A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, i really really need some help at the moment. Me and my boyfriend are both virgins, we have done everything appart from actuall sexual intercourse. We both love each other and are ready for this. Not long ago we attempted to have sex. Usually, it doesnt take much for my boyfriend to get errect, and once he is, he can keep it for a while. It was all going great, got the condom on, and his penis went flat, we didnt know why, so we gave it a miss and said we'd try again some other time. Week after we try again, hed get errect, get the condom on, and hed go flat.why is this?How can i keep him errect so we can go the whole way?why cant he keep this errection?PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELPthanks xx
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both virgins, condom, erection Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): The condom itself may be hindering his ability to remain erect. Some guys experience this, from what I've read. Try covering his erection with a safe sex oil, which will enhance sensitivity. Put the condom on and see if it makes a difference.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): It's performance anxiety. The act of putting the condom on probably brings it on because that marks the moment at which he is expected to "perform". So you simply need to lessen the things that cause anxiety -- that is, to make him comfortable about having sex with you.
The usual technique is mutual masturbation in a fun atmosphere for five or so sessions.
The aim is to decrease his anxiety of the unknown (ie, a real woman) by showing each other what you like. Firstly by masturbating separately. Then by masturbating each other. As you play with each other discuss how it feels and what works for you.
Once you are comfortable with each other then move onto putting on a condom. Rather than move from there to sex, just masturbate him into the condom -- so he doesn't feel the need to perform. What you are really trying to do is to disassociate condoms with failure.
When he is comfortable with that, when he is in the condom and erect just slide onto him with little fuss. Remove his attention from the penetration by doing something else he likes (like kissing, or biting his nipples, or whatever it is).
Even then, the next few times you'll find yourself doing the majority of the "work". Don't let that become a habit, but slowly make him more proactive -- the best way to do that is to tell him what you like and what you want.
Hope this helps. I had the reverse situation with my girlfriend.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (6 January 2011):
I'm sure its intimidation, like The Realist already mentioned. The first time is always unnerving and I'm sure there are a million things going through his head, especially, "Will I be good enough?" Women experience this too. I had a girlfriend once that could not orgasm for the longest time, even during oral, because I was the first physical relationship she had and she was too nervous to just "let go". Once we talked about it a bit and made sure she was relaxed, comfortable, and calm, the whole experience was much much better.What helps is also to keep it light tone :) let him know that you don't just want sex to get pleasure, but rather you want it just to feel closer to him. When he's now worrying so much about his own performance, I'm sure he'll be able to get in the mood.
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A
male
reader, JustinNki +, writes (6 January 2011):
 when i first started having sex the same thing happend to me, i couldn't keep a erection, idk, maybe subconsciously its the pressure of sex , everyones different but he'll keep it up one day, promise
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 I think that it has to do with nerves. My first time went something like that as well. He is probably really nervous even though he'll never admit it so you need to give him lots of stimulation then quickly get the condom on and him inside you without it hurting you as well. Once he is in it becomes more natural and he shouldn't have a problem staying hard. As the condom is being put on squeeze the base of his penis and pulse with your hand.
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A
female
reader, lija30 +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Glad you are using a condom...but what does he do before he has sex with you? If he drinks or does drugs...then he probably wont be able to stay up very long anyway. Then again he is young so he probably wont be able to maintain this anyway. To me you are not ready for sex but you will found out about that heartache later in life...but for now he needs to cum once ...and get that out the way and the second time around he will be good to go. *good luck hun*
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