he's just so shy. thank you!
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female
reader, Skeez  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 i personally think that you shouldnt have a threesome. If hes the shy guy he may be very offended when you ask him if he wants to. And plus, now, Im guessing you think you will feel ok if he had sex also with another woman in your bed while you are there wathing, but if u really did love him, seeing your boyfriend kiss and have sexual intercourse with another woman is going to backstab you eventually. You have a great relationship and great trust, you should keep it that way. dont ruin it. If you want to spice up your sex life, try new positions. Blind folds, handcuffs, perhps renting a hotel room and get the romantic mood going.
If you really want to have a threesome then just keep in mind the consequences you could hve later on with your feelings.
Good luck
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (3 March 2006):
 if he is shy and conservative then maybe this wouldnt be the best idea, not all men like the idea of thier woman with someone else regardless of the gender of the third person and even if you could get over the image of him having sex with another woman he might be able to get over seeing you having sex with someone else.
its one thing in a fantasy (and maybe it would be a turn on for you to "dirty talk" with him about it instead) but the reality in the cold light of day might be a little less appealing.
just for an example when i was with my ex we used to "talk" about "stuff" while making love but almost straight after orgasm i felt really uncomfortable and maybe a bit upset about what was suggested so i knew straight away that if it actually happened then i would be feeling a million times worse at that moment and thats when i decided to make a concious desicion to kepp somethings to fantasy.
of course some people are fine with it all , but what you wrote about your boyfriend sets off alarm bells and i just wanted to share these thoughts with you before you make this big decision
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2006): You could just ask him how he feels about lesbians or bisexual women and see what he says.. Or maybe you could rent some porn (with a threesome in it) and sometime during it ask if that turns him on at all, and if he doesn't say no, ask if he'd ever want to have one (with you) and see if he would want to give it a try and if it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out, after all, you said you wanted to TRY one. Just tell him that you'd like to try everything once because you only live once. And if he's to shy to talk about this out loud, write what you want to say in a letter and ask him (in the letter) if he'd be more comfortable if you and him communicated through letters instead, and not talk about it out loud, just through letters, you don't even hav to hand him the letter, you could put it in a place he's definitely going to see it. I hope you understand that.
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A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (2 March 2006):
 Hmmm... well, I think I agree with most everything everyone else has said about this one. But you also should establish boundaries. Maybe a threesome might not work for him, but maybe seeing you kiss another girl would be a turn on for both of you. You don't have to go "all the way" in order to have fun with your sexuality. Because if you do, it may cause problems between you two and it sounds like you have a good relationship. Just talk with him about it a little and see if he would be open to at least exploring the option of it or some aspect of it. Maybe the two of you could go to a strip club and you could tip some of the girls and flirt with them and see if it seems to excite him. If so, then ask him if he is willing to take that extra step with someone you both feel comfortable with. Just make sure that he knows you are just being a little adventurous and that he really does make you happy. If you are not bi, and he is not cool with it, then why bother messing up a good thing over it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): Threesomes are not always for everyone but they do appeal to a lot of men (and women) You mention he has conservative, shy tendencies, so I would approach this subject, with respect and care. You know him best-just get a feel for his moral boundries over this before asking him, outright. Some people do fantasize about this, but they keep it in their mind as just that...fantasy. You just have to figure out if he may want to make it a reality. Just remember, people can be very incredibly territorial especially with our love relationships. My concern would be, how would 'you' react seeing him make love to another woman? This is what makes threesomes, foursomes, etc a difficult balancing act. I have heard of many couples trying this and it can work on a long-term basis but it can also blow the relationship apart. When intimacy is shared with other people, it often becomes diluted...it loses that special meaningfulness because it's no longer an exclusive act of initmacy between just two people. Just something to think about.
So I would broach the subject carefully- feel him out. Bring it up for discussion, perhaps telling him 'this is a fantasy of yours and what would he think of ever trying it?' There is no particular way of asking him except to come out with it, honestly and openly. If he doesn't want this, he'll let you know. Whatever you guys decide though, good luck with it. Take care
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A
male
reader, GLforever +, writes (2 March 2006):
 As a male, it should be easy for me to answer your question. But, I find it hard to understand why a man would not be thrilled at such an offer. If he rejects your offer, then you have some serious thinking to do. I find it difficult to comprehend how someone as sexually adventuresome as you would not be frustrated in a relationship with a man who would turn down a threesome with another woman. I don't mean to disparage your boyfriend - I don't judge a person by their sexual likes or dislikes - it just seems there may be a real "compatibility" issue here.I don't know how much you and the other woman would like to do with each other during this threesome, but maybe you could ask him this: "Would you like to see me kiss another woman - I mean REALLY kiss her..."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): Are you really going to want to watch him be in bed with another woman? I don't think it's a good idea because it may be hard to get that image out of your head and it may damage your trust in eachother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): DONT ASK HIM... FIND THE GIRL U WANT and TRUST and HAVE THE 3 OF U GET TOGETHER SOCIALY, THEN JUST LET THINGS FLOW !!!
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