A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was communicating with a man from an online-dating site for a few weeks. After our first date, we mutually agreed to meet-up again. The conversation flowed really well and we were both excited about seeing one another again. However, hours before the second date, he emailed me to cancel saying that he didn't feel the chemistry between us. In the email, he thanked me for our great conversations and said that he looked forward to seeing me around our city . . . Obviously he was "breaking-up" with me so I emailed him back saying that I enjoyed getting to know him but respected his decision. Then I wished him well on his search. . . The problem here is that I'd like to remain friends with him. Would it be out-of-line for me to give him a phone call to say hello and initiate a friendship? It's been a week since the "break-up". If so, how long should I wait before contacting him?(I should also mention that although our age never came up in discussion, I'm 24 and he's 32.) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Plain Jane  +, writes (8 October 2008):
 32 years old is mature enuff to 'act' as if he enjoyed the date with a genuine smile. He also could have thought about the 2nd date throughly before he cancelled. He is obvious do not want to hurt you and kind enuff to explain to you about the chemistry stuff.
Ya I think 1 week is long enuff to start email or text back to him. I'm afraid he may not answer your call and it could hurt you more.
A
female
reader, shiraz  +, writes (31 August 2008):
hiyah, its always difficult with online dating, the fact that on the second date he pulled out if things were good on the first date why would he so abruptly bring it to an end? why would he not of told you sooner (say at the end of the first date) it doesnt make sense. its brave of you to consider a frindship after though and he obviously sees you as a good frind (in hoping to see you around)you could almost go on with your search together consulting each other after dates etc and it could become a very strong friendship, so go for it!
good luck
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (31 August 2008):
 I also wouldn't think that it would be out of line.
Basically, you two got along very well together and enjoyed your time. Also, the two of you got off on VERY good terms, which makes your situation easier. Als, don't forget you only went out with him once, so your feelings for each other are not big enough to start a feud.
I think what you main concern may be is on how to approach him with this question. You could call him up, stating that you want to remain friends because you had great fun when you dated him. (In my own way, I would tell him "Just because we won't date doesn't mean we can't be friends!"). Just try to sound casual, and put no pressure.
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A
male
reader, Chippymunk  +, writes (30 August 2008):
 I wouldn't think it'll be out of line. If say I broke up with someone, i'd love for them to have the courage to ask for us to still be friends. It's always good to have a new friend, and who knows, perhaps that "chemistry" just needs a little more time to be disovered.
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