A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've been with my girlfriend for a couple of years now. she moved to a different state to be with me. to me, i see us as a family now. she has a son that i've taken on as my own. so to me, when things happen, we should look to each other for support, like families do. but the problem is that every time something happens, she wants to run back to her home town and be with her parents and grandparents. and it's very upsetting. take for example this situation. she had a bad car wreck yesterday and her son had to go to the hospital. he's okay, just needed a few stitches. but her car is totalled. so rather than us coming together and getting through this as a team, she's running home to be with her family. and don't get me wrong, i think it's great her family is there for her like that. but my point of view is that she could just drop me off at work and use my car until she gets a new one and gets back on her feet. that's what happens when you have a serious, committed relationship. when push comes to shove you fall back on one another and rely on each other.she just doesn't understand that it's so upsetting and insulting she leaves every time she needs something or something happens. i'm here for her and would do anything for her and she knows that. she moved out here to be with me, yet she obviously doesn't feel at home out here with me and wants to leave every possible opportunity. i just don't know how to handle this situation. maybe i'm over reacting, but i know how upset it makes me feel. i even considered marriage with this girl but can you really marry someone when you can't be a team together? advice please.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 April 2011):
 have you talked to her about it? calmly, when you are not upset and she's not leaving....her parents are her primary long term known support system... not sure how long she's been with you or how old she or her son are... but blood is thicker than water.you need to tell her you want to be her primary support and you need to SHOW her that. IF you love her and her son so much, a proposal may help.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (29 April 2011):
 Her parents and grandparents have always been her support system, always there for her when she needs them. Never waivers. She knows that she can count on them for anything and perhaps she isn't aware of what she is doing by running to them instead of talking with you.
I am 21 yrs old and I have a two year old son, when I started my relationship with my fiance 3 years ago I had the same problem. I had never been in a serious relationship before him, my son's father used me every chance he got and dropped me when I wasn't useful. My fiance showed me that's not what he was about. He showed me that I could trust him and believe me it took awhile for me to come around to that.
Her son getting into a car accident, even though he only had a few stitches, was probably very traumatic and reality shattering for her and she wanted the comfort of what she knew. My son was in a rollover because my sister's idiot 16 yr old bf thought it was cute to play around with my son in the car.
I think you need to sit down and talk with her. I don't know if you have done that already, but do it again. Make sure that you reinforce that you are here for her and her son and you love them both. She can tell you anything, it's a safe place with you and you understand that she has a wonderful support system, which is awesome because most people don't have that anymore, and you need to be included in her actions/thoughts because you are a family.
If she has concerns or worries it's okay to talk to you about them and you won't judge her. You guys can get through anything as long as you're together.
I think it's awesome that you took her son as your own, my fiance did the same with my son and it's rare that you find real men like that anymore. Just let her know that you're here for the long haul.
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A
female
reader, Quirkay  +, writes (29 April 2011):
You don't say how old your girlfriend is, but I am guessing she is still in her early twenties if her grandparents are around? I would hazard a guess that she is missing her family and that is why she goes to see them when she is upset or something happens. You say you have been with your girlfriend for two years now and have taken her son as your own, but haven't popped the question? I would love to know why! Have you spoken to her about how it makes you feel when she does this? Maybe she doesn't know that you would be lent on by her in times of difficulty? I think if you love her, you have to appreciate that you have known her for two years, they have known her 20+ years ... Good luck mate - hope you two sort it all out.
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A
female
reader, EtTuBrute +, writes (29 April 2011):
 Have you discussed this with her? I think you should. There could be a number of things causing this to happen. Since she's really close to her family, she could be afraid of hurting them by "not needing" them or perhaps she's not ready to "leave the nest." My point is that you won't know until you talk to her.Sit her down and tell her that it hurts you when she runs to her family for everything but never to you. Tell her you really like her family but sometimes, you want to be the one she runs to when she's in trouble because you care about her and love her too.I think it's great that you want to be there for her. Did you suggest letting her use your car? Or did she run off to her parents before you got a chance?
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