A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I have asked for advice about a guy I have been absolutely in love with for 2 years a few times now. How I didn't think I even existed to him and then he messages me on facebook on a drunk night and wants me to head over, then says he doesnt remember the conversation but apologizes for it, and more recently he gave me his number to which I offered to buy him a few drinks for his birthday and he sweetly said "I might have to take you up on that". So of course i followed up on it a week later and he, as he has been, gave me a very vague answer. Not a yes but not a no. And when I saw him at work the next few days he seemed as though he was avoiding me and it scared me so I decided to end the awkwardness and text him late last night apologizing if I scared him or freaked him out by asking him to drinks to which he replied, "You didn't freak me out, I like your style."Of course I sort of jumped for joy like a crazy person and continued the conversation which lead me to going to his house...but all the while he is telling me to head over he keeps saying "Have your mind right, make sure your mind is right". Again, he didn't specifically tell me what this meant but I am positive it meant no strings attached. I definately debated this decision for a good 20 minutes before leaving...this guy I have wanted for 2 years is finally asking me to go to his house, to do what I've dreamt of doing with him but I've been down this road and friends with benefits always ended badly for me. And I dont want to just be a FWB with him I actually want to date him but moreover I wanted way more to be "with him"...I know sleeping with him defintely ruins my chances of dating him but I really couldn't help it..haha.For 2 years I've been waiting for this and I never thought I was good enough or pretty enough for him and when he looked at me that night I felt the best I have ever felt about myself in my life. He text me this morning basically asking if we could keep this between us because we work in an environment that forbids relationships like this and I could be fired and he suspended. He said he only remembers bits and pieces of his whole night and hes sorry if anything was awkward, (Which it wasn't) and he said he had a lot of fun with me. I replied saying I had fun too. but I am not sure if this was just a one night thing or if this cold continue, and I really want it to continue. We haven't spoke all day because I don't want to seem clingy but I can't stop thinking about all of it.I guess my question is should I pursue this "relationship" whether it be a FWB or possibly dating? I have had my experience with FWBs and they ended badly but each one has come back months later saying they want me back for a relationship...I'm not sure why they do that but they do...and I want this guy to feel that way NOW...I think in my heart I feel like I did already ruin that chance but just a week ago I didn't think he was even sexually attracted to me and now obviously he is...any suggestions on how to approach this situation? Should I wait until he talks to me first or should I say something now?
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at work, drunk, facebook, friend with benefits, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): NO, NO and NO! Please don't settle...if a REAL, meaningful relationship is something you desire and want, then don't settle because, you will be hurt when it's all said, done and over with. If this guy doesn't want a solid relationship with you LEAVE HIM, regardless of who much you like him. I'm tell you, you will be better off in the long run.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate your comments guys, I did need to hear this. It's also very complicated to have a relationship because my work forbids dating and if we're seen outside of work it can get back to my boss and others...but I think I will back off now. I swear im not a crazed psycho girl obsessed over a guy lol I had alcohol in me and so did he which played a huge part the other night. So i will leave it alone now and maybe a miracle will happen and he will chase me, Thanks for the comments.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2012):
 You don’t have a relationship with him honey… you have a place for him to stick his dick…
FWB usually gets one or more people hurt… one person usually cares more for the other who is willing to accept that the person who cares will give it up for them so they can be close… usually it’s the woman
She thinks that by sleeping with a man he will fall in love with her… nope.
Women need a reason to have sex
Men need a place…
That’s it… plain and simple (for the most part there are exceptions)
IF you care about him more than he cares about you (and clearly you do) then to protect yourself you must walk away…. He will chase you but that’s part of the game…
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 It would be considered "piling on" if any other Aunts or Uncles submitted any more after Honeypie.....
Read her reply, again and again, until it sinks in and you conclude that your soul is far to precious to exchange for an "FWB" arrangement.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2012):
 No. That is the simple answer.
You WANT a relationship, having an FWB will NOT give you that. If he was REALLY interested in you he would pursue YOU, he isn't. He does like the idea of a girl who is willing to do anything to get his attention and since he is single having a warm body in the bed may not be bad either, however I don't think he really cared WHO'S warm body that is.
I would back off, let HIM do some work now. IF he wants to BE with you he will. Also if he just wants SEX he will too. So I guess it's up to to you to NOR have sex with him and see if he wants to take THAT further or not.
Maybe see him OUTSIDE his place, as in public. Where you are less likely to cave in and have sex.
Just because YOU REALLY REALLY like him doesn't mean he likes you back in the same way.
The whole "I like your style" could easily have been a "what do I tell this girl to not hurt her feelings?!"
You already seem to "think" you are in a relationship with him.. You really need to dial it back a bit.
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