A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 39 yr old woman, who has been in state care and also sexually abused, physically abused and mentally abused. I recently took one of my abusers to court and he got off. Since then my health has spiralled out of control, i have a personality disorder, social phobia and depression. I have another court case to go and wondering if i should go through it again. I dont want him to get off as he has been in jail for abusing a child before. Just wanting to know if anyone else has been through this before and been to dbt therapy groups and if they help as well as medication.I have many mental obstacles to overcome as i have been abused from 4 months of age. I have professionall help but think i will never get better. I have alot of anger towards my parents, dad deceased, mother knew of abuse but did nothing, welfare suspected abuse, but did nothing and my offenders. Am i the only one that thinks the justice system is so messed up and protects these sex offenders. welcome feedback. Cheers
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female
reader, Julliet  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 Firstly, You can choose to forgive these losers that offended you secretly(in you mind that is) they don't have to know you forgive them. This will help you progress mentally.Secondly, going to court and taking this person to justice is helping other children. You are doing a brave and good thing for others. If this monster is sent to prison then he can't hurt another. My dear an eye for an eye is if you yourself physically hurt this person; however, you are doing justice for many innocent victims in the past and present. Pedophiles to are the pure essence of evil. We the victims have to take that power away from them by going through the justice system. Lastly, take your power back...:)...you've already started by not letting him off the hook. This is great news. I admire your bravery. I wish all the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): I personally like that African tribes way of dealing with it.
But seeing as that option is not available to you OP then I think you need to keep fighting to get your justice, so go to court with your head held high and fight to get this guy taken down for what he did.
The last court case might not have been successful in a legal sense but you still earned a victory OP, you still fought back against this guy. You still put him in the public eye and held him accountable for what he did. That takes courage, that takes spirit and it is a reason to be proud of yourself, not disappointed in defeat. Because you stood toe to toe with this guy and you fought, losing the case was not a defeat, you can never lose when you stand up for yourself because the very act of doing that means you've won no matter what the outcome. He may not have gotten punished legally but you dragged all he did back up, made it public and you made sure he didn't get away with it. The judicial system is not the only form of punishment OP, everyone in his life will know what he did, nobody looks at a person that was even acquitted of such a crime the same way again, you see on paper he might not have gotten punished, but just like that African tribe, our society has it's own way of punishing people like that. A prison sentence is merely a bonus in my view.
You've been fighting to overcome what has happened to you your entire life. Well this is your time to put some of that fight back onto the people who did it. This your chance to get all of this back out, to put it out there and people like this don't get away with this kind of stuff even if they never spend a day in jail. Just by doing this you are getting justice. Don't give up, there is nothing in life we can't overcome.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 You know I think it's great when people are all about forgiveness for people who have done evil. I believe that God's judgment will be just for the sins created on earth.
Someone who could condemn 6 million people because of their religion cannot be redeemed and has to be truly evil. There is a tribe in Africa that believes that if someone does you wrong, murders your family rapes you or whatever, you bound their hands and feet and sink them into a river. IF you dive in after them to save them, then you have truly forgiven them and if not, well that's their sentence, to drown.
As a mother, if someone harmed one of my children, I don't think I could have it within my power to not seek revenge in it's highest form.
I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. I would join a meditation class, possibly some counseling. I believe that the justice system isn't really justice at all in some cases. Just depends on who has the better lawyer. If I had it my way, sexual offenders, especially those of children, would have their weapon removed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): NO lady you are certainly not the only one. Sex offenders here in Belgium get off way lighter than in Aus, it's even worse here. Convicted child rapists get maximum 5 years! YES 5 YEARS! figure that one out.In general, the offenders welfare gets taken far too much into consideration. Their welfare shouldn't be taken into consideration at all, they lost the right to this privilege the moment they started their sickening crimes.A proper conviction and punishment of the offender is exactly what the victim needs in order to heal.I am very sorry that the welfare services never came to your rescue. And it makes me angry to hear that your mother didn't protect you like an angel. Just because the things that happened to you when you were a child occurred many years ago, doesn't make them any less relevant. Unfortunately time doesn't heal these things. It's kind and loving people which will help you heal.You have my deepest sympathy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): I dont think they are protected as such but i do feel there are times when 'justice' fails us. Could you request a retrial? Or search for others that might have been abused by the person who was let off and bring a new case against him? With the next court case. Do go ahead with it if you feel strong enough, dont be put off by the outcome of the previous trial.You are a true survivor. That is something you should be very proud of. If you havent tried counselling yet, id strongly advise it. You have to discover a way to let go of the hate. Its a very difficult thing to do but if you can achieve that, you will gain a peace of mind which will make you feel so much better. My partners story is very similar to yours. As a child, he was sexually and emotionally abused by his stepfather. His mother knew but did nothing because she was 'ill' and the stepfather looked after her very well. My partner brought a case against his stepfather a few years ago but the stepfather was let off due to insufficient evidence. Despite the fact the man had abused two other members of the same family and the 3 of them had taken him to court. MP tried medication for depression and social anxiety but it didnt help. It just masked his emotions and made him feel, in his words 'zombified'. Now he has learnt to talk about things when he needs to and that has helped him a great deal. So if you can find a self help support group near you, a good counsellor and start talking, it might make a big difference. MP also wrote his mother a letter setting out everything he felt he had never said to her but should have done. He took it to her home a few months ago and insisted on reading it out to her. She immediately removed him from her will! But he didnt care because the sense of release it has given him....money cant buy. So if you harbour thoughts you feel you need to share with your mother, share them with her. Things will get better for you, just keep faith in your ability to overcome. Safe hugs.
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female
reader, cupidus +, writes (29 April 2011):
 I had a conversation with my mother about Hitler.She said "Oh, that evil, vile man is in hell where he belongs"To which I thought and said."I want him to go to heaven, into the light"My mother looked at me all worried and frustrated and asked,"Now why in the world would you want that, god will not allow him into heaven""But mom, wonder if we go into the light and Hitler is there too?""How could that possibly happen, god will punish him in hell""Well, I will forgive him, because if everytime I curse and accuse or hate someone for their evil, then they go to the dark side. The darkness gets majority, the darkness gains power and the dark side prevails. If I forgive and send them into the light, goodness wins, the light wins, god and his angels win and the darkness dims"So when someone has crossed me, and I have been crossed !!I have 2 choices, empower the darkness or empower the light.I choose the light for if I don't I am also a part of that darkness because I allowed it and I add to it's evil everytime I curse someone into it. Justice comes from the soul. An eye for an eye could possibly mean giving your eye to another so that they may simply see the light. I choose the light for everyone and that is a path rarely taken.
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