A
female
age
41-50,
*hodoc
writes:My husband and I have been married for ten years. I think that i have a healthy and realistic view of sex. I have told him that if he ever gets bored with our sex life that he is welcome to sleep with other women. He of course told me that he could never do that. I have a friend who was willing to sleep with my husband. She and i have both had more sexual experience then my husband and I him to learn new tricks. I was out of town one weekend and gave them the green light. They did and our sex has been great since. I am not saying that I don't need to learn a few new tricks myself, but he is not ready for me to sleep with another man. (I am ok with this.) I know that I have more of an open view about sex and that I am not worried that he will leave me for anyone, beside I am not a jealous person. My question is that i have had to chance to sleep with other guys, and i want to know how do I help him become more comfortable with the idea of me having sex with other men. I am fine with him having sex with other women and want him to be as comfortable as i am.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): Hello Shodoc
It is not about an open mind or an experience. It is about feelings. You migth be ok with sharing your husband with someone else, and you are looking to have him feeling the same way. You want to change him to your way of feeling, but he has his own thoughts and it is not the same as yours. If he feels hurt, I think you should watch out. I thought I was a really open minded husband, so much that I asked my wife to have sex with other guy, so she experienced what I experenced before, and guess what, when she made that, I got so hurt and I can not blame anyone for that, just me. I just ask her to love, that is all I can do. Be sure you are not hurting your husband with that and love him.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 Ah, glad you updated your post, I really wanted to answer this one..
You ever heard of grooming, softening somebody up with words and manipulation to make them commit a sexual act. That's what you've been doing to your husband. This is not an equal relationship, I hear nothing about him wanting to introduce people into the bedroom, instead I hear a woman to wants to fuck around and makes sure her husband falls first so he's the guilty one.
No, not judgemental or moralist sweetheart, I just tell it like it is. Got no problems with people swinging as long as I feel that everyone has the chance and the space to give informed consent.
You set your husband up with your friend, same thing a pimp dose when he wants to break a new girl in.. yes your husband jumped in, but in his defence, I submit he also had you and her pushing him.
You like free and easy sex, no problem with that. Did you and your husband agree to swinging and an open relationship before you married? Or did he marry a woman he thought would be only sleeping with him, now he finds he's got a sex tiger on his hands and he's trying desperately to keep her happy..
Here, here's a link... your husband reminds me so much of the guy in this story, and you remind me of his wife, who can't be satisfied with one dick when there are plenty of men out there she hasn't tried yet.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-no-respect-for-my-wife-and.html
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A
female
reader, shodoc +, writes (2 April 2010):
shodoc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! I thought people were more open minded. I do love my husband and he is not being pressured to do anything. I gave him and my friend my blessing, because i believe that there is a difference between sex and making love. Rate is the US is high and well the main reason is cheating. So I feel if we allow each other that freedom it will make out sex life strong. Our marriage in every other aspect is solid. I do want to have sex with another man, however, I will not do that unless he is ok with and if he never is that is okay with me too. It something to try, but i don't feel that we are playing with fire.
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A
female
reader, shodoc +, writes (2 April 2010):
shodoc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! I thought people were more open minded. I do love my husband and he is not being pressured to do anything. I gave him and my friend my blessing, because i believe that there is a difference between sex and making love. Rate is the US is high and well the main reason is cheating. So I feel if we allow each other that freedom it will make out sex life strong. Our marriage in every other aspect is solid. I do want to have sex with another man, however, I will not do that unless he is ok with and if he never is that is okay with me too. It something to try, but i don't feel that we are playing with fire.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Power to you! Their are some open marriage join some kind of swinger club that should be good. Your hubby is no saint no one held a gun to his hand to sleep with your friend. He has not been faithful so tell him to cut the act of the perfect husband. Their are different kind of marriage not all are the conventional ones we are use to. Good luck hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, jada101 +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Ok your lucky a$$ hell that he doesn't want to cheat. Some woman on here are trying to stop a man from cheating and you want hime too the world is so crazy this day. That a no no
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 March 2010):
Why did you get married? This is heading straight for divorce. It's just a matter of time. You're either both committed to each other, or you might as well end it. Don't push him into having a fling with your friend just so you have the excuse to have sex with another man. You are either a committed to each other, or you might as well end it.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 So you really want to be a swinger?
