A
male
age
41-50,
*ubZero21
writes:I've been dating my girlfriend for over 7 months now. I'm 27 and she's 21. I love her with all of my heart and I can't imagine my future without her anymore. Despite any faults she may have she truly is a good person.However, for the past few weeks she'll sometimes say that she's afraid that we won't "make it" or that we may break up some day. She has ALWAYS been afraid that some girl is going to try and steal me away, even though I have NEVER cheated on her or any of my ex-girlfriends. This often leads to arguments because some of my friends are female. I find myself having to reassure her more and more often that I will not leave her and she does not have to worry about me straying or being flirted/hugged/kissed/etc by another girl.It really hurts me that she does not have more faith in me and our relationship. It has gotten to the point where I feel more distant from her, as if nothing I do will ever be good enough.I am not going to leave her but I just don't know how to handle this obstacle in our relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): A long time ago i worked with a person who was a bundle of insecurities. But i didn't realise it at first. What she said seemed plausible. What she worried about 'could' happen (but never did). When she got worked up into a bundle of nerves over a project i helped her with things that were stressing her. Then she wanted to go on a cruise, but wouldn't couldn't do it 'alone'. And i know some of her co-workers, including me, thought it might make her happy enough to banish her worries. So foolishly (i was young) 3 of us at work agreed to accompany her. She complained about everything on the cruise. Worried about so many things. Didn't like this, didn't like that. She had her own mini first aid kit just in case all manner of tropical maladies happened to her (none did). At the end of the cruise none of us wanted to talk to her. In a word she ruined the trip for us with her never ending anxieties.
I can tell that You care for and love your girlfriend. I hope it works out well for you. However stop and ask yourself, 'think what this could become?' and extrapolate this, and ask, 'how you would feel, if her insecurities grow and grow to dominate every day'?
And then you may need to get her to face the reality than many of her irrational fears are hurting you and are forming an obstacle between you that does not have to exist. Ask her to try to think of your feelings, next time she wants to air her insecurities. And instead have faith in you. You have done nothing to make her lose faith in you. So you should not have your integrity questioned over and over again.
A
female
reader, claire_tucker89  +, writes (17 November 2010):
Has there been any relationships which she used to look up to which have broken down, like parents, friends and family? Usually the doubt will stem from what she has witnessed. Unfortunately break ups do happen, and growing up in that kind of environment may have an effect on the way she sees realtionships - in her mind she may have grown to believe that relationships never last forever.
However this should never mean that her's will end in the same way. If you believe in this relationship, and she does too - then it is about proving that you are committed. Not by getting down on one knee, but by being strong despite her insecurities. She will soon see that sometimes relationships can work out. It is not that she doesn't have faith in you both as a couple, it is about having a lack of faith in relationships in general.
When you are out with your friends, try texting her or ringing her to let her know that she is on your mind, don't be scared to say "I love you" infront of your friends, invite her out with your friends so that she can see that you have nothing to hide and that she is your life.
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