A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hey all, yes, by Christ it's me again.As a lot of you know, this is my situation:2 years relationshipCoped with distance of 200+ milesEnded just over 3 weeks ago, suddenly.There's been some development over the past couple of days. We've spoken using an instant messenger a couple of times, and everything is fine until I start trying to talk about our relationship/break up.She's witnessed this before in her best friends relationship that finished some time ago, and a long time after that ended, her friend ended up never speaking to her ex ever again. Obviously I don't want this.She has shown that she still wants to be friends, so I need to learn/remember how to just be a good friend. How do I go about this? I still love her very much, and am still very confused by what's happened to us, but if just being a friend will keep me in contact with her, I'll do it without question.Any advice on how I make the plummet from Boyfriend who'd do anything to make her happy, to just a good friend?
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male
reader, Jonty +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Andy I have only just realsied this is your question, check your mailbox next time your logged in, I sent you a reply before I read this.It mentions that I never really got the just friends business, because i would find it complete agony to just be friends, as eventually you have to sit back and watch each other get together with other people, and then the friend thing comes to an end anyway, because the new partner(s) don’t like the idea that you are still friends with the ex.It's one or the other with me, but obviously everyone is different, thats just my opinion.
A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 July 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Oh, I'm not closing the discussion, just my last post before I dragged it out too much further. Sorry if I was misleading. And don't worry, I'm not offended or anything, I understand what you were saying.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Don't close the issue just yet. Mine is only an opinion, and I did not intend to be judgmental or mocking, but to make it light for you. I know what you're going through. Wait until other people have made their comments. You know, they often bring new angles to the same situation. You benefit from the words of everyone, even from opposing points of view.
I wasn't aware you were separated by miles and miles. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 July 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. For the record though, as I say, we are separated by miles and miles. The likelyhood of us even ever being in eachothers presence again has decreased dramatically, let alone her ever kissing somebody in my presence.
But yes, you're right, contact should be limited, and it will be to a certain extent. I don't even like the thought of her getting with somebody else just yet (and I doubt she will want to either, again, just yet), and I know that if I ever will be ok with that, it probably won't be for a while.
Anyway, before I continue much further, I'll close by saying thanks very much again for your advice.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (18 July 2007):
You should find yourself a job in the Army as a minesweeper. You do like to put yourself in difficult situations. But, I understand your issues, and I'm here to help.
It will hurt like hell to be her friend if you still love her. This is not what you want; and she might feel pressure from you even from innocent actions on your part. You will need a lot of self-control to double check your actions and never think as a lover. What would happen if she fancied someone else and they kissed in your presence? You would need a lot, a hell of a lot of self-control. It can be done, however.
I think your best course of action would be to remain friends, yes, and then keep in little contact with her until you move on.
I'm with you. You're a good guy.
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