Ok well you are going to have to get him used to the lifestyle, firstly he slept with your friend so he cant be completely against it.
So invite a girl and guy friend around and try swapping partners. You could also try threesomes, if he is involved he will be more positive about it all.
becarful though if he just inst that type then he will leave you over it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Hello. I thought marriage was something you entered when you were happy to foresake all others to be with one special person. If im correct, then why did you get married? It was obviously for different reasons to your husbands, bless him. The poor man must feel rather confused and manipulated now you are bored and want sex with other men. I think the only reason you arent worried about him leaving you is because hes a mug and loves you.
You have totally maneuvered him into sleeping with your messed up friend by making him feel hes crap in bed and could do with some "new tricks". Now he cant say anything if you do the same with men. Your husband is a trusting chump but wont be for much longer, so if you do love him you need to straighten up fast.
If you want sex outside the marriage, you should find the courage to be honest and face the consequences, rather than stitch him up first! Dont push him into things by convincing him he no good in bed then use him as an excuse for you sleep with other men. Thats hurtful and wrong of you. And very sneaky.
He will figure it all out in the end and probably leave you. There are plenty of books, dvd`s ect out there if you really wanted to spice up your sex life, you dont need to involve other people.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Are you for real or is this just a wind up. I thought we had all the scary people in the Uk. Clealy not, relationships are not games tp play. It takes particular strength and commitment in marriage to have sex with other people.
If you wanted sex with the league of nations why did you get married. The outcome of your actions are that you will not have a marriage for much longer anyway? Try and join the rest of us in the World.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): You are making excuses. You are only fine with the idea of him sleeping with other women so you can 'allow' yourself to sleep with other men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Dear lady,
You are at the wrong side of it. Not he. I am not sure why you want to destroy all that you have in life by now.
My feeling that this kind of senseless adventures will ruin your as well as his life, also your children,s.
Is this want you will teach to your daughter also? that she can go around and keep on sleeping with Mens around.
I completely disapprove your actions and thoughts.
obviously every one in the world needs to face the results of actions and reactions that he performed.
I can see the result of one action that you let him performed and he did, and you are now asking a advice for your own created problem here.
If you pursue what you asked, i can assure you t hat there will be many more problems in your mind that you will need to post here.
choice is yours
Thanks
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Pft. Hey. He had sex with your female friend, I say he can't really complain if you are having sex with another guy.
The fact though that you opened this can of worms will definitely effect the relationship in a negative way. It sounds like deep down, he wasn't really for the situation in the first place. It sounds like most of the reason he messed around with your friend was mainly due to pressures from you (and hey, I doubt it was too much of a chore for him to do this). Now that he senses that you have equal footing to do the same because of his actions, he's scared.
How do you make him just as comfortable? You probably never will. I mean, what are the chances that he'll change your mind that having casual sex outside of marriage is wrong? Slim to none. Same with him. These types of values have all to do with comfort level and past beliefs. These two factors are rather hard to change in individuals. If you really want to sleep with a guy, just state that you were perfectly comfortable with him fooling around with your FRIEND, so he should have no issue with you being with another guy. Maybe he'll be able to see the similarities and be a little less judgmental about things.
But hey, just be willing to deal with the consequences.
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A
male
reader, twinlab99 +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Lady get divorced. Seriously. Because if you don't you'll end up cheating, and you're going to crush him. The thought of you with another man probably enrages him. Get divorced and live your life...nothing wrong with sex...have fun, but don't do that to your husband as long as he is your husband. Not fair to him.
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male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 It's really a question of how you interpret your vows, and how he in his heart sees you. There are some people who are comfortable separating sex from affection and commitment. Not many that I've personally known, but I've certainly heard of it.
Honestly, I think it's extremely rare that open marriages can work. It's tremendously unusual that a man can accept that his wife truly has a disconnect between the sensual and love. Very, very few men can be confident enough that their wives can have great, fun, new sex with someone else, yet remain committed to their husband. It's a level of commitment, a depth of love, that's just frankly rare.
Unless you two are rarified soul mates, you're simply playing with fire.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): No no no!!! You should not have sex with anyone but your partner for life. I dont blame him for not wanting to. The only way you could is if you got divorced and got a new man. Its not right to go off with other people.
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